advice needed please

[Camelot Farms]

I am sorry that this is happening. It must be hard to not know what is going on with her, especially when your friendship has been so lengthy.

I would RSVP, other than that, I would not acknowledge the event. She isnt acknowledging your friendship!

Gifts are earned and deserved....she has done neither in my opinion.

Hugs to you!

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

Personally her whole deal sounds immature. Its POSSIBLE she could just be very, very busy and it could all be a misunderstanding. However, if she had previously asked you to be the maid of honor, she would have been in contact with you by now. I have a very good feeling that the text message was not her only issue. Honestly, if someone stops talking to you just because of some stupid text message that may have offended them, then they are just being incredibly immature. If that was her only issue, she would have been able to ask you kindly not to send stuff like that again and move on.

If I were in your shoes, I would send regrets and perhaps a small gift. A $50 visa gift card might be a good idea and then I would just let her be. She has to make the next step, otherwise your friendship is one sided. You never know what might happen in the future, so its better to leave things on good terms, rather than ignore her (like she has been doing to you) or to not send her a gift. When she realizes just how immature she is being, she may contact you again and perhaps you will have the heart to forgive her. However, you can feel satisfied that YOU took the high road.

I had a similar thing happen last year and I left everything on good terms. While it didn't make me feel any better to let go of a friendship, I felt good about myself for choosing the higher path...and sometimes that's all you can do with people.

 

[redhen]

I wouldnt even send a gift..

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

At the moment I would probably feel the same way, but in the end I'd probably send something, even if its small. You just never know what will happen in the future, and who knows? Maybe there is a very good and valid reason for her actions. Its also possible that you may need this friend in the future for something and if you end the friendship on bad terms she won't be there if you should ever need her. If she was that close of a friend to you that you are very sad about the possible termination of the friendship, than it is always a good idea to leave on good terms.

I actually needed a few favors this summer from the person who used to be my very good friend. I don't consider us to be friends anymore, but I acted maturely and fairly after he ignored my phone calls several times. Had I acted in a vengeful way, I would not have been able to call him for those favors. I don't go out of my way to do things for him like I used to, but if he asked me for a favor I would certainly pay him back for the few he has done for me. (My family used to give him PBA cards and birthday/christmas gifts. We also used to use him for animal sitting. We don't anymore)

Don't get me wrong, I'm a VERY forgiving person, but I never forget what a person may have done. I know everyone is very different, so this is just my take on the situation. My dad has a hard time forgiving and forgetting, so he will hold grudges much longer than I do. My mom always acts in the nicest way possible, even when someone has wronged her. I guess I'm sort of in the middle of those two extremes.

 

[redhen]

I never said to be vengeful..lol..I simply said I'd not send a gift. I'd not waste my hard earned money on someone that does not appreciate it. Just my opinion..

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

LOL, I didn't mean that you had. Its just usually when someone acts the way the OP's "friend" towards me, I tend to want to do things to be vengeful of their actions. Usually I'm pretty good about *not* acting on my feelings, but that's what I meant when I said vengeful.

Gift or not is really up to the OP to decide. That's a very personal thing, as it is hard earned cash that will be paying for the gift.

 

[redhen]

LOL..Oops! My mistake!

 

[debilorrah]

Personally, I would send my regrets and nothing else. If a person can't have simple respect for another, why should they get any in return. Respect is earned. IMHO.....

 

[Lu King]

Forget about her...she is no friend. Friends like her you don't need.
Let her know that you can't make it...and don't send her a gift either.

 

[bigkford]

I went through this along with a friend of ours. We were always there for each other all through school. The said named friend lived with my parents and us for her last three years of school. She ended up prego and her mom kicked her out. My parents excepted her as part of the family and helped with her schooling and pregnancy. Here daughter is of age now and comes to see her Nana. My Mom) But her mom acts like none of us are alive. She blocked us from her e-mail and phone. Her husband, which we found out about at my dads funeral still wants to be apart of all of us. But she will not stand for any contact with us, or her other friends from school. Her daughter s ready to move back her with my mom because she doesn't want to sever ties with the only family she has known. So it just goes to show it might not always be the man. I can't believe I just said that its always the mans fault. Sorry about the last part but you just never know.