4H Mom is close to loosing it! Gotta vent or blow! Moms, I need help!

[LuckysMom]

Try to "catch them being good". Whenever you see them being nice to each other, doing chores, etc., be sure to notice and comment about it.

It's human nature to focus on the misbehavior and try to correct it. In my classroom I get into that rut and have to remind myself to pay more attention to the good behavior and not criticize them all the time.

Kids just crave attention. Sometimes kids act up just to get attention - any kind of attention even negative. So give them good attention and hopefully that will encourage better behavior.

Let us know how you are doing!

 

[Judymae]

Okay Sharona-If I sent my 3 to each others room instead of theirs I know what those little buggers would do---they would trash the room they are in because they would be mad at that sibling. My kids can be horrible. We have 3 bedrooms and a playroom. My daughter has her in room and the boys share and then they had a playroom. Well last nite I'd had enough. So they playroom is being dismantled. I'm moving one of the boys in there so I can actually send them to their own rooms. Also my 13 yr old probably needs more privacy now that he is older. I hope this ends some of our wars. If not we have a large storage building outside that I'm willing to aircondition!

 

[mom'sfolly]

4H-mom,
We've all had days, weeks, months like that. My kids behavior goes in the toilet when they are tired or bored. Summer can seem endless. One thing that really works for me and my kids when they are constantly fighting is to make them hold hands until they can get along. No 9-year-old boy wnats to hold his little brother's hand, especially not in public. It also forces them to work together it they want to do anything, even go outside. Sometimes I just go in my room and tell them that I need time out.

Karen

 

[blossom hen]

mom'sfolly :

4H-mom,
...when they are constantly fighting is to make them hold hands until they can get along. No 9-year-old boy wnats to hold his little brother's hand, especially not in public.
Karen

I did that with my two at times also. Or would make them hug each other. And the one time I recall hugging not stopping the fighting I made them "kiss and make up" Never had to do that again! Just last night, DS said to HIS son, "Too bad you don't have a brother. I'd make you hug him!" I'm not sure just what GS had done, since I was just coming in the house, but it must have been really something! ( I had a good internal chuckle.)​

 

[Sharona]

Quote:
That's exactly what happened at my house - it was a mess the first time but for months it worked because my son would then do anything he could (including ignoring the other ones to keep the peace) not to let someone end up in his room again.

May not work for everyone, I only think I'm Dr Phil because I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night!

Just thought I'd share it in the tiny chance it would help.

PS I love the holding hands thing too!

 

[Chirpy]

Wow! I'm sitting here reading all these posts and just thinking what a tremendous family I have (which I already knew). I've been debating whether I should respond because this post will be quite different than all the others.

First, we have eight children (17, 16, 14, 11, 7, 6, and two 3 yr. olds). Several of them have special needs. We Home School so our children are with me 24/7 all year round and I love it!! Even if one child is gone for a few hours or day at a friends house we all feel the big hole here, missing that child.

Yes, I've had days when it seems like everything is falling apart, that's normal. For me it's either because the house just can't be kept up to my 'normal' standard or there's just not enough money to take care of everything that needs to be taken care of. I learned many years ago that I had to let go and make the decision that our children were far more important than a cleaned up house. When I am getting truly upset about something, I take a few minutes or an hour (whatever I can get) and go to the barn and spend some time with the animals. That always helps me get a grip and calm down. We don't have the money for me to go shopping or out to eat or such so I have to stay here. Thankfully, I'm a homebody so I love being home and not leaving. I have not ever had a day (literally) that I wished my children weren't here all the time.

Our children are just fantastic kids. I believe that there are two reasons for that:

1) God is first in our lives.

2) We've been a foster home for over 11 years and have seen children come to us from the most horrid conditions. Our children have truly seen boys and girls come into our home that had no one and nothing to call their own. They'd been abused (in many ways) and wanted so much to be loved and secure and know that they were wanted. I believe that has given our older children a great perspective and thus; they love to be with each other and their little siblings (they actually have all asked to have more children in our home!) Do they fight ?... sure, but it's not very often and it's never physically or using bad words. They have been taught to honor others and put other's before themselves. They understand the wonderful gift given to them to have a mom and dad who love them and a stable, loving home where they are safe.

Several of our children were foster children that we were blessed to be able to make permanent, forever members of our family.

I agree totally that the best thing for any 'on-the-edge' mom is to take some time for herself. That is vitally important. The old saying "If momma isn't happy ain't nobody happy." is usually true. We are not machines, we need good rest and we need to take care of ourselves. It also helps enourmously to have a great husband who understands and is willing and able to step in to take over kid care when mom needs some time alone. I've been blessed with the best husband. If you don't have that husband then find a friend with kids who can understand and maybe trade off babysitting (for free) once in a while.

I also am a big believer in giving children as much positive response and attention as possible. As stated earlier - kids want and will get attention. It doesn't have to be positive attention... they will take negative attention also. We've seen this so much with foster children. Some of them had never had a parent figure say anything nice to them; they would just thrive on positive reinforcement here. I had a little five year old girl tell her birthmother (after being here just a couple of weeks) that she felt safe here because "they don't hit me here!. I say that just to say that we, as parents, need to work so hard, every day, to make sure our children know they are safe and they are loved. Yes, it can be work.

I loved reading about the parents that asked their kids for forgiveness and told them they were sorry. Kids need to know that we are people and human and we can make mistakes and thus, we understand when they do.

I hope this isn't just rambling. I'll stop. My prayers are with you. It sounds like you're doing a great job of getting yourself back together. I think 'sounding off' here was a great idea. Often we just need to express ourselves to someone who will listen and not judge and that alone helps tremendously. I loved the encouraging responses from so many here. It's why this is a great forum... it's made up of great people!

 

[CarriBrown]

4-H Mom, I was surprised to see that we're the same age! For some reason, I thought you were older....

Anyway, I'm not a mom, but I do have a mom, obviously, so I'd like to throw my 2 cents in.
My mom has never said "I'm sorry" for anything she has done to my brother and I, even though she knows she probably should. I know she's human and moms make mistakes, but only a REAL mom will admit when she's wrong.
Your kids may be mad now, but when they are our age, I know they will appreciate you and your mistakes.
You might be doubting your mothering skills, but I think you're a great mom. You're a much better mom than mine could ever be!

 

[bantymum]

Im sorry, i just saw this thread, you poor darling, I have an only child who gives me curry as he has noone to play with or fight with so Im it!
I take off into the laundry which is outside and shut the door and have a few minutes to compose myself before I walk back in.
I also go to the baby chick pen and chill out with the cuties.
Before you know it they will be grown up and you will miss them, try and take it easy, perhaps a meditation session in your room(lock the door) and put earmuffs on.!!!
Hugs

 

[chickbea]

Good heavens! Poor woman!
I'm about to go into a meeting, so I don't have time to read everyone else's advice, but here's mine:
1. Hire a babysitter!
2. Call a friend!
3. Go out to lunch!
4. Do adult things!
5. Tell the kids the day is going to be all about you, you, you, and they'll see you at suppertime - if they are good!