Would you be offended.

[vfem]

I'm going to hold my tongue... in situations like this I begin ranting and raving. From watching my sister throw away her life at 19... now 26... never been married, but a few kids(no job living off our mama with no child support)... I can't stomach it!

I just gotta say...


LOVE DON'T PAY THE BILLS


and we'll leave it at that.

ETA: ARGH!!!! I wanna rant still... but I won't!

 

[agnes_day]

i dont know...my husband and i were married when i was 17 and he was 18..he had just recovered from a horrible accident, we were dead broke, barely had anything..well, here we are, almost 18 years later and expecting our 7th and doing just fine.
it might work out!

 

[dacjohns]

Quote:
Would I be offended? YES

Have I the read the entire thread so I can get more of the details? No.

Sounds like an elopement with a reception afterward.

Traditionally the bride's family is in charge of most everything. It sure is nice that you're invited to something you should be putting on.

Who is the she that finally called? Your daughter, the groom's mother, the groom's sister?

What is your daughter doing in all this? Seems to me that there is a lot that isn't being said.

Where are they going to live after the wedding? How is the family going to be provided for?

 

[Intheswamp]

Quote:
Trust me I am concerned. I've just bit my tongue nearly off for the lat few days I have known about it. This was the LAST straw that got me so heated. I am usually NOT one to air crap out like this, but...well you see where I am?!?! I have talked to her, and she is not thinking and she just wants to make him happy...blah blah blah....whatever. I know I can't stop them from their stupidity but I don't need to get stepped on in the process either. We have talked about the demands of marriage and paying the bills. It goes something like this yak yak yak

and I walk away looking like this

So...what's almost done is what it is, but...well I'm just tired of EVERYBODY under this roof and his roof!! I love them dearly, but mom has had it and they need to stay out my face for a while!!

I know that you're concerned about the kids, otherwise you wouldn't be this upset. I can sympathize with your anger and frustration. I've thrown one guy out of my business and forbid one to come into my house. Both ended up marrying my daughters. One of them ended up being the jerk I thought he was and has long been history and ended up on the Sheriff's "blotter", etc.,. The other one ended up being a young man that I admire very much, a (very) hard worker, great husband, and great father (and I thank God for him)

.

When we see people we love making probably bad decisions it frustrates us that they will not listen to us, especially since we've invested so much of our lives in their lives. It only makes sense that they should listen to us, after all, we have more life experiences, wisdom, knowledge, maturity,....of course we learned and acquired all of this by making mistakes and bad choices ourselves, by experiencing life ourselves, and by the lessons we learned in the school of hard knocks. They will learn, too. It's just sad that they don't always listen to us, it would be so much easier on them....it was probably sad to my parents that I didn't always listen to them, I know it would have been a lot easier on me if I had.

Everybody will survive. Some will be hurt...and heal. Other's will be hurt and hold grudges. Some will see the error of their ways...some won't. Some will be happy, and some won't be. There's gotta be a backbone in the family and it appears you're it.

I like the scripture in your signature.
You and yours are in my prayers,
Ed

 

[Intheswamp]

Quote:

 

[SillyChicken]

I made that stupid mistake when I was younger. Married my hs sweetheart (I did go through college before tying the knot though).. but I didn't get to enjoy my "youth" because I tied myself to an A-hole.... I just didn't realize how big of one he was, I was in HS. I missed out on alot of other important things (like a trip to italy to study art for a semester

) because I limited myself to be with this guy and for what? He ended up fooling around on me 6 yrs after we got married with an older woman that looked LIKE HIS MOTHER (ewwww

). We divorced and I really REALLY regret not listening to my mom, there I said it!!! I have regrets now that I have to live with for the rest of my life.

As far as the party.... you can hold grudges or you can tell the parents how you feel.

Me personally, I'd be more concerned about them not getting married, then who throws the party.

 

[rodriguezpoultry]

I concur...the rest of the world and statistics are already against them, be there to support them. Not financially of course, but through love and understanding.

They are making this decision, let them deal with the consequences of their own actions.

 

[dacjohns]

OK, I've read the thread pretty quickly so I'm sure I missed a lot.

I agree with PC and Boyd, that doesn't happen too often.

It appears that you are the "stepmom". It appears that since your husband and the other stepdaughter gave their approval there is something missing in the relationship. It also appears that the daughter that is getting married left you out, something is missing in that relationship.

I assume that since the daughter getting married is 18 this is her last year of school and the school year is almost over. GED. Right now her and the husband to be have a legal and moral responsibility to care for any children this marriage may produce. They should assume or even request or demand that the young couples parents provide for them.

So the big question(s) that need answered (and not in public forum) is why is all this happening and why are you being left out?


And yes, I would still be offended.

 

[Boyd]

that's ok Dac's, I'm not always politically correct but kinda how I felt when I read that. somethings off, somethings missing somehow. I can't put my finger on it, and I am wondering why they can't wait 2 more months of their senior year? Who needs to co-opt their school because they are overly anxious?

Only reason I can see rushing a wedding like this is cuz daughter might be in a family way? I dunno, just guessing. Growing up my pa always called those shotgun weddings. Marry her b4 she looses her reputation. That sorta thing.

Doubt that's the case here after getting to know CLH, but I feel like there's a piece to the puzzle missing.

 

[ebwy]

wow...
I think the girl is being silly... and rather selfish. And the boy is being VERY selfish. It sounds like they've got themselves caught up in a fantasy where they can be together AND nothing else has to change.
and I can see why you're so upset about it.

but

firstly, you and your husband need to talk. He needs to understand how you are feeling

secondly, make very sure you know what messages you're giving the girl - because when I was 18 what I'd be hearing is "I don't want you here ever under any circumstances"
make sure she KNOWS that she is welcome and wanted, but that you aren't prepared to house her boyfriend for free.

can you not try to convince her to wait until the homeschooling is finished with so that they CAN find somewhere to live?

also - remember this IS the girl you love. She's acting like an idiot, but that's what adolescents do.
The fact that they're in such a rush does make me suspect pregnancy... can you (calmly and nicely) sit down with her and chat about that? not accusingly, just a calm gentle talk.
If she is, PLEASE don't throw her out. remember you love her and will love the baby too (if there is one). Being pregnant is no reason to marry someone in a rush, it just leads to misery and even more expense. But throwing her out for being pregnant just doesn't sound like something a caring parent would do. Getting angry about it doesn't achieve anything, it can't undo it and won't help either of you in the future.

I would make sure she knows that under ANY circumstances, she is welcome there. But that you are not there to be taken advantage of by this boy moving in too when he has his own parents to support him.