You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk. You think the stock market has a fence around it. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen. Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos" You think a chain saw is a musical instrument. There are more than five McDonald's bags in your car. You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem. You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape. (heh-heh) You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes. You've ever financed a tattoo. You take a fishing pole into Sea World. You have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass. Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle. You ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle. Jack Daniels makes you list of most admired people. Your brother-in-law is also your uncle. Your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade. You view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls. You ever got too drunk to fish. You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment. On your job application under "SEX" you put "As often as possible" You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!" The strangest place you ever had sex was on top of one of those huge rotating Kentucky Fried Chicken buckets on buy one get one free day.