House Divided by Religion

[StrawberryHouseMouse]

He may not realize it right away. But he is sure to eventually. Or I would hope he does. Not for my sake but for his own. When I went over the house was a mess. He is like a kid some times. He doesnt clean after himself. His idea of making food is going out to eat. He doesnt know how to manage money. I practicly would have to do everything but wipe his butt. Cooked, cleaned, picked up after him, helped him find his stuff every day cause he would forget where he put it. Payed the bills, managed the money myself, woke him up for work, I even brought his clothes to him while he laid in bed all lazy like. He's going to have to face the cold hard reality of things very soon. With out me he wouldnt have the job he has now, cause I found it for him and got him hired on. He wouldnt have the house he is in now. I found the house, did all the paper work and meetings with the realtor.

 

[PaulaJoAnne]

Quote:

Thats not a marriage

It is very understandable why this group has had such an influence on him.

 

[maplesky7]

Sometimes with a person like this... they think it is a battle of wills. They think or are being led to believe by "friends" that he should hold fast to his beliefs and if SHE loves you she will come back and do what a "wife" is to do. Or they think, they are better off without the person who is seemingly denying their faith-- albeit we here understand it differently.

You just don't know what is going through their minds and it makes no valuable use of her time or emotions to speculate if there is "another" anyway. It just doesn't matter at this point unless strawberry were highly considering trying to save the marriage and considering everything it is up to her if that is her intentions are not.

We are a strong bunch of very opinionated people here on this forum. Often encompassing each other into our own hearts and becoming much like family and thus reacting very protectively over each other. This is Strawberries decision to make... to end a marriage. It's a big deal. It's heart wrenching. It gets lonely at times. You can start to remember the "good" times and wonder, "Am I doing the right thing?"

And I would expect you, Strawberry, to be going through an array of emotions right now. It's ok. And it's going to be ok no matter what you decide. So far you are in the process of moving out and for safety sake that seems like the thing to do. You must focus on your kids and yourself right now and what is best for you and those kids.

My X was a manipulator and an intimidator. When I called the Sheriff's deputy and she came to my home the time he came back from Iraq and he had taken off but I was uncertain if he was going to stay gone, she at one point had given me the phone though I did not want to talk to him and at one point she took the phone from me and listened to his response to me and her eyebrows went up. See, he's military and when he KNOWS he's talking to a person of authority he knows how to "yes Ma'am" them and be real real respectful.... but then when it comes to talking to me... it's quit another story. And she told me when she left that day... if she could leave an abusive relationship after 18 years.... so could I and to NEVER let ANY man intimidate me and what I needed to do, first and foremost was to put me and my kids safety first.

I think you are on the right track. It would have upset me, irritated me, saddened me to see him go through his daily routines if I was there packing up to leave and to leave for good and to leave with the children for good. It's like he doesn't even care and that sucks and I'm sorry he's such a jerk. You are counted special in God's eyes. You ARE worthy. You are special and you and your children will lead lovely lives once all the muck and mire has cleared. I'm not going to say it's easy. There will be rough patches you all will need to get through but our trials in life make us stronger. They make us the person we are.

In high school I went to Chile' and was upset for one reason or another and I walked out and heard a raging river. I followed with my eyes upstream and thought... it didn't start like this... it was not chaotic and tumultuous in the beginning throwing up sediment and it wasn't a frothy brown speeding river up stream. It was calm and flowed gently until the path narrowed and the pressure then increased making it flow faster and becoming increasingly chaotic. And then I followed the path of the river with my eyes down stream... and I thought, this river won't stay chaotic forever. It will widen and become slower and steadier and peaceful again. And it was there I had an epiphany of life. Life was like this river... there would be peaceful times, chaotic times, and life would become peaceful again.

I hope once things start settling down and you are able to feel your emotions... because at this point you may just be floating and it will hit you.... The reality of the situation and the overwhelming sadness for the loss of your marriage and for the loss of the father to your children that you had envisioned in your mind to be a steady and stable figure and now that part of your life is unraveling... it will wash over you most likely when you are not expecting it and it's ok to cry. It's ok to grieve that loss. But please know that you are not alone, though sometimes it feels so lonely.... especially once the kids are put down for bed and you find yourself there alone, with no one to talk to...

Reach out to your friends.... the ones here and the ones near you. I in fact joined a mom's group and have found some wonderful friends after my dh left. It's like I became part of the land of the living agian. I could have and make friends. I could go to a Bible study and not feel guilty or take my kids to a play date. I was able to think for myself. I didn't have to worry about taking too long at the grocery store... I didn't have to listen to 2 hours of rants on why Mother's day is a greeting card conspiracy... I can make Mother's day cards with my kids and be happy and enjoy every minute of celebrating something he fouled up every dang holiday. ugh, sigh.... it's empowering, it's freeing, it's like being a wild bird set free from a cage to go back to it's natural habitat.

Anyway,
I'm here and I know my inbox is full but if you would like me to send you my email addy I would be happy to.

Take care,
Gretch

 

[StrawberryHouseMouse]

I appreciate all your words of kindness. It really does help. And I have acctually been through a seperation before this one. The guy I was with before this last one. I was with him from the time I was 15-19 and had my first daughter by him. That relationship was a bit more complex however and very hard as that X was physicly abusive and almost killed me. This latest one never really laid a hand on me. Other then shoving me aside once. Either way Im holding up good right now. I hope to stay busy, so I dont think too much about it. I have family around, that helps a bit, they are all nuts lol they crack me up a lot.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
You remain in my thoughts and prayers. This is a very hard situation, and I do believe you have made the right move.

 

[Cara]

You've made the right decision. Please don't go back on it or let him talk you into a false sense of security. Remember not one person on this thread believes you should stay, and that should speak volumes. Your decision may have saved your life and that of your daughters.

 

[b.hromada]

Quote:
She said she doesn't go with him because she doesn't approve of the things they discuss.

Sounds more like a cult than religion.

My sentiments exactly!!

I'd get far, far away from it, if this was me, IMHO!

Very scary stuff.

 

[StrawberryHouseMouse]

I have some good news to report. Before all this happened. (Since Dec acctually) Ive been working on getting a log cabin built on 5 acres of land. The man who was going to build it for us was also buying the land and adding it to our overall cost for the cabin. Anyways, I emailed him tonight to tell him what had happened, and that I wouldnt be able to go through with our plan cause I no longer was living in the house we had originaly planned on selling to help pay for all this. He (the contractor) then emailed me back tonight, and told me that nothing will change, he will forget about the down payment and go ahead and build my house in 4 months like planned. And charge me just $200 a month so I can afford it.

I feel amazing right now. Like a fog has been lifted and I see a future ahead of me. Im not going to be stuck here at my grandmother's house, living in the dinning room, sleeping on the floor. In 4 months my cabin will begin being built and I will have my own independance, my own home that no one can tell me to get out of if they no longer get along with me. I will have a place I can call home with my daughters.

 

[buck-wild-chick]

Great news !
Hang in there hun

 

[SilkieTime]

I still have a page and a half to go and I know you are on line so I want to tell you before I read the rest. God was with you I know buy the questions you ask. He will take your hand. You have friends near and far. I'm so glad you ask that question.
22 pages later
I don't think he has an other woman or wants to get leave you like I though at the begining. I thing they have a hold on him. I think he needs to aask God to lay his hands in him. I think he has a long long road to go. You on the other had have be lifted up. I feel you power, and you can make it. Good luck.