4H Mom is close to loosing it! Gotta vent or blow! Moms, I need help!

[Chelly]

You are not alone, as you can see from all the posts above.

We've all been through it one time or more......

my kids are only 3 and 7 - but argue and fight CONSTANTLY - my husband now just YELLS orders around, its a never ending battle to keep everyone calm.

At the end of the week, on Saturdays, I take time for myself (I work so I'm not with the kids 24/7) but I still need time for myself. I go "play" with my horse, she never back talks or argues with me, she's always happy to see me and its like a fresh drink of ice cold water every week!

Take some time for yourself, let someone else take charge for a while, go get a manicure if thats your thing or a massage or get dirty like I do.. just find your thing, and do it REGULARLY or you'll constantly be on the edge of sanity!

I lost my mom to cancer when I was 16 - I can't "feel" what you feel in that regard, but I too have issues in that whole family thing (parents divorced when I was 5 so I had nobody when my mom died)

Keep your chin up - your kids will be fine with you losing it, they will understand that you too are only human!

Chelly

 

[rufus]

1. Don't pull gray hairs. You can dye them, but once they are gone they are gone. You can't dye bald.

2. Call your mother. Life is too short to be angry with people. If she is rude or bossy with you, that is her problem, not yours. You never know how much you love people until they are gone. Call her and let her know you love her.

3. Get some time to yourself. Go shopping alone and eat lunch out. Don't forget the dessert. Buy yourself some new clothes.

4. Don't sweat the small problems. A hundred years from now, nobody is going to know or care if you didn't clean house or not.

5. In twenty years you will look back on these times as the good times.

Rufus

 

[fosterchick]

I total understand were you are coming from. I have 5 of my own children (15,13,10,9, and 7). Four girls and one boy (the 10 year old). I also have others come and go. We do foster care. I only work when they are in school and I only work for 3 hours in the school. First of all you need to take your time. I always take one day a week for myself. Then I also take two days a month to go out with my husband. I try to find a free sitter to keep cost down. We also try to do something that doesn't cost anything or very little. While we are out on our "date" we try not to talk about the children. Don't worry you children are normal when they fight. I know that it is bothering but it is healthy to do some fighting. Well when my children fight I punish the one or ones creating the problem. The child or children have to do something nice to each other after the fighting is stopped. I do let the child choose the nice deed, but I will let the child know if I think that they need to do more or less. My last sanity thing I do is I put the younger 3 to bed around 8:00pm and the older ones must go by 9:00pm. This way I have about one hour to my self in the evening. Just remember that you are not the only one in the world that loose control it happens to everyone. Just try to make it easier on yourself.

 

[tiffanyh]

Does any mother NOT feel this way sometimes??? If they say they dont-they are LYING!

You almost have a responsibility to blow your top when your kids end up clocking you in the face. They need to know the extent of how serious that is--even if it was accidental. You apologized for your anger--which proves to them your human--a good lesson on its own.

Overall, if your kids know you love them, these little bumps in the road arent going to scar anyone.

 

[dragonlili]

My 4 kids (4,7,9, and 10) literally wake up screaming. All it's been since ? am is she won't play with me, he did this to me, I hate you, make her stay downstairs. Thats all my summmer is. Dh works 14 hours a day, but when he gets home , if he doesn't just fall asleep, that is, all he does is yell at them because they fight, or insinuate that this is something that genetically has come from me.Then he goes and spills more on the carpet than the kids. But no, the kids are a bunch of screaming heathens so it must have come from me or I am just notdoing this parenting thing right. Because, of course he and his siblings were perfect!

I lock myself in my room. Lock up until they start to worry about me. It works.

Gray hairs, that's nothing. Turning 30, nothing. Even turning 40 isn't really too bad. It's when your kids hit the milestones that you will start to feel old. And maybe by then they will have evolved into normal calm, caring individuals. And you will cherish their childhood.

It's hard. I hate the summer. I really don't want to take them anywhere for a short vacation and have to put up with the crap. So for that reason, and lack of funds, we are stuck here. I usually start to count down the days 3 weeks before school starts. It's kind of sad, it feels like it goes so slow, then the weeks go so fast and before you know it your babies are no longer babies.

So take a break, go in your room and breathe, and laugh if you will, that we love families so much to put up with so much.

 

[Blondie]

I feel for all your frustration. Although my kids are grown and gone, we are having more problems with our 23 year old daughter than we ever did when she was growing up!! And I'm counting those teenage years.

She dropped out of college in her 3rd year as a nursing student on a scholarship, hangs out with a bad crowd, is a waitress in a Mexican restaurant, and calls to whine and moan about how broke she is and works so many hours. She won't look for a "real" job. Did I mention she lives in a rental house we own and pays minimal rent?? There's more, but I am too embarrassed to tell you about it.

Just last week I had to get a couple of books on parenting adult children- how to not let their problems become ours and to let go.

It never ends. Even when they "grow" up.

 

[cheepchicks]

4-H Mom,

Please try not to let the little things bother you. You will miss them when they are gone and the house is silent. I know it is difficult I have been there. Even when you feel as if you are making huge mistakes I believe just from reading your post that you are a wonderful Mother. I too thought I was doing a horrible job as a mother. My Daughter's Father has been horrible to her off and on since our oldest child was killed. I tried to never dog him while at the same time being as honest as I could be with her when she asked questions about him. This was a difficult line to walk as he had been extremely abusive with me. When he began the abuse with her I just kept picking up the pieces. And ya know I just read a blog on her myspace. The blog addressed her father and the things he had said and done to her. In this blog there was one reference to me. She stated "since the divorce I have not had much money with Mom but she has enriched my life in ways you never could." So trust me keep loving your children they will forgive your mistakes and someday you will see it...for those few words written by my Daughter were worth a thousand Mother's Day Cards.

Kim

 

[sara]

4-H mom,
I can relate! I am also a SAHM, although my kids aren't quite as old as yours so the fights aren't that intense, although they have their moments. Somedays I think I'd be a better mom if I did go to work.
Hope today will be better than the last!

 

[4H kids and mom]

Thanks gals! Y'all are great!

I took an hour to myself today and feel a little better. I'm not a real "let go shopping" or "manicure" type of woman. In fact, I have never once uttered the words "Aw darn, I broke a nail!" I prefer to get dirty! First I just sat in the yard with my critters after firmly instructing DH and kids that I was not to be bothered. I just sat there, in the quiet, with the sun beating on me (whew. Its a doozy out today!) and watching the goslings chase my goats, and listening to the sweet trills of the guineas who've found some tastey treat.

I sat there for awhile and then decided to tidy up a little, and went on about cleaning out the coop and watching later as the new little chicks and big chickens had a fun time digging through the new, fresh straw. I took the hose and sprayed down the lawn in the back to rid it of some of the goose poop, though you can never get it all it seems, but I made a grand improvement! I ran around and played with the 'kids' in the yard (by that I mean my little goats! Not the human ones!) and ended up filthy because Hershey's favorite game is to sneak up behind me and try to jump on my back! Man, and she aint light! lol

Then I sat some more and watched the chicks play and dust bathe and sun themselves. I watched the little guineas take to the trees making sweet gentle little coos and purrs as they pick the trees clean of all the creepy crawlies. My goats laid at my feet and Fudgy gave me a wet 'kiss' on my leg. I just sat and enjoyed my "me time" without interuption.

All of the roos are out today, which is a dramatic change. Pretty Boy is now allowed access to the gals and is able to crow, where he used to be mercifully beat down for anything he uttered that sounded 'manly' so he mainly hung out in the coop with the girls. ChickenDuck stodd by him today while he "serviced" a few of the ladies, had a great crow, and strutted around quite proud of himself. I dont know whats going on in their social order, but this is all new!

After about an hour, and a gallon of sweat later, I went back inside and the house is pretty quiet. The kids are playing nicely (for now) in their room, and dad is takin a short nap. I get the computer without feeling guilty and I am certainly not cleaning a thing right now! I feel much better about things, knowing I'm not the only one. (Not that I thought I was really, but its nice to hear that I don't have it the worst and that others out there have been where I am and have survived.)

Thank you all so much for understanding and helping me out of the dumps. You guys rock!

 

[Frozen Feathers]

Don't feel bad 4-H. I think every mother in here can relate. I lose it sometimes, too...and I only have ONE!! Granted she is only 2....but some days she can just run me ragged and it's a 24 hour a day job. Especially now that we are potty training

. There are days I count the SECONDS until DH gets home so I can say "here you go, I'm going for walk" and I'm so lucky my DH is an awesome guy that understands I need a break sometimes, too. Some days I just don't get around to doing anything and so what if the house doesn't get clean, not like I'm expecting Martha Stewart to drop by any day now.

I just try to cherish the little things she does, like giving "Eskimo kisses" and learning her colors (which she knows all of them...brag, brag, brag

) and pooping on the potty, lol, that's a good one!!