alcohol related-need advice--UPDATE 1-2-2008

[paganfish]

Quote:
Karen-

The only thing you can do is offer her the solution of AA and the possibility of networking through other alcoholics (like her) on what is best for her...

Yes, getting a sponsor ASAP is a BIG step. Her sponsor will aid her in her journey of recovery. If she can't find a sponsor that will work for her right away she should get a temporary sponsor. She needs guidance NOW! I can't stress that enough...

Being on step 1 for a while sometimes...needs to be done. It's all very personal. Some can fly right through the 12 steps and some take a bit of work. It might just mean those folks just need to take baby-steps. (No pun intended) Whatever works...the trick is to focus on whatever solution there is. If she's on step 1 for a few weeks and is sober and working the program...that's great! She'll get there. If she sticks to the program!

As for you...

I was not saying in any way that this was up to you. I was just suggesting perhaps you go with her because sometimes the act itself can put someone more at ease. Not always, but sometimes. I know too well that no matter how much one wants an addict to stop they will not...not until they are sick and tired. Hit bottom. Sometimes...many bottoms.

Sometimes...they don't get it.

I lost my nephew to addiction...so, this is all very near to me. I swore, since his death, that I would never ignore an addict in need. If not at an a AA meeting then wherever it may be. I only wish I had done something for him...but, oh well. That's life on life's terms. He was 32.

On a bright note: I have seen firsthand how AA has helped MANY folks. I believe this would help your sister more than just drying up and going back out again. She needs to dry up yes, but most importantly...she needs to STAY dry. This is where AA comes in.

I wish you and your sister the best. I hope she gets the help she needs...that which will enable her a much better quality of life. It's a helpless situation...I know. So, do the best you can and know that that is ALL you can do. It IS up to her...may she find the higher power to assist her with this!

Peace-

Pedro

PS Although I don't think I am an alcoholic and I drink every once in a long time, I always watch myself. If it ever is evident I may have a problem...I know to get my butt to an AA meeting.

 

[mom'sfolly]

My mom was on an involuntary commit for mental illness a year ago. If you can get the involuntary commit, through a judge, to a treatment facility chances are that after the 3 day hold your sister will be in full detox and will need to stay for medical reasons. The facility should be willing to keep her. The tough thing though is paying. Many people in these situations don't have insurance and if they do, most are very limited in what they will pay for.

I worked briefly in a alcohol and drug abuse agency and it seemed to me the people with the best chances of getting clean and sober started in an inpatient facility. But my experience is limited. I think that your sister is admitting a problem is a HUGE step, and real progress. I lost my dad to alcoholism (crazy mom, drunk dad...what fun!), and I wish that he had realized he had a problem.

Good luck, let us know what happens.

Karen

 

[GloriaH]

Have you been in touch with the Salvation Army... They run Harbor Light Rehab.

 

[Henrietta23]

Quote:
Good suggestion Pedro. I have friends and family members who received a lot of help from Al-Anon when trying to cope with someone who is an alcoholic.

 

[johnnyjack]

sw... .my brother has been in and out of aa rehab and everyother place .. and prison.all his adult life. he always ends up back at the bottom and in the brew. no matter how much we try to help he still dose it. ya cant help a person who dosent want to be helped.. glad to here ur sister is wanting help and trying.. good luck i will be thinking of ya.......... johnny

 

[Barnyard Dawg]

Quote:
Great advice Pedro

 

[dbjay417]

alcohol addiction is a real pain in the buttocks. God does the trick for a lot of people. A friend of mine was an alcoholic at 16. 8 months in county whipped him into shape. Rehabs and detox programs are a hassle. I've had some aquaintences with various addiction issues, and many of them waited months to get in and came out still wanting to get high after 3 months.

Addiction is really sad stuff. I thank God I got to know those people though. Seeing them will keep me from ever making those mistakes.

 

[buckbeak]

I also need to suggest finding a good long term counselor/family therapist person in addition to all the other good advice. Often addictions are a sort of secondary mental illness. They come about in attempts to either self medicate for or escape from other problems. Once you deal with the addiction, you suddenly realize all the problems that you had when you went into the addiction are still there.
Much luck to you and your sister.

 

[Fancy Feather Poultry]

My mom was a alcholic, se went to rehab 5 time, AA meetings she never beat it and then the alcohol won and killed her. Bless you for trying to help her, I would get her to a rehab and get her checked by a doctor, and maybe the doctor can point you to anouther rehab.

 

[Queen of the Lilliputians]

I agree with all the fantastic advice on here. My mother went to AA for years. It really does make a difference.

But I would caution you to avoid getting too wrapped up in her problems. Yes, give her a lift to help if you want to (that would be terrific), but be careful if she starts calling you everyday, drunk and feeling sorry for herself.

You need to take care of yourself and your family first. Then, and only then, help your sister. I know that sounds harsh, but I lived with an addict for a long time. Whenever he would start sobering up, he would say how awful he was, how sorry, he was going to get clean. That lasted until the next time. Then it was all over again. I believe he meant it.. but not enough to really get clean. She has to want this for herself. You wanting it more than she does will only lead to heartbreak in the end.

And if you suggest in-treatment, or AA the next time she calls, and she gives you some lame "that won't work" answer.. well. I guess she doesn't really want it bad enough.

Take care of yourself. I hope your sister gets the help she so desperately needs. And please understand, I am in no way saying don't help her. She's your sister.. and it is your job to help if you can. I'm just saying you have yourself and your family to take care of first. There is no shame in that.

Meghan