Oh god I don't even know how to start this, I feel so awful. I'd had an extremely bad hatch, I started with 8 healthy growing ducklings, due to hatch in 5 days. One night the special incubator bulb blew, which caused two ducks to die in their eggs. I had to use an ordinary lightbulb until I could find another incubator bulb. I went EVERYWHERE, but no shop had the bulb I needed. So I had to just continue with this bulb, which was wayyy too hot, which meant I had to elevate the lid of the incubator slightly, obviously this completely messed up the humidity. On hatch day only two ducks managed to pip, the other four stuck to the membrane I assume, which meant they couldn't get to the air sack to make the internal pip. I candled these four, finding three dead and one barely alive but still stuck at the wrong end of the egg. I tried to pick the shell away and left the duck in the membrane to absorb the yolk, although I didn't hold much hope. Please also note that this was a last resort and I'd waited two days after the due date. Surprisingly the duckling managed to almost completely absorb the yolk in this state, apart from the tiniest amount, about the size of a 5p coin. Unfortunately the duckling passed away. So with only two ducklings left stuck inside their eggs and stuck to the membrane, I began to free their heads and wings. They both managed to free themselves, and I'm sure they would have died if I hadn't assisted. One duckling (who was to be my little girl, Maisy) was completely free and fluffing up in the warm incubator, the other was partially attached to a bit of membrane by the umbilical cord, so I spritzed it (the cord) with water and left them to do their thing.At around 5am that night I suddenly shot up in my makeshift bed next to the incubator (I wanted to be close to them) with the horrid feeling of dread that something was wrong. Maisy was shouting at the top of her voice, and the sibling was dead. I felt so terrible, but I was just so grateful that I still had Maisy. I spent that entire day with her, and we were completely inseparable. I was also looking online for some day old ducklings I could purchase to keep her company. She would snuggle under my chin and make little content cheeping noises. I loved her so much, I felt so much motherly protection towards her, I just wanted to keep her safe forever. I'm sobbing as I write this. I put her to bed in a brooder and went to sleep myself. Early that morning (I've always found that ducklings are very early risers) she was screaming for me, so I went and got her and tucked her under my chin. I honestly wasn't intending to, but we both fell asleep. I woke up by my alarm and she wasn't under my chin anymore, yet I was in the exact same position as the one I went to sleep in. I felt something under my leg, put my hand there and felt fluff. I just knew what had happened, and her poor tiny beak was purple from oxygen starvation. I've been sobbing all morning and I just miss her so much. If love could bring her back she would be alive. I can't bring myself to bury her and her little body has been tucked under my chin all day. I don't know exactly what I'm writing this for, I just need some kindness or something I just feel so guilty and I know that I deserve to feel like the SCUM of the Earth, but poor little Maisy didn't deserve this. I just don't know what to do. Please help me
My entire day today was planned around her: I was going to take her for her first paddle. I'm a sick disgusting person.
thankyou x
