Are there any care givers out there like Me?????????

[oesdog]

sunflowerenvy - You sound so overloaded even more than me!!!!!!!! I know you find it hard to talk these things out but really it is good to tell others where it is at for you.
Perhaps like in my situation no one can really step in there and take it all away or even a little bit away for you. Sadly there are few fairy Godmothers with the skills to help care givers!!!!!!! Sometimes just telling someone were things are at for you is helpful.

Tonight I showered Our boy again. - I think to myself of all the young men I see around his age. Handsome and strong playing Rugby or football. Some of them are dating or married with a young family. Our boy will never do those things and that is sad. I take heart in that he has never been able to do those things. There are folk far worse off than us. - I think if I had a lovely healthy young man who went away to Afganistan and came home injured so much that he was like my boy is now well that would be soooo much worse. Our lad lives in his own world and he is happy and content in that "smaller" world. Tonight I put him to bed there isn;t a problem with that right now because he cuddles down and we do the tigger song - every night I sing the wonderful thing about Tiggers! And he cuddles his Tigger charactor toy and smiles at me. It is 11pm here and I know I will need to go to bed shortly because he will be up again at just gone 2am. We are lucky to get three hours sleep! But then I think of him singing and his smile and all is forgiven yet again! As always it is.

Oesdog

 

[redhen]

 

[oesdog]

Thanks for sending the hug.

 

[oesdog]

Well today has been a hard and long one.

I am feeling quite ill as I think I am just struggling too hard with exhaustion - I don;t seem to have any energy for anything. So I left everything - !!!!!!! I did get our boy sorted for the trip he went on today, the adult centre took him out which was great. I had to get him a pack lunch all sorted out and that was good. Just did a shop so had loads of nice things to send him out with. I kind of hoped he would be away longer than he was though. It seems some times he is back before I think about it. Even when I sit and try to rest the eyes are burning out of me. DH at least had a better day today. He is having to do some medical tests so we have to do some stuff at home which is a bit funny. ( Wont embarrass him by telling anyone!)he spent today sorting his computer though did have to rest a while this morning. My daughter has a home inspection Thursday - here they do that if your having a baby. So they have been scrubbing and cleaning ready for that and the baby room is all but done. They didn;t want any baby stuff in there incase something happened so I have most of it here. I am comming down with it -!!!!!!!! They did put the Mosses basket up though which will be nice to show off in the room. The room is painted out pale lemon and it now has a little white bedroom suite of furniture in and about 20 kiddy books? Yeah I know it wont read them for ages but at least it was nice of someone to give them. Well I guess I better go sort the dinner as i can smell it burning - Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

Better away for now.

Oesdog -

wish I could have a day off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[WingingIt]

I have three young children to take care of plus a military DH who's often gone plus his grandmother lives with us. She's in her mid 80s and has several medical issues from normal stuff like hearing loss (but won't consider aids) to heart stuff to clotting issues so she's on blood thinners, dizzy spells, high blood pressure and cholesterol, diabetic and some other smaller issues. Everything in her care from appointments to medication to baths, laundry, all cooking, etc., falls to me and DH is often not here to even just listen to me vent. That's nothing compared to what you are dealing with, though. I wish I was closer, my youngest child would have an absolute BLAST hanging out with your son.

 

[schellie69]

I also have a daughter who is 22 and special needs, I am lucky because the state pays for a personal asst which helps so much. I am also helping with an elderly family friend that refuses to go into the hospice and I have fibormyalgia and spinal arthritis and arthritics in both hips I feel pain and exhausted every day. I love that I have my chickens and garden I use them for therpy. I am also so thankful for a great pain specialist that does help with the right medications which gives me a chance to live a normal life. I am also helping raise my 2 grand daughters. If I was there I would get our kids together and we could have tea or coffee. Enjoy your new grand baby.

 

[jbowyer01]

Quote:
You dont know how true this statement is! Sometimes I think I'm snorting alot of water lol. I hate to hear that you stopped going to church, Church is where everyone should be welcome no matter what. Does your minister/reverand ever come to visit with you? Maybe you could request that.

I also wanted to add its wonderful to talk to someone who understands when your life is always your home (no going out, no ladies day out type of things). I do wish you were closer it would be wonderful to create a support system wouldnt it.

 

[ScaredOfShadows]

Osedog - I commend you and your hard efforts for caring your family!!!! The world needs people who are willing to do for their loved ones as you are. I know its hard - but I know you do it because 1.) you love them dearly, and 2.) If you didn't who would? And could you let someone else.

I lost my brother who had cebral palsy, brittle bone disease (theres a big name for it - don't feel like looking it up - lol ), and other mental/physical handicaps. He was wheelchair bound from 2 yrs old when pretty much all his joints ceased up, he couldn't talk but he had his own way of communicting, he was fed by tube/machine, and he obviously was in diapers all hsi life. He was 21 when he passed away over 20 yrs older than the doctors told my mom he would live. They tried to get her while she was pregnant to have an abortion, and after he was born to put him in a care facility so 'she didn't have to deal with his issues' - essentially they suggest she give him away to live out the few months they expected him to live.

I loved my brother, I am 5 yrs younger than he would have been today - I am 22, he would be 27 if he was still alive. From the time I can remember I helped my mom care for him until she couldn't do it by herself anymore (my parents divorced when I was young - and my mom had primary custody) and he went and stayed at an amazing care facility that was 2 hrs away but we visited as often as we could 2 weekends a month or took him home for a week or two when my eldest sister could help watch him (theres 14 yrs between me the 'baby' and my eldest sister)

I have no love or pity or sympathy for someone who shoves their parents, grandparents, or their children into a home or care facility just because its convenient and then barely if ever visits and cares for them. Its one thing that you can't afford a home nurse, you have too much to deal with with your own disabilities etc to not be able to do it, not that you aren't willing but even then you could visit and take out your family and keep them a part of the family. America is teeming with adult care facilities and nursing homes and it kills me.

those like you Osedog - are one in a million, and you have all the love and support I have to give to you and your family.

Your daughter and SIL need to buck up and step up and do their part and don't be afraid. I am 22 with a 5 year old. I take my responsibilites seriously and I am lucky to have my parents' support emotionally and financially to help me be a single mother. My daughter's father is 26 and is a putz who still doesn't know what it means to be mature and a dad. Right now he's 15 minutes late to pick her up - I'm writing this waiting for him.

IN short - Good luck, much love,

and know that you have us on BYC who can relate to you and your life issues. Take care and be strong, and make sure you don't burn yourself out while caring for everyone else. Your Daughter and SIL are adults - they need to step in and take care of themselves and help you out as well....

 

[oesdog]

Quote:
Thank you so much for your post - it was lovely to be able to listen to your vent!!!!!!!!!! Yes we all need to do that more often. You have a lot to handle and a lot to cope with alone. It is sooooo hard to care for adults. I hope that you are able to get bath aids and things that will make life easier for you. It is sad for you that DH isn;t able to be around as often as he might like to be. I can undertstand the hearing aid thing. Some folk don;t like them as they are uncomfortable, others because it is an outward sign of aging! Still others because they just love to have selective hearing!

Yes I wish we were all closer! In a way we can be through the BYC network - we can talk and vent and just put down how we feel. I know we are far away - but you know what I found out in this world - you can be sitting next to someone and they are a million miles away! But you can talk to someone miles away and they are truely in your heart!!!!!! Distance is what is on the inside not the outside! - much love to you. You are in my thoughts. -

 

[oesdog]

Quote:
Thanks for the Post -

It is sooooooooo hard when you have your own wee chick that doesn;t fly the nest! My son will never be able to be independant and will always be needing 24/7 care and is in nappies like a baby. - I do feel for you with a girl ( often think how lucky we have a boy and we don;t have menstration etc to cope with - heart goes out to you!) It is often hard with elderly folk - they don;t want to go into care - it is very much like an end of life thing for them and if they are not ready for that then not much point trying to make them. In many ways that can be worse.

You are wise to use the chickens for your own theropy. They are great and give the big excuse to go outside! - "time out" at the coop and take a breather! Bit of fresh air round you and 10 mins just watching them or giving them a stroke can certainly help. I am glad you have a good pain specialist - over here it is hard to get Fibro taken seriously and yet it can be excrusiatingly painful!

We can care for us care givers through BYC! - There is always someone at the end of this BYC threat to vent at. We can be near in other ways! But what a lovely idea of having coffee! - I will keep that in my mind and think of you and the kids when I grab my next one here! ( Lately my favourite sound in the world is that first few seconds when you put your spoon in a mug of fresh made coffee and give it a stir and it pings off the side of the mug? - crazy yeap!)

Oesdog -