advice needed please

[SOchick]

I need some help/opinions/advice.

A little background:
My best friend of about 20 years is getting married in the end of September. She had asked me to be her Matron of Honor, and for my oldest DD to be her attendant and youngest DD to be her flower girl. I went ahead and scheduled the week of the wedding off work. She lives out of state, and I went to visit her/do wedding stuff in March. When I left, we mentioned getting together a few times over the summer for me to help more, order dresses, etc. In early May, I sent her a chain joke text (a little 'risque' but similar to ones she has sent me) she replied asking that I not send her stuff like that, and I replied sorry, didn't mean to upset you, etc. I also tried calling her several times that same weekend, and she never answered or returned any calls. I waited a few weeks till her birthday, and called to wish her a good one and wound up leaving her a message, she never called back. It has gone on like this all summer, I will call and leave a message, and she never calls back(never happened before, we always call each other back, even if to say hey I'm busy I will call you in a few weeks when things settle down). I have emailed, texted, and called, and even tried chatting with her on FB, and have heard nothing from her. The only thing I have heard from her is a message she copied me on that she sent to someone on FB (whom I don't know) detailing my story with my ex, and including my maiden name (this really upset me but I didn't say anything). About 2 or 3 weeks ago, I called and emailed asking about wedding stuff, it was time to order the dresses for myself and my girls, also my DH needed to know what was going on because he had to make his work schedule for September. I never heard anything back. DH saw her on FB and chatted with her, general hi how are you stuff, but nothing was said about the wedding or anything. I tried again, but nothing from her.

Today, I got the wedding invite in the mail. I am absolutely heartbroken over everything, and I don't know what to do. Do I go to the wedding? or send my regrets? or just say nothing? There is a small part of me that wants to go, but a bigger part of me wants to do nothing, not even send a card. If I do go, I will have to go alone, because DH had to go ahead and schedule work for that day. So what would y'all do? TIA

 

[hikerchick]

She treated you shabbily. I don't think I would be able to face her and be civil about it so I probably would not go. Also, I would NOT send a gift. I would send regrets. I would not just ignore the invite like she has ignored your attempts at communication because I would not want to stoop to her level.

 

[debilorrah]

I have a former friend that did something similar to me. Friendship is not one sided. If she can't reach out, I wouldn't either. And I can imagine that you are not only heartbroken over the wedding but the loss of a friendship too. She is being unreasonable, and in my opinion, obnoxiously rude.

thats for her

thats for you

 

[b.hromada]

Wonder whats up with her? I kinda agree, I'd send regrets too. Heck, you and she were working on plans for her wedding and all! I mean, if her plans had to be changed, don't you think she should have had the decentcy (sp) to let you in on it? I feel so bad for you, because I know how bad this would have hurt me.

Let us know if she decides to get back to you.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Wow--something in that email must have really offended her. Or she just might be really busy with wedding plans. It shouldn't take ALL her time for months, though. I think you should call one more time; use a phone with caller ID blocked, or perhaps someone else's phone. If you get hold of her, try to have a heart to heart discussion--that you had not meant to offend her and you are very sorry that she was, that you are hurt that she hasn't been willing to talk to you. Ask her is she wants you and your daughters in the wedding or not. If you cannot get hold of her, call her parents and speak with them--surely they know her wedding details, and hopefully can advise if your friend is still angry. Here, too I would express an apology for offending.

You are still on the guest list, or you wouldn't have received an invitation, so I think the friendship can probably be repaired.

 

[cassie]

You may have been best friends once, but you aren't any more. It appears that she has decided to terminate the friendship for whatever reason, and that reason was not the email you sent her. Maybe set aside a little time for yourself to mourn what was, but then let it go and move on.

I would send regrets and a nice card. Period. I would definitely not go and I would certainly not send a gift.

 

[LarryPQ]

That's rough. Had something similar with my sister.

No matter what you decide, make sure you RSVP so she can adjust her guest list. She may be a poor friend, but you can still be a well-mannered guest.

 

[Judy]

I agree, no more attempts to contact her, you have made too many already. Do the polite thing and RSVP with regrets. Most definitely no gift.

Most of us who've been around a few years have had this happen to us. You will probably never know what the real reason is. The slightly off color email was an excuse, most likely.

Actually, I suspect she made a new friend who she wanted for the matron of honor, etc., and did not have the guts to tell you so, or ask you to back out.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

I still think one more attempt is in order. For your own closure you need to know what happened. It could be that she is being Bridezilla, and you along with everyone else are being trampled by a mindless monster, and when she comes to her senses will not beleive her behavior. There could also be an issue with her groom--if you have previously exchanged similar messages, could he be monitoring her messages and limiting her access?

 

[Wifezilla]

After the first couple of blow offs I would have put it all on the line...

"Do you want me and the kids there or not? If I don't hear from you, i assume my services will no longer be required."

And yeah...this sudden change of personality COULD have something to do with the future husband. Be prepared for a phone call a few months down the line from her when everything falls apart.