Okay, first off, a bit of background. Please don't judge me for this, that's not what I'm looking for
13 years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful little boy named Jonathan. I also had another beautiful boy named Jesse, who was almost 2 at the time. Unfortunately I was married to the most hateful, cruel person on the face of the planet. When my beautiful Jonathan was only a month old, my husband kicked me and both the kids out so his girlfriend and her kid could move in. I was devastated.
I had always suffered from depression, and this threw me over the edge. I'm sure having just had a baby didn't help me any. My ex was an abuser, which also didn't help any. I had very, very low self-esteem, and coupled with the depression (which then escalated to post-partum psychosis), I had a very difficult time coping. I moved around a lot, was always tired, slept way too much.
When my boys were about 1 1/2 and 3 1/2, they figured out how to get outside. I was often awakened by police or neighbors knocking on my door telling me that my kids were playing outside in their pajamas or diaper, they were next door at the armory, things like that. After it got so bad that the state was threatening to take away my kids, I decided to move out of state.
Things were better for a while, but it started right back up again. After just 6 months I moved back to my home state. My kids and I lived with my mom for a while, until she kicked us out. The kids and I stayed with various friends for about a month, till one night we slept in our car in a friend's driveway. The friend was sleeping when we got there, otherwise we would have been able to go in. My friend was an adult, but she lived in the basement of her parents' house. The next morning, her parents called the police.
Luckily, the DFC didn't take my kids, but they did help me to get an apartment. That went okay for a little while, but I was still struggling with my ever-worsening depression.
Then my mom got sick....cancer....it was all I could do to cope with it. I finally realized I could no longer deal with it all on my own, and went to the local mental health clinic.
There I was diagnosed with depression (of course), paranoia, and anxiety. Apparently they decided the paranoia was the worst of the 3, and put me on an anti-psychotic medicine. I don't even remember now what it was called, I'm thinking it was Zyprexa??
About this same time, my oldest son Jesse was almost 6, and had just started kindergarten. The medicine that I was put on by my doctor made me so out of it, on everything. I was more or less a zombie. I would sleep 16-20 hours a day, and I wasn't 'with it' when I was awake. The first 4 weeks of school, Jesse missed either 10 or 12 days, and I was either late getting him to school or late picking him up for the majority of the rest of the days. Of course, DFC was called in again. This time they gave me 2 weeks to try and find someone in my family to take my children, or they would have to take them from me. That never happened
On September 29, 2000, the day before Jonathan's 4th birthday, the DFC took my kids away.
I don't even know if you can imagine how that felt. I couldn't function, if it weren't for a friend that lived by me coming over and making sure I ate, showered, and things of that nature, I might not even be here today.
The first time I was able to see my children after they were taken was November 9, 2000, the day after my son Jesse's birthday.
February 12, 2001, my mom lost her battle with cancer. That hit me hard. I was once again dumped into a very deep depression, of which it took me years to recover. I lost couldn't keep a job, home, car, anything like that, all things I needed to do in order to get my kids back.
August of 2001 was the last time I ever saw my kids. The state I lived in had a law that if the children were in state custody for more than a year, they would petition to revoke parental rights. I knew I couldn't care for my kids, I couldn't even care for myself! So rather than having my rights terminated, I gave up my kids. I wish I hadn't, I've regretted that every day since
They had been in foster homes for almost a year. In my messed up mind, I thought it was better for them. At the time it probably was; their 'parents' were successful couples, and I knew they could take good care of them. The boys weren't together unfortunately, but they are supposed to see each other at least once a week. I don't know if that happens, I don't hear anything about them.
Okay, so here's the part where I'm not sure if what I've done was a good idea. My oldest son Jesse is almost 15. I found him on facebook......tonight.
I was so freaking nervous, to have actually found him after all these years!! Of course I sent a friend request, but now I'm not sure if I should have? If they want to see me, they can obviously do what they want after they turn 18. That's not for another 3 years for him.
So now I'm wondering if it was a good idea to let him know I found him? I mean, if his parents check his accounts (as any responsible parent should), would he get in trouble, or would they move? I'm pretty sure he wanted to be found, he was adopted by his foster parents, and so took on their last name. But the name he has on his facebook account is his father's name, basically his complete full name...first, middle, birthname, and adopted name. I doubt this is what he goes by, but I have no way of knowing.
So did I mess up by sending a friend request to my oldest son?? Please say I didn't, but I'm regretting it! I really want to contact him, but not at the risk of 'losing' him again!
edit because I had dates messed up, and it was bugging me...
13 years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful little boy named Jonathan. I also had another beautiful boy named Jesse, who was almost 2 at the time. Unfortunately I was married to the most hateful, cruel person on the face of the planet. When my beautiful Jonathan was only a month old, my husband kicked me and both the kids out so his girlfriend and her kid could move in. I was devastated.
I had always suffered from depression, and this threw me over the edge. I'm sure having just had a baby didn't help me any. My ex was an abuser, which also didn't help any. I had very, very low self-esteem, and coupled with the depression (which then escalated to post-partum psychosis), I had a very difficult time coping. I moved around a lot, was always tired, slept way too much.
When my boys were about 1 1/2 and 3 1/2, they figured out how to get outside. I was often awakened by police or neighbors knocking on my door telling me that my kids were playing outside in their pajamas or diaper, they were next door at the armory, things like that. After it got so bad that the state was threatening to take away my kids, I decided to move out of state.
Things were better for a while, but it started right back up again. After just 6 months I moved back to my home state. My kids and I lived with my mom for a while, until she kicked us out. The kids and I stayed with various friends for about a month, till one night we slept in our car in a friend's driveway. The friend was sleeping when we got there, otherwise we would have been able to go in. My friend was an adult, but she lived in the basement of her parents' house. The next morning, her parents called the police.
Luckily, the DFC didn't take my kids, but they did help me to get an apartment. That went okay for a little while, but I was still struggling with my ever-worsening depression.
Then my mom got sick....cancer....it was all I could do to cope with it. I finally realized I could no longer deal with it all on my own, and went to the local mental health clinic.
There I was diagnosed with depression (of course), paranoia, and anxiety. Apparently they decided the paranoia was the worst of the 3, and put me on an anti-psychotic medicine. I don't even remember now what it was called, I'm thinking it was Zyprexa??
About this same time, my oldest son Jesse was almost 6, and had just started kindergarten. The medicine that I was put on by my doctor made me so out of it, on everything. I was more or less a zombie. I would sleep 16-20 hours a day, and I wasn't 'with it' when I was awake. The first 4 weeks of school, Jesse missed either 10 or 12 days, and I was either late getting him to school or late picking him up for the majority of the rest of the days. Of course, DFC was called in again. This time they gave me 2 weeks to try and find someone in my family to take my children, or they would have to take them from me. That never happened
On September 29, 2000, the day before Jonathan's 4th birthday, the DFC took my kids away.
I don't even know if you can imagine how that felt. I couldn't function, if it weren't for a friend that lived by me coming over and making sure I ate, showered, and things of that nature, I might not even be here today.
The first time I was able to see my children after they were taken was November 9, 2000, the day after my son Jesse's birthday.
February 12, 2001, my mom lost her battle with cancer. That hit me hard. I was once again dumped into a very deep depression, of which it took me years to recover. I lost couldn't keep a job, home, car, anything like that, all things I needed to do in order to get my kids back.
August of 2001 was the last time I ever saw my kids. The state I lived in had a law that if the children were in state custody for more than a year, they would petition to revoke parental rights. I knew I couldn't care for my kids, I couldn't even care for myself! So rather than having my rights terminated, I gave up my kids. I wish I hadn't, I've regretted that every day since
Okay, so here's the part where I'm not sure if what I've done was a good idea. My oldest son Jesse is almost 15. I found him on facebook......tonight.
I was so freaking nervous, to have actually found him after all these years!! Of course I sent a friend request, but now I'm not sure if I should have? If they want to see me, they can obviously do what they want after they turn 18. That's not for another 3 years for him.
So now I'm wondering if it was a good idea to let him know I found him? I mean, if his parents check his accounts (as any responsible parent should), would he get in trouble, or would they move? I'm pretty sure he wanted to be found, he was adopted by his foster parents, and so took on their last name. But the name he has on his facebook account is his father's name, basically his complete full name...first, middle, birthname, and adopted name. I doubt this is what he goes by, but I have no way of knowing.
So did I mess up by sending a friend request to my oldest son?? Please say I didn't, but I'm regretting it! I really want to contact him, but not at the risk of 'losing' him again!
edit because I had dates messed up, and it was bugging me...
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