advice needed please

[SOchick]

Thank you guys so much for your advice and support!

DH and I talked about it alot tonight, and he read your responses, and he agrees with many of you that I should not go. He doesn't want me hurt further by going alone, and I don't want to drag my kids in this any further than I have to. He really agrees with so many of you, I won't end the friendship by not attending, she has already done so.

I have thought about a snail mail letter, I really want to say something like "I have loved you like a sister for 20 years, and mourn as though I have lost one. I am always here if you need me and I hope you have found what you wanted and needed in life." But I feel like maybe that should wait until after the wedding? So I don't stress her out further?

Anyway, at this point, the plan is to send my regards and a congrats card with a visa gift card.

 

[Sitka]

I'm sorry this happened. I think you have made an extreme effort to apologize and reconnect, and she is being rude and immature. I don't blame you for not going. I would not be surprised if she pops back up at some point, but at this time I think you should step back -- you have done more than enough.

PS, I found it odd that she chatted with your DH on Facebook but is unavailable to you.

In short, remember that you have not done anything wrong....

Here's what your BYC friends think of her behavior:

 

[WriterofWords]

Sweetheart you have been dumped. Don't respond, don't send a gift, don't acknowledge this wedding in any way, shape, or form. Trust me, she doesn't expect you to and she sent an invitation knowing, or hoping, that you would not appear there because you wouldn't want a scene.

Do you really want to be at a wedding that everyone knows you were supposed to be in but suddenly aren't? How do your daughters feel being treated in this way? Do you want to subject them to being at a wedding they were supposed to be in?

Write off this former friend for now. Let her make the first move towards you in the future and do not accept anything less than the exact reason why she behaved in this way during a time that for best friends should have been the culminating event of years of dreams together.

 

[English Chick]

I agree with most of the other poster's advice here........... but as you have both been friends for 20 years I would expect an explanation as to why she has treated you this way.... personally I would need to have a face to face chat to clear the air between you, otherwise it begins to eat away at you as to what it is you haven't done..... then you will have closure..... she is being extremely rude in her actions to you.... but there could be other reasons behind it.... could it be that she is going to call off the wedding because she is having doubts and does not where to turn ... perhaps she needs someone like you to talk to... sometimes pushing people away (especially best firneds) is their excuse not to hurt them in the long run... many questions needing answers here......

I wish you luck..... she will have lost a good friend if she does not face up to her responsibility to you as her friend

 

[horsejody]

Quote:
I wouldn't send a gift. I would just send a thoughtful card and my well wishes.

 

[rainplace]

Quote:
I think this is the best way to handle it. And how awesome that you understand that it's best to wait till after her wedding. As awful as she has been, it is her wedding. It is definitely her loss, you are doing and have done everything a bestfriend could do. I am so sorry she hasn't reciprocated.

<hugs> to you.