Am I right or wrong? *Another long rant*

[Rusty Hills Farm]

i am the oldest ya know.
and i know the regs on it!

I'm the youngest but I still took Dad's flag. I figure that since I'm the only one who served AND the only one who actually showed up for the funeral, it needs to be with me. It and his copy of his service record/discharge papers are the only things of his that I have. Somehow anything worth any money wound up "elsewhere" even though they never bothered with the funeral. But the way I see it is that I got the only things that meant anything to Dad, so they are welcome to the rest.


Rusty​

 

[redhen]

So the oldest child gets the flag? Good to know.. cause i'm the oldest.
What if you have a sibling that served (coast guard)..would the flag still go to me cause i'm the oldest?

 

[gritsar]

Quote:
Red, this is the only semi-clear answer I could find with a quick search:

The Primary Next of Kin (PNOK) line of succession is as follows:

(a) Spouse.
(b) Sons or daughters in the order of seniority.
(c) Oldest parent unless legal custody granted to another person.
(d) Blood or adoptive relative granted legal custody.
(e) Brothers or sisters in the order of seniority.
(f) Oldest grandparent.
(g) Other relative in accordance with laws of deceased's domicile.

source:
US Army - Lesson 6 - Disposition of the Deceased
https://hosta.atsc.eustis.army.mil/cgi-bin/atdl.dll/accp/md0755/755les6.pdf

 

[gritsar]

I'm going to do a more thorough search later, cuz now I'm curious.

I read in several places just now that the flag is preferably presented to a female family member vs. a male.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
Dang... spouse is first.

 

[wolftracks]

Flag order was correct.

I felt bad that they asked me while handing my husband's to me, who it went to. Bill's son was sitting there and I think he was expecting it.

He hadn't seen or been in touch with his kids since they were babies, but we paid for and sent for his daughter, who didn't even go to the air port TWICE! I asked her if she really wanted to come. She said yes and then never showed. Never answered my messages and I was hurt but not angry at her. Just needed to know what was going on.

The youngest son called a day or 2 after Bill died. He had to find out about his dad through his girlfriend. My husband's brother repairs computers and he just happened to have hers at his shop. When she picked it up he asked if she had heard Bill died. She had to go home and tell Paul. I felt so bad and I'm still so mad. Bill had tried to get in touch with this son and his own brother knew how to do it.

Anyway the youngest son calls and asks when the funeral is. Get's his grandmother to buy him a ticket to get here. I asked where he was staying and he said he'd curl up in a corner if we had one. I didn't want to ask him to stay, because I didn't know if he would like us or want to be here. Man I love this kid. He's his dad's son! I did give him a choice of his dad's cap or sword. Ya know a 23 year old is gonna take a sword. LOL It's really all he has of his dad's. I haven't done anything with Bill's stuff and I hate the idea of getting rid of him. One of my daughters does have one of his coats. She said it reminded her of him since he wore it a lot. Paul decided she should take it.

When they went to hand the flag they looked at him and I had to wave them towards me. Not to be a B***H but spouse first! They had already been told that and I could see he was hurt, but it was mine. He will probably get it later. There are things that go to the youngest daughter, but then if I don't know where she is later on, how do I get them to her?

I want them all to have something of their dad's but I want things with me until I either figure out what goes where or until I'm gone and have things figured out who gets what. Then again there are two older ones, closer to my age and they never called wrote or anything the whole time we were together. I do want my kids to have something too, because they were his. He never thought of them as step children and they loved him. But I want to make it fair. Bill would have given everything to my kids. I can't do that and they wouldn't want me to. Like with the sword. Daughter #2 paid for the casket, the sword the cap and a few other things. Most stayed with Bill, but she asked me if I wanted to see if Paul wanted either the cap or sword. I told her to let him pick and she smiled and said "ya know he's gonna take that sword right?" Yeah we both new and darn it he would have had more if I we had known where he was.

I got 2 picture frames with my some of my neices and nephews pictures in them from my dad's stuff. They were pictures he had with him in the hospital with their names. He had Alzhiemers and had to have their names on them to remember them. I only found my dad almost 10 years ago. I have 4 more siblings on his side. I did get an equal share of money when he died, b ut he wasn't rich. I got it right after Bill died and it's paid the bills till now, but it's all gone. I wish I had known my dad longer. I have habits and weird little quirks taht my sisters and brothers would try to pick on him by telling me about them. I'd look at him and say "ahhhh another one" and they all knew I got those from him. LOL I love them all but don't know them very well, but they are all good people. I'm the oldest, the 2 sisters and 2 brothers. My dad's flag went to the oldest of my brothers, but that was something my dad wanted and everyone agreed with. He didn't even expect it and was so touched.

When my mom died in April???? My little sister did an amazing job. Then my favorite brother started in on her and they haven't talked in months. My brother who has to be the martyr is mad at me because I haven't been in contact and he's not coping with losing my mom. Same one that called me a Fn A*****E when he left me a message about my sister who lives over 100 miles from me needing a ride to the doctor and how I was inconciderate about not keeping in contact after my husband died. DUH! Call me then you jerk! BTW I got nothing from my mom. I lost OUR mom, my dad and my HUSBAND within a 53 day time period and I need to make a call? Never did get along with him, so I don't need to worry about him right now.

Geez I hyjacked your thread when all I wanted to say was I know how you feel and sometimes things don't come to us and sometimes they do.

I'd love to have things from my parents, but I don't. I do have memories. Some not so good, some great.

I didn't get anything from my stepdad. Nothing later when his mom died even though at one time I was the favorite grandchild. Evil aunt in law who spent most of the money that should have gone to my sisters and brothers, cousins and anuts and uncles. They got money, but they don't have the multi million dollar home in Aspen like evil aunt does.

Older people are targets. Death makes people's bad sides show more than usual.

Hey

You've got all of us here. What more do you need?

But I would call your dad a few times while the leaches are trying to suck him dry>

 

[gritsar]

wolftracks

 

[wolftracks]

gritsar

 

[HeatherLynn]

This is a hard thing. You don't want your parent to die so you can have something but you do want something to keep near you for rememberance. I have siblings who are already fighting over our parents stuff. It stopped bothering me. I told them where they could shove the stuff and since I am one of the executors I will get to say it at least once more. I talked to my mom about special stuff and alot of it she gave me before hand. Some of it honestly is junk the others would have tossed. There was a broken wedding band of her grandmothers not gold or anything just a thin broken metal band. A couple pots with holes in them that belonged to her mother, a tin button box that she has had forever. I used to play with it all the time. I always got in trouble for it too. It was little things but I knew the others would claim them if they knew they meant anything to me. Even if they had no value. Even though we all have the same parents they don't consider me a sibling because I was born after all 4 of them were teens.

As far as the pics thing I have a solution for this. Pictures are a huge conflict point. Make copies. My husband scanned hundreds of them in and made a dvd of them. Any of my siblings can have one in just a few min. All he has to do is burn another disk. For some special pictures we put together picture albums with copies of the originals. The originals can now be divided amoung everyone without anyone feeling like they are losing out on memories because we already have a way for everyone to have access to every picture. There are also oil paintings that are a point of conflict. I told my mom i will pass on all the originals ( they are starving artists oils from Austria in the 50's) if she will loan my 2 favorites to me so I can have them copied. No more fighting. Just call when you can. Visit when you can and try not to worry about what they do. The only time you need to worry is if you think they are taking advantage of your dad and are abusing the trust he has given. When that happens though there is legal recourse.

 

[Pickles03]

I think every family has been through this in some form or another. I have lost both my maternal grandparents. (10 years apart) There was a will in place, zero arguements there to my family's credit.
But the stuff in the house...OMG it went on for weeks...every.single.item. Maybe I am less sentimental or less attached to material items but I left the house to them.
The items no one claimed, they had garage sales with for weeks afterwards rather than donate to charity (my suggestion) The thought of strangers picking thru their
items made me feel absolutely ill. I laid claim to my grandmothers ring she wore every day, which was promised to me, and a framed dried flower that hung in her kitchen
that was from her home country. I also took all the photo albums, and just like the earlier post, had all photos scanned to CD's and provided everyone with copies.

BTW - I was the one who slept in a cot by their hospital beds and was holding their hand when they passed.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.


Your dad knows who is consistently there for him. And whatever alterior motives your siblings may or may not have...they are coming together
to visit him and I am sure he is happy for it. Sounds like your Dad welcomed them into his life, regardless where they came from, and I am sure
that at this age, he is pleased to have them come around.

Thats not to say not to keep an eye on things though!