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Don't be sorry for your feelings as you are not alone. I have seen cattlemen saddle up and check on new calves when everyone else was in the "fraidy hole" avoiding a bad storm or hand feed sick calves. Now to hand feed a sick calf you place the feed directly into the stomach one hand full at a time. Horsemen are the same way and I have seen the hardest looking cowboys tear up when talking about their favorite horse from years ago. They can easily speak of the day when family was lost but the animals always gets to them.
Living in the city has not got a thing to do with it. If you ever lose the ability to cry over your critters that is the time to sell them off and go back to the city.
There are those that are animal owners and those that are animal keepers. A keeper is special because of the love and respect that they show for the animals that depend on them. Sometimes mistakes are made and that is a part of life, please don't be hard on yourself for what has happened. The birds may not have brought this in, it could have come on your place from any number of things like wild birds or rodents.
X10! this is so true, animals get sick and die for various reasons, it just happens. No matter how well you care for them in fact, it still happens. There are ppl we know of breeding horses and neglecting them, junk and old barbed wire in their pasture, no v!!accinations etc. And wouldnt you know it they seem to always do fine, foals are healthy, even get the color patterns they want, one time they didnt even know the mare had foaled for 2 weeks!!! And here we are, taking great care of our mares, spending a lot of money on them, after all its a breeders responsibility, and weve had things go wrong every time, freak accidents, illness,etc. Thats just part of the game, so stay in it, the alternative is missing out on all the enjoyment they have to offer. We have all been through things like this, its very hard, esp. now when youre in the midst of all the stress. Hang in there, things will get better!
(sorry for getting a little off topic....
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Thank you so much.
Your kindness means a lot.