Arranged marriage, I might get one!!!!!!! NOOOO!

[RepoBob]

The part of this that I just don't understand. Your parents left the old country, because they thought they could have a better life here in America. Right? So if that is true then it follows that they would have had a worse life in the "Old Country". Now speaking only in terms of quality of life that would mean the US is better than the old country. America has provided us a country that has a better quality of life than the old country. We can provide this better life because we do things a certain way. We don't, as a society, believe that arranged marriages are the best for our society. We tried it, it was common back in the eary 1800. It did not work here. One of our bed rock beliefs is that people are free to chose their own path though life. Now if your family wants to enjoy our way of life that wonderful, we welcome you with open arms. The only thing I ask the new immigrants is that they understand one thing "Our house Our Rules". Leave your style of life back in the old country. I'm not saying forget your heritage, but we don't appreciate the fact that you come into our house then tell us how you are going to act. Accept our ways and at least give us the respect we as a society deserve. If one wants to have arranged marrages thats OK go were that is an accepted practice. If you want to enjoy the quality of life we have here become part of us.

If this sounds harsh, I don't know what to say. My Grandmother who immigrated from Poland is the person who first explained this way of thinking to me. I still have a warm place in my heart for Poland. I have a small Polish Flag on my dresser, I love Polish food, and I visit the part of Chicago that is called little Poland as often as possible, was very happy when Poland left the USSR. However, I have shed blood in the defense of this country, wouldn't do that for Poland.

In a nut shell, if you want to be an American in every sence of that word...WELCOME. If you want to be something else your free to do that, and I would die for your right to that freedom, I only ask that you do it somewhere else. Here you are free to build the best life you possibly can, but you are not free to force someone to do something that they do not want to do.

 

[patandchickens]

OK, RepoBob, you have made it real clear who's not welcome in your house

However, please remember that America (and yes, I am American, despite my current mailing address) is composed of many many 'houses', and HAS BEEN RIGHT FROM THE VERY BEGINNING.

A number of those other parts of the American population (and by other I mean 'those who are not necessarily RepoBob' <g>) DO INDEED have traditions of arranged marriages to one degree or another. I am not talking about funny-talking immigrant devils, I am talking about many of our pioneer and farming forefathers. It is certainly not a strange unAmerican concept.

(Well, for that matter, there is a significant American tradition of *forced* marriages as well - the phrase 'shotgun wedding' was not coined for no reason!. I'm not defending forced marriages, I'm just pointing it out).

Anyhow, as others have said, arranged (as opposed to forced) marriages are not necessarily more likely to lead to unhappiness than marriages where the two people found each other on their own.

The important part, of course, is that you wind up married to someone who likes or at least tolerates chickens, and is willing to go fix the auto waterer system at 10 p.m. on a Monday night

Pat, who is not real impressed when a single individual claims the right to decide what American standards or values are.

 

[MissPrissy]

Think about all of the mail order brides who went west. Our country is speckled all over with one type of an arranged marriage or another. It is not a new idea to our shores. I think calling it an 'arranged' marriage seems to make some folks think it is harsh, cruel and evil.

As Americans the way we think and do things isn't always the right way and another's way isn't always wrong.

There are far worse marriages based on 'love' than most arranged marriages will ever know.

 

[PurpleChicken]

Quote:
I agree with your thinking. Most of us are descendants of immigrants who came here
and BECAME American. This took many generations and most people still hold
onto their root culture to some degree.

Let's just be careful here and keep this thread on topic. Haimish sounds like a sweet
girl to me with some big decisions to make. It is her generation that will Americanize,
not her parents.

Objectively I'm with Miss Prissy on arranged marriages. Every relationship is "arranged"
to some extent or another.

 

[lacyloo]

I personally dont think this is a good topic "on a chicken forum"

 

[flakey chick]

Consider your parents' attempt at fixing you up simply as "help" in finding a good match. I'm sure the help they can provide you is better than all the e-dating/ speed dating that so many people turn to.

Also I recomend you watch "Crossing Delancy". It's about a young unmarried jewish woman. Her bubby used a match maker to set her up. The reality of the situation turned out to be different than she thought. It is an entertaining movie and I think it will make you feel better.

 

[Cara]

So it's just me thinking we have another Crocodile Girl?

 

[lacyloo]

probably, never know when a trolls gonna peek his head in here.

 

[luvzmybabz]

I agree with Repo and PC. I think that everyone should read original post again She is not happy about the arrangede marriage and was afraid her parents would FORCE her into it but whatever means they choose. I am very glad that her and her parents talked and came to a compromise. Alot of arranged marriages are between people who have known each other most or all of their lives. She from what I have read had never meet him and was not happy about what she found out about him. This being said: Every American no matter how many generations from immigration or native american should have the chance to choose ( i.e, religion, marriage, political party, college etc.) it is called freedom, many of these are being taken away but that is another story.

Kasi

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

Upon doing some research in a class of mine, it seems that arranged marriage is not all that bad. Believe it or not, your parents KNOW you and have the best intentions in mind. Arranged marriage has one of the lowest divorce rates, if any at all. This means something about it works! I had a friend who was hindu and was eventually going to have an arranged marriage. She did feel out of place since everybodys' beliefs were so different from hers. However, she was not afraid of arranged marriage. I guess in some ways it could be a comfort. You won't have to worry about boyfriends and breakups, you KNOW that someone is willing to spend their life with you and chances are the marriage will actually work.

HOWEVER, I suggest you definitely go to college and get a degree in something. It doesn't even really matter what.

Good luck in your decision, but don't dismiss everything so quickly! In the end, you will be fine.