Am I in the Right, Or am I in the Wrong??? UPDATE Pg. 14)

[MysticScorpio82]

Hmm It really is your choice. But I guess my question is, do you trust your husband to go to that wedding alone, when you know R is also going to be there?

 

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

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Hubby just told me yesterday that he wasnt going if I didnt.

 

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

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This. Get some clothes at a thrift shop. And clamp down on the temper! Be the bigger, more gracious, friendlier person.

And after the SILs wedding, start reworking the marriage a bit. If DH was sending love notes back to a homewrecker.... counseling, lifestyle shift, whatever it takes from both of you. Good luck!

The love note thing was about a 1 1/2 years ago. Thats not going on right now. We have been doing really good lately. Until I told him I wasnt going if she went. Now he seems upset with me. Ive tried to get him to counseling before, never happened. Plus we cant afford it.

 

[PineappleMama]

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Well of course he would. No one likes it when everyone knows what a bad boy they've been. That's why grounding was always SO much worse to me than a spanking. Spanking is done and over with, no one the wiser. But with grounding you have to tell your friends WHY you can't hang out... then they can all think you're a moron by speculating on what you did... or didn't... chores, grades, etc. Me, I'd tell the truth. If he was really all that concerned about being humiliated he wouldn't have opened the box... especially knowing that it could lead to divorce... I mean REALLY what did you think would happen then? Yeah, I imagine he's quite pleased that you just kept your trap shut and let him get by with it. He got to play around, YOU got humiliated, and no shame for him. Pretty obvious who got the short end of the stick on that one. You announce what happened and not only is everyone going to know what a punk he was THEN, but also they'll be wondering how much a punk he is NOW for making you attend. Also will wonder how stupid his sister is for keeping that tramp right next to her groom.

Yeah, not hard at all to see why he and his whole clan would prefer you to just shut up and take it. And like SO many, if you don't just shut up and take it then they'll use guilt and make it Your Fault... not only his cheating, not only her predation, but also for ruining the whole wedding. All your fault. But, same note. If that day, before, or after... EVER R makes a move on the groom (or any other married man you know) then it will also be your fault because you didn't warn everyone about what that snot was up to.

Some people are users, abusers... some keep their heads in the sand... some enjoy scapegoats... when you've identified one it's best for your own mental, physical and marital well being to steer clear.

Of course, I loathe confrontations so that's part of it. But also, I'm VERY blunt. If I was in your shoes and DID attend there is no way I could hide my feelings which would just miff SIL and Co... and I'd be hard pressed not to walk up and call that tramp like I see her in front of everyone and be done with it... once the cat's out of the bag then that part would be over. Everyone could deal. Get over it, OR prepare for attack from the wench, and they'd know precisely why you didn't want to be there... now some would be hoity about it, but I bet you a number of the married women would be behind you, and wouldn't let their hubbies out of sight either.

You need to remember that YOU are NOT the bad guy here. YOU didn't do anything wrong. The rat fink and the tramp are the ones who purposely caused you pain, and in tramp's case not only you but another marriage too... and that's just the ones you know of. There's really no telling how many wives are in the same spot at you... keeping their trap shut... hurting but dealing... you might not be only the second one... talking about it might get them talking too... might help them heal from the wound... AND it might just get this tramp out of your group for good. For those two reasons alone I'd have a hard time keeping mum... and thus for peace's sake it'd be better if I wasn't present.

Of course... if I was really peeved I might just act all nice and then make a toast at the wedding stating all that out of the blue... **part of sentence removed. Please remember to use language suitable for all ages**.. but really would depend on how mad I was, and how much I really cared about the other wives... have to think about whether it's worth it or not.

 

[Knock Kneed Hen]

I would go to the wedding and hold my husbands hand during the ceremony. I would be courteous to everyone, smile until my face broke then be one of the first to leave. I would NOT go to the camping part. How dumb is that??
Time's are a chang'in....and not to the better. When at home thank your husband for being willing to stand by you and show him your appreciation. He had a weak moment but he didn't go beyond the letters. He was a fool and it
sounds as if he's learned his lesson. This will make you stronger as a couple. In the future if the gal is going to be at functions I wouldn't tell anyone why you're not going. It's nobody's business why you don't want to attend a
function. You owe no explanations. A simple, "I have other plans" is sufficient, even if it's just trimming your toe nails....

 

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

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I cant hold my hubbys hand through the ceremony. Because he is part of it, the Best Man. And the "R" person is in the ceremony too, as a bridesmaid. Or the matron of honor. I have no idea which one.

 

[SunnyDawn]

A lot has been said on here judging this marriage but anyone who is married knows it takes a lot of work on both sides to make a marriage work even without problems from outside sources. I feel for you. Men and women can be insecure at times and being flattered excessively by another person can be hard to resist. I disagree with many who seem to think this woman is not a problem period! If they were in your shoes they would certainly feel differently.
If I were you (from 1 Sunny to another), I'd go anyway but you need to have a heart to heart with your Hubby first and tell him how hurt you were by this recent history and ask that, if you are willing to go and support him, he also needs to be willing to support you and that includes being respectful. This means keeping his attention off the trouble maker (I'm trying to be tactful since this is a family forum) and not letting his sister verbally abuse you anymore. If she is so dense that she can't see how horribly painful this is for you, she is more than "not too bright", it sounds like she just doesn't care! It is up to your Hubby to draw the line here (tactfully since it is her wedding).
I applaude your strength in this situation. I'm not sure I would be so tolerant if I were in your shoes. Hang in there and don't let others make you feel like you deserve less. Hold your head high and show that "person" how superior you are by smiling at the other guests and refusing to let her interrupt or affect your life any longer. I'm sorry but she is trash and deserves as much attention as you would give a pile of garbage. Good luck sweetie! You are a very brave soul to be asking this question and considering the situation so carefully!

 

[Knock Kneed Hen]

Okay, then before and after, the point is you go to the wedding in love with your husband. If you stay home or let him go by himself than you've let "R" win.

 

[Knock Kneed Hen]

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Very well put!

 

[agnes_day]

i know one thing, you are making up too many reasons as to why you cant do this or that..take charge and do at least..something! dont just sit there and wring your hands. also, if your husband is mad because he cant go to the wedding and see his little friend, tough! tell him to get over it.