Am I in the Right, Or am I in the Wrong??? UPDATE Pg. 14)

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

Quote:
Well he is actually mad (or maybe just upset) at me for not going. Not about if he can or cant go. I havent told him not to go.

About having a date at home. How do you get your kids to bed early. I have to put my 4 year old to bed by laying in bed with him. Or he wont go to sleep. I get bored laying there in bed trying to wait for him to fall asleep and I usually fall asleep also. And end up staying asleep for about an hour or two. Oh and how do you pry your DH away from TV or Video Games to spend time with you. We dont have cable. And he is bored with all our movies. So he dont like to watch movies any more.

 

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

Quote:
Well of course he would. No one likes it when everyone knows what a bad boy they've been.

Well I did let every one know when it did happen. But after confronting everyone about it. We decided not to talk about it any more, and that it was in the past.

I bet that is another reason he is upset with me. Because me not wanting to go because "R" is there is sort of like talking about it, in his eyes any way.

 

[Elite Silkies]

Quote:
Very well put!

I have to also agree that you are a much bigger person than I am. I don't think things would have gone quite the way they went for you, if I had been in the same situation.

Your worried you will hit her at the wedding if she does anything? Don't lower yourself to her standard. Your better than that!

You sould look the best that you could possibly look and hold your head up high and show her that she did NOT get the best of you.

 

[Knock Kneed Hen]

Quote:
Well of course he would. No one likes it when everyone knows what a bad boy they've been.

Well I did let every one know when it did happen. But after confronting everyone about it. We decided not to talk about it any more, and that it was in the past.

I bet that is another reason he is upset with me. Because me not wanting to go because "R" is there is sort of like talking about it, in his eyes any way.

Men take care of the issue and then they're done with it. Women talk about it, talk about it some more, talk about it with some friends, beat a dead horse with it, scream about it to anyone that will hear us, then guess what???? Just when we think we're over it we talk about it again!!! You're exactly right, in his mind you dealt with it and moved on. This is reopening a wound that he thought had already been taken care of. He made a mistake...he's sorry. He just wants to move forward and pretend it never happened. Men CAN do that. Women have a harder time doing that. If you've truly forgiven him then act like it and stop beating this dead horse!!

 

[SunnyDawn]

About having a date at home. How do you get your kids to bed early. I have to put my 4 year old to bed by laying in bed with him. Or he wont go to sleep. I get bored laying there in bed trying to wait for him to fall asleep and I usually fall asleep also. And end up staying asleep for about an hour or two. Oh and how do you pry your DH away from TV or Video Games to spend time with you. We dont have cable. And he is bored with all our movies. So he dont like to watch movies any more.

Oops! I think these are two of the top ten problems young married folks face these days! First you need to get some books on ways to get your 4 year old to go to sleep without you laying there (warning the first few days will be TOOOUUGH!). Studies show the longer you wait to wean a child to a more independant bedtime the harder it can be! Make a chart for your son, explaining that he is a big boy now and that he will be going to bed on his own from now on. On the chart have the days of the week listed with boxes for each day. In the boxes mark "1 2 3". Tell him he is allowed to call you three times each night and mark off each time he does so. In a bowl by his bed you can keep tickets. For every time he exceeds these three "delays" he loses a ticket. Set up rewards for him to be able to use the tickets on (i.e. 3 tickets buys a juice pop etc.).
This and taking away some priviledges worked well for me. Just let the child know what to expect ahead of time. A 4 year old won't understand you adding punishments he wasn't told about ahead of time. Stick to your guns and be consistant and you'll be surprised at how fast he learns.
As for the video games! Hoo boy! TVs and video games are death for many relationships. At least once a week, you two should be sure to take some couple time for the 2 of you. Make sure this time is not spent rehashing your stressful days but is spent just relaxing and enjoying each other! No work talk or complaning allowed!!! It is also a lot of fun to have a family game night. Get a video game the whole family enjoys or at least one you and DH can enjoy playing together. I don't think 2 nights a week is too much to ask for some positive "bonding time".​

 

[TiaView]

If he is the Best Man and she's the Bridesmaid....humn...sounds like they might be spending some time together at that wedding. And by the sounds of things, your SIL or MIL may have set that up.

I'd be really concerned that your husband comes from a family that embraces these type of people and their low class actions, yet finds fault with you. Sounds like you are a good wife and mother from what you've said. The ONLY person that you really need to have a relationship with is your husband. And if you don't communicate with him and find out if he values your marriage as much as you do...you could be in for a real problem. The wedding doesn't seem like the biggest issue here.
Hope you guys pull together and work through this.

 

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

Quote:
Well I did let every one know when it did happen. But after confronting everyone about it. We decided not to talk about it any more, and that it was in the past.

I bet that is another reason he is upset with me. Because me not wanting to go because "R" is there is sort of like talking about it, in his eyes any way.

Men take care of the issue and then they're done with it. Women talk about it, talk about it some more, talk about it with some friends, beat a dead horse with it, scream about it to anyone that will hear us, then guess what???? Just when we think we're over it we talk about it again!!! You're exactly right, in his mind you dealt with it and moved on. This is reopening a wound that he thought had already been taken care of. He made a mistake...he's sorry. He just wants to move forward and pretend it never happened. Men CAN do that. Women have a harder time doing that. If you've truly forgiven him then act like it and stop beating this dead horse!!

I bet if I was the one writing letters. He would still be mad at me and still thinking about it.

It hurt my heart, it still hurts. But being around "R" makes it hurt bad all over again. And yes it is going to be a very long time before any complete trust is in the guy. This was not the first time this has happened. But it will be the last. The next time he does any thing like this, I am gone. But first to find a way to get money to do it.


My SIL has very bad taste in friends. All her friends seem to be guy stealers. I cant wait to get out of this county. Hubby is trying to find a job some where else so we dont have to live here any more.

 

[lurky]

I dont know why SIL would want R there if she is a hubby thief. I think she sounds like a trouble maker. I think your husband should have confronted his sister like a MAN and said wth??
You should NOT have had to be dealing with this, he should have. You deserve better than this and i hope he figures it out and steps up!!!
Good Luck to you

 

[ranchhand]

Quote:
Men take care of the issue and then they're done with it. Women talk about it, talk about it some more, talk about it with some friends, beat a dead horse with it, scream about it to anyone that will hear us, then guess what???? Just when we think we're over it we talk about it again!!! You're exactly right, in his mind you dealt with it and moved on. This is reopening a wound that he thought had already been taken care of. He made a mistake...he's sorry. He just wants to move forward and pretend it never happened. Men CAN do that. Women have a harder time doing that. If you've truly forgiven him then act like it and stop beating this dead horse!!

I bet if I was the one writing letters. He would still be mad at me and still thinking about it.

It hurt my heart, it still hurts. But being around "R" makes it hurt bad all over again. And yes it is going to be a very long time before any complete trust is in the guy. This was not the first time this has happened. But it will be the last. The next time he does any thing like this, I am gone. But first to find a way to get money to do it.


My SIL has very bad taste in friends. All her friends seem to be guy stealers. I cant wait to get out of this county. Hubby is trying to find a job some where else so we dont have to live here any more.

Oops. Now the story gets bigger.

 

[redhen]

The more that i think about it...
No, i would NOT go..and my husband would not go either.
He has the NERVE to be mad at you?? *snort*..
Nah...put your foot down for once...
Do you really want your husband in the same wedding as this huzzy? He'll probably have to walk with her down the aisle...
You should NOT have to deal with that after what he did to you....
Your husband basically cheated on you with this woman..(yes..writing love letters to another woman IS cheating...!!!). too bad for him if he dosent like for you to remember it....
Put your foot down ... dont go..and tell him he isnt going either...
Also... you said this isnt the first time this has happend with him??