Would you?

[cassie]

Send a card. Period.

 

[LizaBlue]

As an adult who has parents and in-laws who are overly generous, I definitely agree with not sending gifts. A nice card with a personal note saying, "We love you, we think of you often, and wish we could be with you at this time of year to share your joy - it's been way too long. A gift could never show you how much we care," would be all that's needed. I so wish my family would stop it with the gifts. I know it's out of love, but I'm an adult, I have all I need, they don't have money to spend, they are out of touch with what I'd want anyway, and I am burdened with the obligation to keep and find storage for whatever they give me. Sounds harsh, right? Well, I'm giving it to you straight. I'm very grateful to have parents/in-laws who love me so much, but their money would be spent better elsewhere.

Unfortunately, it sounds like your children aren't at a place in their lives right now where they are mature enough to realize that parents are human too, who were raised by humans who didn't have an instruction book either. Hopefully someday they will grow to realize that you did the best you could with what you were equipped to do, as I did with my imperfect and lovable parents, and start treating you as decently as they would want to be treated.

 

[obaan1]

Well said, LizaBlue. I "ditto" her sentiments.

 

[CheekyMare]

I haven't given or gotten gifts since I was 18. In our family giving gifts is for kids. Grown ups don't need stuff to express love.

Every year at Christmas we express our love and friendship by hosting a Christmas dinner for anyone who wants to come. *MY* expression of love for my mother is that *I* cook our part of the potluck.(which is always the turkey, gravy, stuffing, and whatever else no one is bringing)

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Nope, no gifts needed. But, I'm a firm believer that gifts should not be a matter of "you deserve this/don't deserve this", reciprocation, or "it's right/wrong to give gifts" but rather what you feel like giving. The with-holding or strings attached nature of many gifts is one reason why I've largely cut gifts out of my life.

You've stated that you feel they do not keep in contact with you guys much because you are critical of their lifestyle. That is their right to do so, just as it is your right to give gifts or not. If someone wants to cut off contact with me for whatever reason, I'd rather them do that than continue being made uncomfortable by my presence. I've largely cut some of my family contact off because it is deeply stressful to me, and makes me an unhappy/stressed out person. I try to keep contact with them restricted to talking about themselves, and supporting them when they find something that makes them happy. I also don't expect gifts from them. If they want to view my actions as ungrateful..that's honestly just another reason for me to keep my distance.

EDIT: Ack, that sounded really...not tactful. Not saying that is the way it is, just trying to give another perspective.

 

[sunny & the 5 egg layers]

You don't need to give somebody a gift in order to let them know that you love them or are thinking of them. Just a nice card is enough, in my opinion.

 

[sourland]

I would not - the Princess would want to, and she would be the final decision maker.

 

[edible_chicken]

I am 29 and i still get gifts from my dad and grandparents, but they get upset if i buy them anything. they rather that i use my money on bills/tuition/mortgage. so i send them cards and they do appreciate that.