My illness had gotton so bad that at the age of 47 {at the time} I had gotton my final affairs in order. I had given up. I didn't think anything would save me. It felt like I was just waiting around to starve myself to death. I felt like nothing was going to help me therefore I had given up hope.
Shame, embarassement and humiliation is what I hid behind and what I dealt with everyday. Only my doctors and the people closest to me actually knew the truth about what was going on. I had kept ED a secret. AT that time I was being laughed at and stared at when I left the house. After suffering with the anorexia for quite awhile I decided to go public and talk about my illness.
Once I decided to tell my story I felt like I had already endoured so much that it couldn't be much worse than I had already gone through. Plus maybe people would see me an treat me like I wasn't some drug addicted junkie that had acheived extremly low weight from drugs.
I felt like if people were going to laugh and stare at me, well h@ll they were already doing that. At the same time I felt like I was putting myself out there and if it didn't go well the negative affects might just push me off that cliff I had been balancing on for such a long time.
The positive encourgament I received after telling my secret was amazing. I want to thank all my fellow BYC friends that have offered prayers, kind words and encourgament to me. It has meant the world to me.
For this reason this is why I think BYC is the most awesome forum around. Its not just a place to discuss our chickens but a place to share and be treated by other members like true friends or like family.
I've traveled a long hard road these last three plus years trying to get well and I'm not saying I'm totally cured from this terrible illness but it sure is a nice start to getting well.
Thanks again to everyone that has offered your kind words and prayers. They have made me feel like I am not a total failure or outcast.
YOU GUYS ROCK
Heres to trying to make it to 102lbs!!!!!!!
