SOOOOOO stinkin mad at my daughter I could spit nails!

[journey11]

Oh boy, sounds like that one is going to take the "tough love" route. That's sad too, because so many people with families to feed are struggling to find good jobs in this economy. Some kids gotta find out the hard way how the world really works.

Wish my MIL would do that with my BIL. He is a 26-yr-old freeloading ninja-wannabe. My MIL was widowed 2 years ago and he came home to live with her to "look after her", but has been more of a pain in the butt than a help. Can't get him to mow the grass or anything. Just plays video games all day long.

 

[arabianequine]

Quote:
I am on #3.

I really, seriously, appreciate you folks. I never cease to get good information, alot of support and love from everyone! I am still thinking the tent is a great thing. I have a feeling she will just leave though. Without her stuff. Her leaving needs to be WITH her stuff so she gets it. She is OUT. She SAYS she is looking for a job. We are at 17% unemployment, and she already blew off one job! And hello honey. They ALL test.

This was funny...."I am on #3" well kinda you know. Kids and others drive me too do lots of things.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
I am on #3.

I really, seriously, appreciate you folks. I never cease to get good information, alot of support and love from everyone! I am still thinking the tent is a great thing. I have a feeling she will just leave though. Without her stuff. Her leaving needs to be WITH her stuff so she gets it. She is OUT. She SAYS she is looking for a job. We are at 17% unemployment, and she already blew off one job! And hello honey. They ALL test.

This was funny...."I am on #3" well kinda you know. Kids and others drive me too do lots of things.

I speak the truth and sometimes it's funny and sometimes I get spanked. This girl has the hardest head of any person I have ever met in my entire life. She sent me a message on FB basically forgetting she took someone elses pee in, and acting like she couldn't pee. Of course I called her on it and of course I have no response. If she thinks I am some dumb butt she is sorely mistaken!!! Been there done that and alot worse. I KNOW of what I speak.

I am a child of thge 70's and I am sure not much more needs to be said.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
He must be 12 - in his head!

 

[suzettex5]

Cant say I read all 8 pages, but, when my lil bro pulled that stuff with my parents, they went to a thing called 'Tough Love" (not sure on the spelling)
It was a really good course/class for parents who have a hard time getting their kids to be responsible. I think it was also on how to stop them from enabling a drug abusing child. I dont know if it still exists, or if they have it where you are, but it helped them TONS.

They learned to be strong, ignore the guilt, to accept that they had been enablers, and to get really tough on him. They removed his bedroom door, gave him only so many changes of clothes that they approved, and meals were at set times, if you didnt show, you didnt eat. Same with curfew, if youre not home at a certain hour, all doors and windows locked, house alarm was on, and pillow and blankets were on the chaise lounge in the backyard. It was a very, very hard program, but they did it. Now he has done his tour of duty in the Army, and is raising a family. Drugs are over and he finished school.

Sometimes it takes being 'mean' to get them to grow up.

 

[BunnyMomma]

Hi, I feel your pain!
Just remember that you are not alone. Sometimes you have to kick the little birdies out of the nest. She has the skills, and the knowhow. You have been devoted and have done the right things. I had to kick several of my birdies out. They might get mad, but they will get over it!
I will say a little prayer for you and your family!
God bless and keep you, while angels watch over you and may peace be on your dreams!
Bunny from NC

 

[geebs]

nuff said... (I have seven and only 2 still at home 5 are gone).... I miss them sometimes.....

.... but my aim is improving...

 

[Beekissed]

Yesterday she goes in with SOMEONE ELSES PEE!!!! They tell her it is cold, someone needs to go with you to the restroom. She says, never mind, I won't pass anyways

I'm wondering where this unemployed kid is getting money for drugs? Wherever she is getting it, its likely she will just move in with them if you kick her out. But...I'm with the others....ultimatums must be issued. Life must be so uncomfortable at home that she wants to move out....and how!

Good luck...this is an old and familiar refrain I hear from many folks. My sibs are dealing with this also. I had a few sons that had failure to launch but no drugs involved, thank goodness. They are out and on their own now but I had to make life not so cushy here at home. I hope it turns out good for you and for her!

 

[harleyhappy]

Quote:
Yes! The tent idea is brilliant, and to make sure Sara understands you mean it, I have a few more suggestions. When you kick her out to the tent in the backyard (right now), strip her room. Take all her pictures off the wall, take the sheets off the bed, leave the room bare. Put all of her clothes, books, makeup and junk in plastic bags and put them in a public storage unit. Give her the key to the storage unit and explain that the rent is prepaid for three months. If she doesn't get her stuff or pay for storage after that three months the management will probably donate her things to goodwill. Change the locks to your house.

Now you have an extra room in your house. Painting can be very therapeutic when you are frustrated. Redo the room into something that is clearly not her bedroom, maybe you would like a craft room or home office or something.

Another thing, I don't think she has a serious drug problem. Sara was calling your bluff and raising the ante when she told the employer that she would not pass the drug test. You had set up that job for her and she knew you would hear of that comment. Most people usually have no problem giving up pot when they are properly motivated and no longer bored living at the parents house. It is normal to try a little pot at that age; and like someone else said if she was serious about drugs she would know what to eat to counteract the pee test.

I would try to get your sons on board also, just tell them what you did so they hear it from you first. They will probably respect you for keeping your word and sibling pressure can sometimes be very effective. When I messed up my brother telling me so meant more than hearing it from my parents. Her brother might let her move in but I doubt he will endorse her decisions.

Good Luck!

ETA: grammer

 

[Arcnadius]

Oh, I so feel like this is going to be my situation in a couple years. I've told my son that he has three options to remaining at home after high school: full-time job, full-time volunteering, or the military. He thinks I'm kidding...

Reading through all your posts help me to know that it's okay to be the mom and not the friend. Glad to know there are others out there that think like I do.

Mom didn't kick me out, but when I was 19, she informed me that they (her and stepdad) were relocating out of state. I could go with them or stay, but the house was going up for sale. I decided to stay and get my own apartment. It was hard on a minimum wage job but I survived and came out with a strong sense of responsibility and independence that would have taken longer if I had stayed with my mom. You know what needs to be done, the hard part is admitting it and doing it. I give you these

because someday, I may need them back.

Good luck and take care!

ETA: There is a fourth option: full-time school, but he's already turned up his nose at that idea.