Best friend in hard times- please read

[MinxFox]

Hi everyone, my best friend is not doing so well. Um well first of all, what I hate about high school is the drug issue. I hate hearing stupid boys talk about drugs. Anyways I never would have imagined my best friend would do drugs...I mean seriously I don't hang out with those bad kids all my friends are good Christian people and we are unique and don't have to be like everyone else so it might have started about the time he took me to prom. He started getting really busy and no longer went to the same school as me. He was working a lot and modeling a lot and I barely got to see him except at Church. His parents are hard on him so he feels like he has to rebel which makes things worse with him and his parents. I think both him and his parents could change. His parents need to be less strict on him with all the weird rules (they took his bathroom door off one time and just so many other ridiculous things) but also my friend needs to be less mean to his parents. He acts so weird around them he is so nice then when he is around them he acts different and says stuff that gets him in trouble so he has a big mouth I guess. Well he doesn't come to Church anymore, and he was a great Christian very wise but now when he comes it is only because he was forced to come and he messes with his phone all during Church. When he first started doing drugs I could tell because I smelled it on him. I haven't or do not intend to do drugs but I know what it smells like because we busted some kids at a fish fry doing pot and told on them, in fact my friend was the one who was with me and said we should tell their parents and now he is the bad one doing pot in secret.

Anyways so I told him he smelled funny and he just played it off and said it was a new cologne. I didn't want to say he smelled like drugs cause this was at Church and all our friends were there with us and they noticed he smelled funny but they didn't recognize the smell. Later he texted me and told me it was drugs. I told him he didn't need to do that and he was a great person and he shouldn't get into that stuff. All was good until finally he didn't text me anymore so I had no idea about what was going on. I found out his mom had his phone. I tried to find out what was going on in his life so I asked his friend. His friend said ever since camp he noticed he was different so he stopped hanging out with him. Then one day I overheard a girl in class saying she saw him and said hi and he just looked at her and didn't say anything which is unlike him because he normally runs up and hugs people and says hi and smiles. She said it was weird that he didn't say hi. So I asked a random guy and he told me my friend was bad into pot. I felt horrible. Also my friend keeps trying to run away from home. My mom thinks that maybe he doesn't come to Church or talk to me anymore is because he is ashamed of himself and he doesn't want me to know or to be mad at him or something. My mom said we need to find some way to help him. We need to do an intervention. My mom said maybe I could tell the youthgroup about it and we could all go to his house and help him. Is that a good idea? Wouldn't it be uncomfortable to have the whole youthgroup knowing that or would that help and show we all care? I don't really know someone please help I have been visiting the above the influence website to find facts and things to say to him if I talk to him. My mom definitely doesn't want me to help him in person alone, but on the phone is okay which I agree with. What do you say I mean I have NEVER had a better friend and to see them throw away their life like this...I don't know. I just hope he isn't past the point of helping. I don't know what to do I want to help but I don't know if what I say could help. His mom said that he is himself around me like he feels he can be himself and not pretend and that is why she likes me cause I am a good influence. Last year he made a painting for me and around the edges of it he said thanks for being there for me and keeping me out of trouble. I have kept him from doing some stupid things, I just wish I could have been there to stop him from ever trying drugs. I do feel like I need to be here for him since some of his other friends are giving up on him.

Does anyone have first had experience with this? Have you given someone and intervention? Should I get the youthgroup involved?

 

[sfw2]

I don't know what to tell you about getting the youth group involved, but I did want to say that you're a great friend, especially not to write this young man off. I hope he gets past this.

 

[Dar]

I commend you for wanting to help ... BUT.. you need to back off and let him deal with this... it is NOT your place to tell anyone about HIS business.. his drug use is HIS business.

as a friend... pull him off to the side and tell him you are worried about him... and if he ever wanted to chat that you are there for him and thats ALL!... anymore you risk him distancing him from you and altering your friendship forever.

I am MUCH older then you... but I was in this same spot years ago and the substance of choice was not pot.. everyone tried to do an intervention and make him quit.. guess what he pushed them all out of his life and fell off the map... 6 months after the "intervention" he had a "bad trip" and because everyone was telling him how to run his life he felt he had no place to turn... I was the one who said look bud I am concerned but its your life... he came to me that night and we stayed up all right sitting in the park till his trip ended... he is still today messed up on drugs but when he felted he needed someone he knew i was there... there had been many times where he felt he was at rock bottom and he came to me for help because i did not judge him in the past.. he knows there are rules to follow.. he knows he cant bring drugs to my house or near my kids... I am not an enabler... but I know it takes more then a bunch of pushy people to really make someone want to change their ways.

 

[MinxFox]

Yes, I wasn't planning on annoying him about it, but just let him now I am concerned and that I am here for him. That is why I wasn't sure if bringing in the whole youthgroup was such a good idea. Thanks so much for the advise, thinking about times were I mess up like for example playing a sport with friends I don't like it when someone comes at me and yells and says I am doing it all wrong and I need to be doing it this way I like people who tell me to try harder but don't make me feel bad or lame. He probably needs someone to not yell and tell him he is bad but to show more concern than madness or something. The problem is even getting in touch with him. No phone, doesn't go anywhere were I go now, ect. I would go to his house and hang out but I don't want to invade his home. He has brothers maybe I should just go hang out with them and make sure they are okay too. I don't know. My mom keeps inviting his mom to go do something with her like go shopping or something to get her mind off of things, but she never can get away. I feel really bad for his mom, she is so nice. My mom and I were talking and said that he is the only one who can stop himself from doing drugs. I have a half sister that is into drugs but she hasn't hit rock bottom yet. She has stolen things from my grandma like medicine. I hate drugs.

 

[darkmatter]

Illegal recreational pharmaceutical use----------Zero tolerance-----------. A druggie can never be trusted to ever tell the truth or have any ethics apart from selfishness. And a family member with a problem will be the one to steal or otherwise take advantage of you because you’re available to them.
Ignore my advice at your peril.

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

The best you can really do is be there for him. When people are addicted to something, nothing you or anyone else says will make them change. They have to want it for themselves.

My suggestion would be to pull him aside, let him know you are concerned for him and his health, and let him know he can talk to you if he ever feels the need to. I've had the best luck in many situations doing this.

ETA: You sound like a very nice friend for caring so much about him!

 

[MinxFox]

Thanks, I hope he will want to change. If you say something to guys at school that do drugs they don't really care what you think they just laugh at you when you show concern. It is pretty sad.

I just hope that I can say something to him that will make him think about trying to stop.

 

[chickened]

You may have already done this but pray for him and have your youth pastor pray for him. I would be there for him but don't bang his ears he knows they are bad for him. Just ask him if everything is OK and that he can call you any time. Sorry for you.

 

[MinxFox]

Yes we are keeping his family in our prayers, but that is a good idea to get the youth pastor to pray for him also. He always talked to the youth pastor about his problems so our pastor probably already has an idea of what is going on, that might be the reason why we had a lesson on not doing drugs recently.

 

[Mattemma]

Good of you to want to be supportive.Addiction can be so difficult and often requires professional help.In the end though it is the drug user that must make the choices,because there will always be drugs out there tempting them. My one relative has/is going through this. And I know it is preaching,but it really does ruin a persons life.Very few can do drugs of any type and not have it affect their path in life.

Watching a few episodes of drug intervention shows would be an eye opener.It is just in your face seeing the record of someones life so hopeful as a child,and then starting to crash once drugs enter their lives.

I recall one story of 3 siblings(2 boys and a girl) addicted to heroin.As kids they tried it,got addicted,and did it into adulthood.Life revolved around getting more heroin.One of the boys and the girl ODed in their 20's.Last sibling still addicted and will eventually die of it.So sad when you saw their early years before they started using.One can not help but wonder what their lives would have been like if they never did any drug.Sad for the parents too.

Best wishes for your friend to save himself before it is to late.Ofcourse it is never *too late* unless you die,but it IS sad when you are 40+ going clean and look back on the wasted years.Know people doing that.Glad they are alive and clean,but sad for their missed opportunities.