4H Mom is close to loosing it! Gotta vent or blow! Moms, I need help!

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Hi 4H Mom,

If it's any comfort at all, my wife and I still have our 19 bi-polar daughter living at home. Many days she is very high functioning. When she's down she'll lay in bed for weeks a time. When she's in manic phase, she's verbally abusive, sometimes violent, and generally one of the most unpleasant people to be around. A few weeks back she had to be restrained and I actually heard myself say, "If you swing at your mom again, I WILL knock you out." Last year she spent two weeks in the local psychiatric unit, and it looks like she might end up there again. Things can, needless to say, always be worse.

You sort of have to find ways to let off steam in productive ways. That's why the chickens, bees, and gardens have become such a huge part of my life. This not to one-up you in any way, just to let you know that things could be much, much worse. Hang in there.

Mark
 
We moved out to the middle of no where just so we wouldn't have people popping in. I don't want to clean my house to impress them. I have 3 kids! I'm impressed that we haven't all killed each other yet!
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Really 4H I'm glad you took some time to yourself. Remember to do it more often. And I'm 33 with gray hairs. Not a primping kind of girl either but I did get some highlights the other day. Can't see those grays now! The other poster was right. Your not old by your age your old by your kids accomplishments. I remember taking my oldest to his first middle school dance and I cried because I remember how old all the middle school parents were when I was that age. Now I'm one of them!
 
I didn't even have kids until I was 30 and today is my oldest 14 b-day!! I'm one of the oldest parents in both of my kids grades and hubby which is 51 really is one of the oldest.

Good for you for taking time for yourself! This evening if hubby is not at work take some sweet tea and have some more alone time.

I have 2 stepdaughters 25 and 30. eck!!!! I have a stepdaughter the same age as you!! Sometimes the troubles with older kids really make the fussing and fighting of my younger ones (14 and 11) seems so easy.

You remind me so much of one of the parents of at the school I have and I admire her and you because of what you do with your kids.

jackie
 
Oh My Goddess!!!
It's not just you...
We're all frazzled when the summer comes and you hear, "I'm bored". My son, the 13 year old know it all, actually had the nerve to say it to me yesterday! Read a book, take a walk, clean up after yourself....stay out of my HAIR!!
It came to a head this week when he unplugged the cable and gave it back to DH, and said that he wanted the game that we bought him for a good report card instead...he didn't get the game because he DID'NT HAVE a good report card.
The fish haven't been fed for a week. His sox are on the floor and under the couch. He's worn the same clothes for the past week...blech...his choice, he's got clothes.
Then we were going to the movies and I asked him to feed the fish and get dressed and he gave me a line of crap and I blew up then he told me to go to Hell and ran upstairs and slammed the door in my face, because I didn't give him a good enough reason that he had to get off the computer and feed the fish. :thun
needless to say we didn't go to the movies. I went out to the petshop and Michael's and got some things that I needed.
DH almost clobbered him, when he swore at me. He's just lucky that DH is alot more even tempered than I am.

Long story short, it's not just you...as for the birthday...Have a happy one anyways. Don't let people ruin what happiness you have managed to make for yourself. I always felt like I was a burden growing up too...but I grew up and got over it...Many hugs and slobbery chicken kisses, 4H.
 
:::birthday hugs:::
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My family left me too, when my daughter became disabled. I haven't heard from them in years so I know what that feels like. For me, it's Christmas time that's hardest, but my birthday can be pretty depressing, too. The best thing for you to do is make your own family. You have a husband and children, which is more than a lot of people have, so start with that.

Don't feel bad about losing it with the kids. It happens to all of us, and if I may say so, they were kind of asking for it. Say you're sorry and then just move on. They will not end up traumatized, I promise.

Feel better. You do have family.
 
I think next weekend when you come over and bring chickens, you should find someone to watch the kids and I'll make up a batch of my el especial coconut mojitos. PLUS there's a bluegrass festival in Viroqua next weekend!
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I know how you feel I live in a Zoo myself. My kids are 14 & 8 and they would get into fist fights if I let them. Plus my niece lives next door at my moms house she is 6. They are all head strong & they are never wrong! Then my hubby works 300 miles away mon-fri.

When I worked at my old job I had to travel alot and only home 8 days out of the month. My mom would call me not asking me how I was or glad to talk to you. No first thing she would say was "Do you know what your daughter did today?" lol I'm now home every night and it was hard for me to adjust to the bickering & yelling that to siblings seem to love to do.

But I try to have some down time for myself or go out for a few hours to a movie or to eat or window shop. But just know you are not alone and its ok to feel overwhelmed we all do at times. I have a loser birth father (another story) that I don't talk to & haven't seen but once when I was 8/9 years old. I'm 41 years old now and I've put that behind me and moved on I'm better off without him. I have a wonderful step dad who stepped into the job of my dad when I was 16 months old. And couldn't ask for a better man to fill that job.
Give yourself a hug and wake up to a better tomorrow.
 
I feel for you. I've had problems with my family for years. As a matter of fact, numerous times I have gone to them (although they were the ones that "attacked" me) and have apologized. I've done everything I can think of to make things right and honor my parents. It's been 25 years since I left home and every holiday and birthday still hurts but I've finally come to the point that I have tried and I cannot control their actions. When I get to spend time with them I'm thankful but if I can't I'm ok too. I've turned my attention to my immediate family and I'm content. But I'll admit it took years to get here. My son is now 23 and recently dropped out of college to go to work in the coal mines - totally NOT what I had PLANNED for him but you know what? he's happy, healthy, engaged to a good girl and I'm content - all I ever prayed for was to be a good mom and wife and to raise a good son. I can remember those times I lost and I don't regret them - my son grew up in a real family with real human beings. I'll admit there were times I had to apologize because I might have been the one on edge but kids need to see us as human beings. Just the fact that you've posted what you have shows you are a good mom with the best intentions.

I'll give you a tip a friend of mine told me and it worked like a miracle - when the kids are fighting and no matter what you do you can't get them to use their good sense, instead of sending them to their room send them to each OTHERS room. My son couldn't stand for anyone else to be in his stuff! Just thought I'd mention it because it really had an effect in our house!

Hang in there and be sure to take a few moments for yourself - you deserve it!
 
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It wouldn't be so bad if they could just take it easy on Ol' Mom here. You know, if they could just NOT fight with each other for one day, and get along like they sort of like (or at least tolerate) each other, and not push each other, or pinch, or hit, or kick, or scream at each other, or break each others things that were worked on so hard bringing that one to tears, who then retaliates by smacking the other as soon as Mom leaves the room and then they BOTH have to run in and tell me (no, tell is the wrong word. SCREAM at me is more like it) their side of the story, which ends up getting louder and louder and louder, until my head is near exploding and I just cant take it anymore and then I hollar back at them, causing (of course) MORE tears, running up to the rooms, and slammin of the doors. And then none of us are happy.

These are my "last" two kids...and as I have commiserated and seen with other ppl...IT OFTEN GETS WORSE
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(my kids are now 14 and 16) ... I now know it is NOT my fault and have decided to concentrate on how I react to it and strategies for myself so I dont get ulcers (or a heart attack) ...
...and it is GOOD to let them see and feel the hurt they do to you when they behave this way! Behaving like the perfect "mom-robot" does not teach them this... I don't think you are a bad mom at all...you are a HUMAN mom with feelings and emotions too and it is not a bad thing when your kids see this.​
 

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