Any other women out there going through a similiar situation?

[TyrannosaurusChix]

Quote:
Exactly what i was going to guess.


We struggle, but i stay at home.. however i do know what it is like to be the one to "support" the family situation, whatever it may be ( even if not financially.. sometimes i just feel like the live in babysitter, handyman, gopher, secretary, maid, financial officer, laundry service, gardener.. and all around situation- handler)


some days i wish the only thing i had to do is go to a job. sounds like a vacation on either side til reality sets in.


I feel for you!!!! BUT there is an end in sight!!! March is around the corner *uses best cheerful tone*

 

[welsummerchicks]

I don't think it is 'stupid' to feel resentful, or to complain. When a person has to make a lot of sacrifices, give up some good things they usually enjoy, for a distant reward, they are bound to resent it and to complain. WHY? Because it's different and it's hard work.

I also don't think you need to tell your husband. I'm betting he knows. I think the best person to vent to is a trusted friend.

Hopefully, in the future you will 'get paid'. You and he will share the rewards of his education, and you'll be more financially secure. You might be able to quit working sooner, or reduce your hours a bit. You might get that deluxe vacation you always wanted...or just not have to be afraid every two weeks that there is a pink slip in with his paycheck.

I don't think that in families, in marriages, everything is always totally fair or equal. The hope is that with a good marriage, not that things are always even steven, but that there is a reward for the sacrifices in the future.

 

[nuts4chickens]

Now go tell hubby how much you appreciate him...

Yes, I know, right? What would I do without him? He really is truly awesome. He is so patient, and kind. And here lately, I have been so overwhelmed, I barely even want to hug him. I cant imagine what it feels like for him, either. I really love him, and I am so proud of him. And just feeling like this sometimes really makes me feel crappy, ya know? But this bump in the road is soooo minor. We have been through so much worse....(losing a brother, and a father) this should be cupcakes. Anyways... if anything else, its just nice to hear others out there are going through it, although unfortunate. Sometimes its great therapy to hear other stories, and how people feel, so I know Im not crazy... or likewise, that I AM crazy

 

[debilorrah]

Nuts, on paper you guys seems to have really good relationship. Take advantage of that and praise him for his help and committment to schooling and let him know you need a pedicure.

 

[HeatherLynn]

The best way to avoid resentment is to talk. I have had to do this with my husband in the beginning while he was in school. It was very hard especially with a tiny baby at home. I told him how I was struggling. I started the conversation out as I know this is not really your fault. Its the situation we were handed. I am glad I could support us while you achieved this but with the end so near it feels so hard. I miss the baby and I am so exhausted. I know we need to stay the course and see this through but I need to say this. I don't want to hold in how much of a struggle it is and then feel resentment later. He did ask if he needed to get a job and let me have a break and I told him that would waste everything we struggled for. I just asked him to let me vent to him now and then so I didn't have to carry it around with me.

You have no idea how much easier a load it was just being able to talk with him about it. I would lay exhausted with a baby on my chest and he would tell me how things would be once he graduated and things were back to normal. He even found time to give me a bit of extra taking care of to help with the exhaustion. Don't let the resentment take over. With such a long marriage I am sure you all can talk about anything. This should not be the exception. Sometimes just airing how you feel does the trick. I am sure he is your best friend so confide in him. You can't change the situation right now and you guys are doing the right thing to make a better life. Keep talking to him and let him give you the emotional support you need to get through this phase.

 

[Beekissed]

just wondered if any other women are supporting their families right now due to the economy, and how are you coping? Do you think we made the right decision?

Some of us didn't really have a choice and we have done it without a helpful husband at home to pick up the slack. Coping comes in waves and you cope because you just have to! There is no alternative for single moms and there is no end in sight like you have now......

So...I would say, enjoy your good man who realizes that children are his responsibility too and spend some quality time on your days off with your kids and your man. There is light at the end of your tunnel and for this you should be grateful. For your good man you should be grateful. For you good paying job, you should be grateful....some of us have to do it on really crappy pay.

Having said how grateful you should be, I will also say that the feelings you are now having are normal and inevitable when a mom has to be away from her children. Most men don't have those maternal feelings to nurture their young and nesting of the home...so you probably don't feel like men feel. Men are hunter/gatherers, women are just built different.

Get that man to give you a good foot and back rub, snuggle with your kids on the couch and thank the Lord you only have to do this a short while and you are not alone in your struggles!​

 

[nuts4chickens]

Heather- you are absolutely right. And for sure, he could probably get a job tomorrow, making mininum wage, and for what? We would be no further ahead than we were a year ago. I guess anything worthwhile is just really hard. But we HAVE to make this sacrifice now so we will have a better future. Thanks for reminding me. I needed that

 

[nuts4chickens]

BeeKissed- Ahhhhh. I REALLY needed to hear that too. You are soooo right. Thank you so much. I'm feeling a whole lot better. I really needed that. Very, very true. Thank you for your honesty.

 

[Beekissed]

No prob!

Give that good man a kiss for all of us single mothers who would have given our right arm to have one just like him!

You will look back on this time as something you did to save your family and to help your man...and you will be proud!

 

[PineappleMama]

Quote:
That was my first thought too. Of course in my situation I'm not in school, but DH is, in addition to working... he NEVER has time for ANYTHING. He's a smart fellow... school isn't as hard for him as for some... but still, the degree he chose involves a LOT of writing... like 12 page well researched papers... weekly... so between work and those (and getting sleep) he rarely has any time with the kids... when he isn't just flipping out because he's trying to study and they're crawling up his... ahem... or just making a racket so he can't think, much less type.

I can't imagine how much harder that would be if you're with the kids 24/7, always on demand, always noisy, and school doesn't come easy... that has GOT to be hard.

But, likewise... if MIL keeps the kids for two nights instead of just one I get edgy... and they're less than a mile away... the house is too quiet... I miss my hugs... and even the "MMMMOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!" that rings out a dozen times a day...

Well, with hubby when he does FINALLY manage to finish all the papers due... has showered off the concrete dust... eaten dinner... and still hasn't passed out cold... then he plays games with the kiddos... watches a movie... depends on how much time he's got. If it's only 15 minutes, let's log in and do a quick quest on WoW, Freelancer, etc. If he's got a couple hours, let's watch a movie Your Choice! Or let's go for a walk around the block. Little (stolen?) moments when he can.

Maybe try and think of some little things you could do...? OR maybe a project (puzzle, book, chess game?) that can be started, and continued from day to day/week to week when you and kids get some time?

And, make a calendar that shows the Days Left. If you, and kiddos and hubby, can visualize the end it might help make it a little easier to avoid feeling like it never will end?

*shrug* DH will have his Bach in Dec... then can enroll in Grad school (min. Masters needed for the position he wants) in the Fall of 2011... then minimum two years for THAT... before finally he can APPLY for the positions he wants and MAYBE we'll know where the heck we're gonna live... I feel your pain... I REALLY do... I hate not being settled.