Am I being mean?

[justbugged]

Please don't forget that these things that the others want really belong to your daughter. She is his next of kin, not his sisters. So I wouldn't send them anything more. Your daughter can make those choices about her dad's things when she becomes old enough.

 

[Alabama ee]

I agree. The things belong to your daughter. I would not send them a thing. Period. I think they are playing you to get things. You are being way, way too nice.

 

[DuckLady]

I agree that you should stop giving things away. I gave stuff away of my Mom's that I now deeply regret. I was not thinking right and I can imagine that with your loss of a husband it is so much more emotional.

My 2 cents...tell SIL to stop begging. She is not getting anything until YOU are ready.

Tell the guy who bought the tools to keep them. You obviously needed the money and you are entitled to sell anything you need to/want to. You shouldn't feel guilty for taking care of yourself and your daughter before all, whether it be emotionally or financially.

So when YOU are ready to hand out mementos, you will. Not before.

Your husband's property is yours. You are his spouse and you are his heir and next of kin.

The day of my mom's funeral, I had a cousin's husband tell me how much his wife would like this or that, right in front of our family and guests, thinking I would not cause a scene and just say yes to shut him up. I looked him in the eye and asked him why he was raised so badly as to beg for stuff when the deceased was barely cold and he just blew any chance of grubbing anything at all when the time came.

Lastly....

 

[welsummerchicks]

You've been through an awful lot in the last seven weeks.

I think your plan is good - they can have things if they send postage. The items can be sent surface or book rate or something like that. It is slower but cheaper.

And if it is something you want to keep, keep it and hope that they're too far away to get the idea to come and get it. If they could come get it you may want to move it off your property and have someone else hold it for you.

It's fairly obvious that they want things they can use or sell. They may not realize that the WWII stuff is valuable. You may want to move that stuff to a safety deposit box if you want to keep it, or sell it right now if you don't want to keep it.

As far as I know, they have no legal title to anything he owned, you can verify that with a lawyer(consultations are usually free or around 25 dollars). Unless he left it specifically to them in a will, I don't think they have any rights to it.

I've seen in our family, that some people get very, very selfish and unpleasant when someone dies.

It's a very, very weird thing to see in motion, and it's also very painful and unpleasant.

 

[Mattemma]

I am so sorry for the your husbands death. Hugs. I would not send ANYTHING to ANYONE for atleast 6 months to a year. I see no reason why the sister is pushing to get this and that. It would be better if she came up for a visit later,and if you could show her the things you are willing to part with. If anyone it should be the wife and children that get to decide what they feel they need to keep,and what they feel OK with letting go to family and friends.

The few times we have dealt with friend and family deaths it was heartbreaking to see the way some *FAMILY* behaved as they swarmed in and squabbled over material things.

 

[KimberlyJ]

It's not about the money really. It's about the value. And every single thing your husband had is way too valuable to risk being lost in the mail (or UPS). Really. Tell her you could not dream of sending these things that cannot be replaced. If you wish to let them go, she is welcome to come get them. If you want to keep them for awhile, then tell her you cannot possibly handle parting with anything just yet. You're not ready. We all greive in our own time and you'll let her know when the time is right for you.

(My cousin HAD to have all of my grandmothers collectables, they meant sooo much to him. It didn't take him a week to post them all on ebay.)

 

[un-named]

so sorry about the loss of your husband.
You are being too nice here. Let them know that you need time to deal with things and your daughter needs to be considered in what she wants of her father's items. Tell them you have more important things to deal with right now and you will get back to them when the time is right. You were way too nice hunting down the fella that bought the tools just to buy them back!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[michickenwrangler]

Quote:
Actually, she asked about the tools YEARS before my husband died. Just my husband was still using them at the time. Rest of the stuff, yes, she is just being greedy.

Wayne's ex-wife called a few days ago, apparently SIL called her because she was worried about what I would do with her parents' ashes. I'm not sure if she thought I would pour them down an outhouse or what, but they're still in their respective boxes, next to the ashes of my old Great Dane. When ex-wife called and brought up the ashes, I was half-afraid that SIL wanted them.

 

[bunnibird55]

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. His sister is not a nice person. Do not send her anything else. Do not talk to her or she will whine some more and try to pass guilt on to you. I believe she is only trying to get these things from you so she can sell them. I have relatives just like that. Don't let her wear you down. You owe it to your husband's memory and to his daughter to keep these items until his daughter can decide what she wants to do with them.
Hang strong! We are here whenever you need a shoulder!

 

[Theapplechicks]

Sadly I have a few relatives like this and they never stop. I have chosen to cut off contact w/ them and keep it VERY limited and on my terms.

If her brother was so important to her she would have been there more and she surely would not have missed his memorial service! I would not send another thing, I would say that you want to keep the things you have left to pass down to your children, or if you don't she can come look through them herself.

But as someone else stated right now, you have just lost your companion and part of your life, you need your own time to heal and do not need the added stress of dealing with this right now. Tell her you will not discuss these things right now.

I am so sorry for you loss and hope things improve.