Did I just screw up?? (very long)

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God, Shelley, how could you not?

Picture this scenario: One year, he gets in contact with you. He says "Why didn't you ever try to find me?" You respond "Well, I looked you up on Facebook, and I found you, but I decided not to bother you." You did the right thing.

You're his mom, he's your son, and I'm crying like a baby! I can't imagine losing my kids! I am so sorry this happened to you.

I had postpartum depression twice, a drop in the bucket compared to your ordeal.
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If he responds, which he will, you have this all written out already as your explanation. He wants to know. This is probably the scenario he's been wishing for.

No child wants their parent to not want them. He will be unburdened to find this is not the case.
 
awe hun, u did what i would have done also.
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i think alot of it is just nerves worried how he will react to it.

i found my half brother on myspace a few mths back and i haven't seen him since i was 12, last i talked to him was 4 mths before i graduated and i'm 32 now and he is 40. i had the same feeling u did when i wrote him, he excepted me as a friend read my profile and look at my pics and about 3 days later took me off his friends list and never replied to my emails. i was crushed, i miss my brother and i'm the only one in the family still willing to be a part of his life, yet he had no time for me. his only daughter just got married last week and he is still in navada with nothing to do with any of us. he doesn't even know his own daughter got married or that he even has 10 nieces and nephews now. i did all i could do and left it open for him to contact me if he wanted. i'm hurt my brother wants nothing to do with me but it's his loss is how i see it. it's sad he has halflings from his mom's side on his friends list and talks to all them but yet back home here the rest of us mean nothing. i pray for u and ur boys nothing but love, blessings and good comes of this and that someday u can be reunited again and ur family brought back together again.

best of luck and please keep us posted how things turn out.
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Girly, I am at the other end of the spectrum. I am a foster parent. If I feel my kids are emotionally stable enough I sort of look the other way when they first start emailing their birth parents for the first time.

It's one of the things they teach us about kids. They will go searching for their biological parents no matter what. You taking the first step is commendable. If your son is ready to open that dialog then it'll be a great thing. If that works out, you may want to formally ask his adopted family if you can have phone or email contact since you found him first. You'd be surprised how non-judgmental many foster/adoptive parents are.

I have a daughter now who's biological mother will sometimes drive up and visit at the house with her and my grand daughter. If it gets too late she grabs some couch time and helps me with the breakfast dishes
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First of all, it took courage to be so open and share your story with us ..
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I have some experience with PPD and MDD .. so I know the despair.

I think you did the right thing. Why else would he have his biological name on facebook if he didn't want someone who knew him then to contact him?? Hopefully his foster parents will be like Boyd, huh?

Deep breathes, girl, the ball is in his court ..
 
I agree. He put his biological name on there for a reason. He hasn't been with you in 11 years, and was adopted, what? 10 years ago? It looks like he did it in case you were looking for him.

Now, if he had listed his adopted name, and no obvious identifying information, then you might have crossed a line.

Also, I wouldn't try and meet him without talking to his adoptive parents, first. He is still only 15.

Good luck!
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Shelly
 
I think that you did the most loving thing that you could for your child. You were having a hard time coping and out of love you gave them to someone who could better care for them. You acted in a completly selfless manner. That is what a real mother is supposed to do, put her own children before herself.

How could you son not respect you? You sound like an amazing woman.
 
I tend to look at things from the angle of the law. As long as there are no court imposed restrictions preventing you from contacting him, you did no wrong.

Otherwise, how could you not contact him? Like someone else said, what if down the road, it came to "Yes, I found you but didn't contact you."

At 15, he can either reply to you or not.

I can picture you glued to Facebook, though, to see if he will respond.

Good luck
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Today's a school day. I wonder if he'll come home, finish his homework, eat dinner, and get on Facebook before bed. Assuming he's not doing after-school sports or something. Please let us know. I'm waiting with you.
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I haven't heard anything back yet, I'm really hoping he does, and that he doesn't hate me
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It's been about 7 1/2 years since I've seen or heard anything about them. Family members of mine would see one or the other occassionally, but the parents always made a point to let the family know this was not acceptable. Hopefully, they have lightened up a bit. I tried looking for Jonathan, but he's only 13, so probably doesn't have as much access to a computer as Jesse does.

This is going to drive me nuts, waiting to see if he'll respond to me
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