A long, bad rant - need to talk to someone.

[sumi]

Quote:
You should consider medication with caution, of course, but not all anti-depressants will get you "hooked". I put hooked in quotes because what happens with anti-depressants (mostly with SSRIs like Paxil, Celexa, Zoloft) is that you have what they call "discontinuation syndrome" - your body is going through a type of withdrawal but you don't crave the drug like you would with narcotics or alcohol. There are ways to address this problem if you ever needed to stop taking a medication (tapering off very slowly).

There are a few medications that don't have that effect at all - Welbutrin, Prozac (mostly because it has a very, very long half-life), Remeron, just off the top of my head. If you can find a doctor who knows how and what to prescribe, you could probably benefit from it.

My mother sounds like a kinder, gentler version of your MIL - she's been pretty nonsense to my DH in the past. He has stood up to her and she has developed some respect for him. With your MIL it sounds like you both need to walk away. Do you have any relatives that you could stay with?

Thanks, I'll have a look. Am just a bit nervous about meds. We took MIL to hospital about a year ago. She was so out of it, just sat there with this dopey smile on her face. The doctor took all her meds to see what she's taking and when he took her central nervous system depressants she suddenly woke up. We took her outside and she literally begged DH to give her her "little treasures". I've never seen anything like it, we were shocked. She freaked out until we gave her her pills back, then she went back to being just dopey again. It was scary! Seeing things like that put me off meds, to be honest.
We do have loads of relatives and I'm sure some of them would take us, but after the experience we had with MIL I'd prefer if we could just do our own thing. By ourselves. I'm tired of not being able to do anything without someone throwing in her ten pence worth.

 

[SarahBeth9394]

sumi just what are you thinking about taking meds for? You have a mil that is a total witch whom your hubby has allowed her to force you to live without running water for her grandchild. That's the problem. Fix that. I tried to say it nicely before. But this is driving you nutty and you and hubby have decided another year of it. I just can't respect a man who wont stand up for his wife and child. You told him what this is doing to you and his solution is deal with it for another year? How is that a good man who puts his wife and child first? And what happens at the end of the year when you haven't saved enough money? If you truly want to fix the situation you have to be proactive and go see a lawyer YESTERDAY. This could all be solved before the year is up. Also he needs to move you into the big house and tell his mother to shut up and deal with it. It's his property to and that child needs to have running water. If he doesn't then take your child and leave because you can't do any worse for yourself than you are right now. If he doesn't do it now he never will.

Oh and DNA test..... That was right when the adult son should have put his mother in her place.

 

[sumi]

I appreciate your advice, but think about this: The guests house in the main house is her income. Her only income. She's nearly 70. She's sick, she's probably going to die within the next two years. She's obnoxious, but I once got into my car and went and "kidnapped" two (one badly burned) strangers and put them in her guest house while we waited for the ambulance to arrive.
I may be weird and fed-up, but I'm not going to stoop to her level. We're planning on getting water put in our house. We spent the money on getting people DH stupidly felt sorry for out of our house. If my car would stop having problems and people would stop stealing stuff like our electricity cable which cost a small fortune to replace we'll get around to the water. It's not just MIL I want to get away from. It's the whole town and all the bad luck we've been having here that's pulling me under.
I'm fed up with her, the locals, everything here. I want our farm to sell. We've been trying to sell this place for 4 years now, so we're looking at plan B, saving money and moving. It's very unlikely, even if we talk her into trying to get a loan to buy us out, that she'll get one. We've looked into that.
DH is standing up for me, but she's a hard nut. Her behavior is not going to chance, so we're avoiding her as much as we can.

 

[cassie]

Please tell me you are moving into the big house. Leaving in a year or two is fine, but you have to survive until then. A year is a long time, especially for a child. What MIL thinks is not at all relevant. Really, what is the worst that can happen? She will throw a fit. Big deal. She throws them anyway. You don't need medication. You just need hubby to get a backbone and help you move into the big house. If he can't stand to hear her scream, buy him some ear plugs. Show him these posts if you think it would help.

Just for the record, most bullies back down when someone stands up to them. If MIL can't intimidate you she may very well be easier to deal with. And if she isn't you still haven't lost anything. She can't get much worse.

 

[cafarmgirl]

You do understand that she is going to do everything in her power to block or stop the sale of this property right? No amount offered, when/if you get an offer, is ever going to be good enough for her.

Heaven's this brings back terrible memories for me because my husband and I went through a very, very similar situation not that long ago. It went on for years. We finally had to get a lawyer and get a court order for the property to be sold. The lawyers made sure everybody rec'vd the amounts they were legally entitled to. How much each put into the property and income from the property was also taken care of by court order. Without legal help we would probably still be there or we would have left with just about nothing. And these were people who should have cared about their own daughter and grandchildren even if they couldn't stand their son-in-law. They didn't give a rats @#$%, they only cared about how much money they could take for themselves.

If you can legally have your property divided so that she can have full title to her piece and you can have full title to yours that would be a good first step. Then you can be fully in charge of selling your piece and she would have no say over when and for how much you sell it for. And maybe it would be easier to sell? I don't know.

Good luck to you. It may not seem like it at the moment but "this too shall pass". There WILL be a brighter day when you can get the heck out of there and finally start your own lives. This is also the reason that, when I hear people talk of buying property or going into business with family, I usually tell them not to just say no but to run screaming as far as they can go in the other direction!

 

[sumi]

I'm surprised how many people went through similar or other problems with their in-laws. Money brings out the worst in people, as in this case.
DH has a saying: never do business with friends or family.
Luckily (if I can say that) for us MIL's spending more than she's earning, so soonish she'll realize that the only way to avoid going completely broke is by selling the property. I've already suggested to DH that he talks to the property attorney when it happens and make sure he gets his share when the money comes, otherwise he doesn't sign the papers for the sale, without which she can't sell...
She said she wants to borrow money from us, but we both told her it's not going to happen, even if we can, sorry, but charity begins and stays at home. Besides we can't earn enough to keep her and us going.
She's getting cornered slowly so we'll see within the next few weeks what she decides to do. A number of things can happen and I'm going to make sure that we get out of this O.K.
What goes around comes around and she's going to get what she deserves, nothing more, nothing less.

 

[cafarmgirl]

Money does indeed bring out the worst in people.

She is desperate for money so keep close tabs on what she does re the property as much as possible. In our case the relatives took out a line of credit with the property as collateral. We never even knew about it even though we were co-owners and listed on the title and mortgage. They were quietly making payments on it with income from the ranch, which was part ours! Buying cars, stuff for their house, you name it. The only reason it all came out was because they were court ordered to produce all financial records pertaining to the property and they were made to pay up. Your MIL has already mentioned borrowing against the property so she may find a way.

When things finally ended and our place sold then we too had to listen to the crying and wailing about lack of money, lack of help, lack of consideration, on and on and on. Even though they never showed any of those things they expected it in return. You MIL will lay on the guilt probably like you've never seen or heard before. I hope your DH has the strength not to give in! You will need every penny of your share to make a new start.

I also believe too that you get what you give, I saw it happen in our case. I hope this ends soon for you. We've been out of our mess for 5 1/2 years now and I cannot tell you how much better life is. The peace of having a normal day to day life and a happy family.

 

[sumi]

Goodness! That is bad... Luckily she can't borrow money or do anything against the farm without DH's consent.
And talk about guilt. She's an expert at making people feel sorry for her. She plays the victim when it's actually the other way round. She plays on DH's feelings because he cares, but I'm pointing this out to him frequently, so he's getting wise to her, finally.
I really hope things change soon. I'm more than ready to get on with my life now.

Thanks again, everyone, for your advice, support and hugs. It really helps.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Anti-depressants can be a lifesaver. But, in your case, it at least sounds from your posts that your issues are an expected reaction to an expected level in a very stressful situation. Remove the situation, and you probably will be fine. If not, then is the time to look into them. Things like Zoloft used appropriately will not make you dopey or addicted. That said, they do alter your brain chemistry, so I would not personally use them when a move is likely to be what you need rather than meds!

 

[ChickyLove]

I'm not usually a mean person, but today I have a migraine. I pray that God has as much mercy on her as she has had on you and your family. May she receive precisely what God sees fit to give her. Also praying that she is convicted of her nastiness and realized exactly what she has done and what it is going to cost her in the long run (estrangement from family, etc.) In addition, I'll be praying that you, your hubby and your sweet boy will have this solvd in a way that releases you all from her toxicity.