Ooftta! I would either take it and attach it to somthing HUGE such a chunk of 2x4 so that she can not sneak off with it and control the time she has with it. If that does not work then I would smash it. Hope things look better for you
!3 year old, IPod, School and what to do...
- Thread starter Cetawin
- Start date
Lady Hawk I think it all depends on the relationship and maturity of the child. I have tried many ways to reason with my children and each one needs a different approach.
I believe that at this point it does need to be taken away. But I would do it with sadness and let her know.
I would suggest that you talk with her and find out why taking it to school is so important that she feels she needs to break rules and sneak it out.
And I really mean talk "with" her rather than at her. When someone yells at me I tend to shut them out, feel angry and rebelious.
My Dad used to turn the situation around (and I hated it). He would ask me how I would handle it if I were the adult. How would I punish a child that did not follow the house rules and took their Ipod to school when they knew they shouldn't
It made me think and I hated it. But it made me think.
The best results I get with the kids are when I let them know how I feel without yelling and give real honest reasons. Without anger I tell them what the resulting consequenses are and let them know I am not happy I have to do it but those are the consequenses.
Then the hardest part... following through. It sounds dumb but perhaps draw up a contract of how long she is without it and what she needs to do to get it back. Have her read and sign it. Post the copy where you both can find it if you need to.
Due to the number of offenses I would take it away for 3 months to begin. Then I set rules (in the contract) such as if it occurs again then it is gone for 4 months or 6 months ect. Let them know ahead of time that this is what will happen. Then follow through.
Music is important to kids especially at this age but the Ipod touch also gives her access to internet and emails and much more. At her age I think it may be a little too much for her to have at this time. Too much freedom to roam where a kids mind doesn't need to roam.
I just bought the same thing for my 18 year old son for graduation. Age appropriate.
I believe that at this point it does need to be taken away. But I would do it with sadness and let her know.
I would suggest that you talk with her and find out why taking it to school is so important that she feels she needs to break rules and sneak it out.
And I really mean talk "with" her rather than at her. When someone yells at me I tend to shut them out, feel angry and rebelious.
My Dad used to turn the situation around (and I hated it). He would ask me how I would handle it if I were the adult. How would I punish a child that did not follow the house rules and took their Ipod to school when they knew they shouldn't
It made me think and I hated it. But it made me think.
The best results I get with the kids are when I let them know how I feel without yelling and give real honest reasons. Without anger I tell them what the resulting consequenses are and let them know I am not happy I have to do it but those are the consequenses.
Then the hardest part... following through. It sounds dumb but perhaps draw up a contract of how long she is without it and what she needs to do to get it back. Have her read and sign it. Post the copy where you both can find it if you need to.
Due to the number of offenses I would take it away for 3 months to begin. Then I set rules (in the contract) such as if it occurs again then it is gone for 4 months or 6 months ect. Let them know ahead of time that this is what will happen. Then follow through.
Music is important to kids especially at this age but the Ipod touch also gives her access to internet and emails and much more. At her age I think it may be a little too much for her to have at this time. Too much freedom to roam where a kids mind doesn't need to roam.
I just bought the same thing for my 18 year old son for graduation. Age appropriate.
- Thread starter
- #23
Cetawin
Rest in Peace 1963-2021
Rwoman...you hit the nail on the head. I have talked to her and asked why she disobeys this one rule and gives me little to no other problems....answer "She does not want to feel out of place because her friends bring their IPods to school as well". I know this is especially hard on her right now because she is "the new kid" having been at this new school, in a new state and etc for only 2 weeks. I have empathy but the rules are there for a reason and she must follow them, no matter how stupid or meaningless she feels they are.
She really is a great kid and this rule is truly the only grief she gives us...aside from the normal monthly moodiness and not wanting to clean her room...all normal there for sure. LOL
These grandparents spoil her rotten, mainly because this particular grandmother is spoiled herself. She is one of those "designer" type people who has to have only the top of the line etc etc. I mean for Christmas when she was only 10 they bought her a laptop
It is a constant battle with kids today....back when we were kids, a new gadget meant a new saddle, an easier way to get food from the food shed to the stalls and the danged Pong Game on your TV. Today, they are tied into everything. Back in Oregon, the elementary kids had cell phones and can text faster than I can...she bugs me about a cell phone constantly and I have told her "NO" and told her grandparents..."If you send it I swear I will run over it repeatedly with my van because she is not allowed to have one" That is probably the only reason they never sent her one...her father constantly tries to convince me to let her have one...him I say "NO" and hang up on him. He stopped bringing it up over a year ago.
*sigh* It is tough being a teenager these days.
To the posters who stated that I gave in to her over her room. First let me say notice the first time she was not even 5 years old. As for the second time, I am not going to be an ogre...her sitting in an empty room for 8 months was punishment in and of itself plus she also lost all privileges such as TV, radio, phone, friends and everything except meals, showers and school.
Thanks everyone your advice, experiences and suggestions....I really do appreciate it.
Another reason I love this place.
She really is a great kid and this rule is truly the only grief she gives us...aside from the normal monthly moodiness and not wanting to clean her room...all normal there for sure. LOL
These grandparents spoil her rotten, mainly because this particular grandmother is spoiled herself. She is one of those "designer" type people who has to have only the top of the line etc etc. I mean for Christmas when she was only 10 they bought her a laptop
*sigh* It is tough being a teenager these days.
To the posters who stated that I gave in to her over her room. First let me say notice the first time she was not even 5 years old. As for the second time, I am not going to be an ogre...her sitting in an empty room for 8 months was punishment in and of itself plus she also lost all privileges such as TV, radio, phone, friends and everything except meals, showers and school.
Thanks everyone your advice, experiences and suggestions....I really do appreciate it.
- Aug 12, 2009
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I would take it away. I would also take away any friend IPODS for even longer to reduce the risk of friends loaning one. With people texting and changing their cd's while driving the risk of being hit is high regardless of whether she can hear a car coming or not.A research paper sounds like a useful idea.
IPods are so expensive.I can not imagine my kiddo taking it to school even if it WAS permitted.
IPods are so expensive.I can not imagine my kiddo taking it to school even if it WAS permitted.
Cetawin, Rwoman is VERY wise in her advice- whether it makes sense to adults or not, kids who are normally well behaved always have a REASON when they step out of line. Cheyenne is a cool kid, and this is a tough time for her- switching schools at her age in the middle of a year is stressful. It's tough, but stick to the rules, it is a life lesson for her. Right now the need to fit in and make friends is going to outweigh a lot of things. See if you can make her see that obeying the rule will be a wiser choice in the long run- She loves you and she knows in her heart that you only want what is good for her.
I do understand her standing her ground about the friends parents OR the friend calling. Kids take you at your word- I taughtfor several years, and learned to never say anything I couldn't follow through with, and to not ever change the rules in the middle of the game- kids are about "fair". I would call the parents myself rather than waiting for them to contact you- then it's not left dangling and you can be done with that part of it all.
Good luck!!
I do understand her standing her ground about the friends parents OR the friend calling. Kids take you at your word- I taughtfor several years, and learned to never say anything I couldn't follow through with, and to not ever change the rules in the middle of the game- kids are about "fair". I would call the parents myself rather than waiting for them to contact you- then it's not left dangling and you can be done with that part of it all.
Good luck!!
- May 8, 2008
- 856
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Quote:
Cetawin I think you're handling this all *very well* and in reality you need others to tell you to just continue doing what you're doing. Being a teen today is tough & just as tough is raising one! It's natural to think "am I doing the right thing?" You're actions & reaction that you've stated here all seem responsible & REASONABLE to me. It's not only our job as a parent to keep them safe but it's our job to teach them how one behaves under different circumstances. This is why people are saying & you've been practicing following rules & consequences because in life we ALL have to follow rules & there are consequences to our actions..... Someone here said teens are all about being fair & I agree. IMO you're talking to her is showing her reasoning skills! It tells her you're getting all the facts & while you may not completely take back the consequences you're taking them into account & weighting things "fair & balanced". There are so many things going on in her life as a teen & you do & should care & when you talk with her & find out what's happening that's what you're telling her, that you care. Showing compassion & empathy is yet another lesson we teach our kids & one that is sadly lacking these days. Frankly I think that's why we have the bullying problem we have in schools now. because there's no way as a kid I could have been so cruel as some of these kids & yet now that seem the rule rather than the exception.... Her being "the new kid" is a HUGE thing & yes you want to be empathetic to it.... You should stick to your guns about rules set & helping to "control her" & really she needs you to do that, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't sit & talk with her & explain the what & why it's happening & ask her what's happening ESPECIALLY if this is out of character for her. Whomever said that their father use to turn it around & ask "what kind of punishment do you think I should give" is correct because this inspired *thinking* & reasoning skills. In 1 question he had the kid realizing there had to be some action & at the same time he was teaching her to step into his shoes. Inspiring kids to think is huge & it's a host of lessons & THAT is parenting. I think the things you've been saying you've done are reasonable you've taken into account her feelings & what happening etc. I think you just need others to tell you to continue with what you know is right. Some times as a parent we look to others to check ourselves. I think you're doing great keep it up.
Cetawin I think you're handling this all *very well* and in reality you need others to tell you to just continue doing what you're doing. Being a teen today is tough & just as tough is raising one! It's natural to think "am I doing the right thing?" You're actions & reaction that you've stated here all seem responsible & REASONABLE to me. It's not only our job as a parent to keep them safe but it's our job to teach them how one behaves under different circumstances. This is why people are saying & you've been practicing following rules & consequences because in life we ALL have to follow rules & there are consequences to our actions..... Someone here said teens are all about being fair & I agree. IMO you're talking to her is showing her reasoning skills! It tells her you're getting all the facts & while you may not completely take back the consequences you're taking them into account & weighting things "fair & balanced". There are so many things going on in her life as a teen & you do & should care & when you talk with her & find out what's happening that's what you're telling her, that you care. Showing compassion & empathy is yet another lesson we teach our kids & one that is sadly lacking these days. Frankly I think that's why we have the bullying problem we have in schools now. because there's no way as a kid I could have been so cruel as some of these kids & yet now that seem the rule rather than the exception.... Her being "the new kid" is a HUGE thing & yes you want to be empathetic to it.... You should stick to your guns about rules set & helping to "control her" & really she needs you to do that, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't sit & talk with her & explain the what & why it's happening & ask her what's happening ESPECIALLY if this is out of character for her. Whomever said that their father use to turn it around & ask "what kind of punishment do you think I should give" is correct because this inspired *thinking* & reasoning skills. In 1 question he had the kid realizing there had to be some action & at the same time he was teaching her to step into his shoes. Inspiring kids to think is huge & it's a host of lessons & THAT is parenting. I think the things you've been saying you've done are reasonable you've taken into account her feelings & what happening etc. I think you just need others to tell you to continue with what you know is right. Some times as a parent we look to others to check ourselves. I think you're doing great keep it up.
Cetawin, I've been through this too. And was reminded that this isn't just about rules, it's about being a teen and testing boundaries.
Since this was a gift from her grandparents, I voted for control useage.
Also, I would talk to the school and make sure they know to confiscate any iPod they see her using. Just because its a school rule doesn't mean they enforce it.
For example: CJ doesn't take her cell phone to school at all. It's against the rules and she knows the penalty if it gets taken. But when the bus broke down and I was worried and called the school the vice principal said, "Can't you call her on her cell phone? Doesn't she have one?" I said she did but follows the SCHOOL RULES and doesn't carry it. The VP said, "Oh."
So, iPods may be very prominent at Chey's school, despite the rule.
BTW, CJ's punishment if anything happens to her cell phone is having to use an archais dinosaur telephone that we have stored in the closet. She's very careful with her phone after a year with "Mom's ancient phone that still has an antenna and instructions on using the antenna!!"
So maybe replace the iPod with a Walkman & headphones? So she can have her music but not be 'cool'?
Since this was a gift from her grandparents, I voted for control useage.
Also, I would talk to the school and make sure they know to confiscate any iPod they see her using. Just because its a school rule doesn't mean they enforce it.
For example: CJ doesn't take her cell phone to school at all. It's against the rules and she knows the penalty if it gets taken. But when the bus broke down and I was worried and called the school the vice principal said, "Can't you call her on her cell phone? Doesn't she have one?" I said she did but follows the SCHOOL RULES and doesn't carry it. The VP said, "Oh."
So, iPods may be very prominent at Chey's school, despite the rule.
BTW, CJ's punishment if anything happens to her cell phone is having to use an archais dinosaur telephone that we have stored in the closet. She's very careful with her phone after a year with "Mom's ancient phone that still has an antenna and instructions on using the antenna!!"
So maybe replace the iPod with a Walkman & headphones? So she can have her music but not be 'cool'?
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You are welcome Lady Hawk. One more piece of advice that I wish I had done better is to keep a close eye on the friends she makes. Meet them, have them over and see if your gut says "good friend" or not.
Talk with them and get a feel for what they stand for, how they speak to their parents (big clue) and their hobbies.
Her friends will be a huge influence in the coming years. Good friends help teens get through these tough years alot easier and a "bad friend" can really lead her down paths that she wouldn't normally go to.
If push comes to shove and your instincts tell you not to let her hang out with a certain kid or group-- stick with it. Moms usually know. You may not be able to control who she is with at school but you can after school.
She is a good girl and you are good parents.
You are welcome Lady Hawk. One more piece of advice that I wish I had done better is to keep a close eye on the friends she makes. Meet them, have them over and see if your gut says "good friend" or not.
Talk with them and get a feel for what they stand for, how they speak to their parents (big clue) and their hobbies.
Her friends will be a huge influence in the coming years. Good friends help teens get through these tough years alot easier and a "bad friend" can really lead her down paths that she wouldn't normally go to.
If push comes to shove and your instincts tell you not to let her hang out with a certain kid or group-- stick with it. Moms usually know. You may not be able to control who she is with at school but you can after school.
She is a good girl and you are good parents.
My niece kept taking her Ipod to school after she was told COUNTLESS times not to. My sister called the school principal and my nieces' teacher and they agreed that if they see my niece with the Ipod they would confiscate it...and that is exactly what they did. My sister ended up getting it back, but donated it to a battered womans shelter.
As far as punishment goes....I was a kid that got into trouble a lot. I LOVED it when I was sent to my room. Even when all my possessions were taken away, my room was still my sanctuary. If you want to punish her...make her clean. Do house work, do yard work, wash the cars, clean out the garage...all that fun stuff. And if she does a bad job, just make her do it again until it is done right.
Which ever you choose, state your boundries...AND STICK WITH THEM!!!
Good luck!
As far as punishment goes....I was a kid that got into trouble a lot. I LOVED it when I was sent to my room. Even when all my possessions were taken away, my room was still my sanctuary. If you want to punish her...make her clean. Do house work, do yard work, wash the cars, clean out the garage...all that fun stuff. And if she does a bad job, just make her do it again until it is done right.
Which ever you choose, state your boundries...AND STICK WITH THEM!!!
Good luck!
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