Writing goals

[Isabella7Storm5]

Yes, I'm on a writing break right not, but I couldn't help myself. I had to write something. And I did use this small piece to practice what I know so far on my typing. Because it was practice, I didn't really put a lot into this piece, but I did see something that I've been noticing a lot in my other writing as well. It's something I need to work on, but I just can't figure out how to fix.
It's my sentences. They're all the same. They say different things of course, but the format is basically the same. Thankfully I feel like they're not really passive, but there still needs some variability.

Here's a clip from the piece I 'typed' before supper:

View attachment 4266843

Any advice and\or tips are welcome!

The only thing i saw that i would change personally is the word ‘waves’ appears twice.
But i didnt notice it first read-through so it probably doesnt matter and is more personal preference

 

[Eroica]

Yes, I'm on a writing break right not, but I couldn't help myself. I had to write something. And I did use this small piece to practice what I know so far on my typing. Because it was practice, I didn't really put a lot into this piece, but I did see something that I've been noticing a lot in my other writing as well. It's something I need to work on, but I just can't figure out how to fix.
It's my sentences. They're all the same. They say different things of course, but the format is basically the same. Thankfully I feel like they're not really passive, but there still needs some variability.

Here's a clip from the piece I 'typed' before supper:

View attachment 4266843

Any advice and\or tips are welcome!

OK. So first things first, who's the main character (narrator)? Maybe if you're doing 3rd person limited (I'm assuming), perhaps include more of what he's feeling (fear, adrenaline) to create a sense of immediacy in the scene?
I dunno just a suggestion

 

[RDchicken99]

I need to post more in this thread.
Somebody hit me with the "No-lurking" baton . . .

Update on my current progress.
I have only 685 words left to hit my 95k goal. However, ah, um, I definitely cannot end the story in only six hundred words, so it'll probably land in the 100k+ range.
Now, I'm actually pretty excited by this, I've got a lot of fun scenes to work towards that I will be reaching in very little time.

And, on that note, does anyone here use the Pomodoro technique to write?
I was really running up against a wall, (only getting out about 150 words in a day. Yuck.) but once I broke out my little, green, EXTREMELY LOUD I MIGHT ADD, timer set to twenty minutes, I've been able to write at least 600 words a day.

It might be the fear and anticipation of that evil tolling bell of doom that spurs me on.

 

[Somewhere_In_The_Clouds]

Somebody hit me with the "No-lurking" baton . . .

With pleasure

 

[RDchicken99]

We create characters to ruin their lives

This is a true saying and worthy of all men to be received.

Yes, I'm on a writing break right not, but I couldn't help myself. I had to write something. And I did use this small piece to practice what I know so far on my typing. Because it was practice, I didn't really put a lot into this piece, but I did see something that I've been noticing a lot in my other writing as well. It's something I need to work on, but I just can't figure out how to fix.
It's my sentences. They're all the same. They say different things of course, but the format is basically the same. Thankfully I feel like they're not really passive, but there still needs some variability.

Here's a clip from the piece I 'typed' before supper:

View attachment 4266843

Any advice and\or tips are welcome!

This isn't a hard fix. You just need to vary your sentence length and core structure. So far, every sentence is sharing the same grammatical structure of, "The subject 'verbed'," so to speak.

What I would do is chop it up in some areas and combine others, this is very lyrical already and can have even more rhythm if you pace it a tad different.

Just for your first few sentences--
"The ship leaped from the pool. Fighting against the drag of waves on the skiff, Kostas cut power, turning sharply."

Make some shorter, make others longer. Try reversing the sentence order.
Ooh, and my favorite-- give certain sentences their own paragraph. It really ups the ante, makes it read even faster too.
Like this.
See?
Dramatic, amiright?

 

[Somewhere_In_The_Clouds]

This is a true saying and worthy of all men to be received.

We're all cruel humans

 

[RDchicken99]

We're all cruel humans

Maybe we're NOT cruel humans, because we don't inflict any of our wicked writerly deeds on actual people.

 

[Somewhere_In_The_Clouds]

Maybe we're NOT cruel humans, because we don't inflict any of our wicked writerly deeds on actual people.

So if we were never allowed to write...

 

[RDchicken99]

So if we were never allowed to write...

None of the gifs under "padded room" were satisfactory, so use your imagination.

 

[Isabella7Storm5]

So if we were never allowed to write...

I never thought about that..l