Best joke EVER

[WhiteMountainsRanch]

I saw this one the other day at school...

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell. They argue all afternoon whether it is a son of a birch or a son of a beech. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says:

"Hey Woody, you're a tree expert. Can you end this argument and tell us if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

 

[melovefrench]

*insert hilarious joke here*

 

[Kat'sChicks]

Sorry guys, I couldn't resist posting this one a friend just sent me........

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a

remote mountainous pasture in California

when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

A young man wearing RayBan

sunglasses and YSL

tie leaned out the window and asked the

cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in

your herd, will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at

his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell

notebook

computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3

cell phone, and surfs to a

NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an

exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite

that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution

photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe

Photoshop

and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot

that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an

MS-SQL

database through an ODBC connected Excel

spreadsheet with email on

his Blackberry

and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on

his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet

printer, turns to the cowboy and

says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and

calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my

calves," says Bud.

He looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his

car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell

you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my

calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then

says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Lawyer and a Congressman for the U.S.

Government", says

Bud.

"Wow!That's correct," says the yuppie,

"but how did you guess

that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy.

"You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get

paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used

millions of dollars' worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter

than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a

living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.


Now give me back my dog.

 

[Pinky]

Quote:

My ag teacher told the exact same joke

 

[erner]

Quote:

My ag teacher told the exact same joke

Awesomeness

 

[Cowgirl71]

Kat'sChicks :

Sorry guys, I couldn't resist posting this one a friend just sent me........

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a

remote mountainous pasture in California

when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

A young man wearing RayBan

sunglasses and YSL

tie leaned out the window and asked the

cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in

your herd, will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at

his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell

notebook

computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3

cell phone, and surfs to a

NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an

exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite

that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution

photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe

Photoshop

and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot

that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an

MS-SQL

database through an ODBC connected Excel

spreadsheet with email on

his Blackberry

and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on

his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet

printer, turns to the cowboy and

says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and

calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my

calves," says Bud.

He looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his

car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell

you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my

calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then

says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Lawyer and a Congressman for the U.S.

Government", says

Bud.

"Wow!That's correct," says the yuppie,

"but how did you guess

that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy.

"You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get

paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used

millions of dollars' worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter

than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a

living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.


Now give me back my dog.

Love it!!!

 

[Louieandthecrew]

Quote:

Love it!!!

 

[Cowgirl71]

Here's another one my Dad heard from his buddy...

Two college graduates on their way to LA stop for lunch along the side of the road. When they're finished, they notice a really deep hole about fifty feet from the road, and a tire sitting next to it. They couldn't see the bottom, and wanted to know how deep the hole was. Being very smart, they decided to drop the tire into the hole, use their wrist watches to time how long before it hit the bottom, and then do the math and estimate how deep the hole was. So they drop the tire into the hole, a couple seconds go by, and then all of a sudden out of nowhere, this goat comes running at top speed and runs right into the hole. The two college grads shake their heads in confusion, but then start doing the math, and determine the hole is about 200 feet deep. They started walking back to their car discussing the mysterious suicidal act of the goat. As they got to the car, a farmer drove up. He stops, and glances behind them towards the hole. Then he asks "Have either of you seen a goat? I keep him right there, tied up to a tire..."

 

[featherbaby]

Quote:
I really DID burst out laughing when I read this one.....didn't see it coming. Neither did the goat.

Hilarious!

 

[magistradomina]

OMGOODNESS! These are hillarious!!!!!!!!! I almost choked myself to death!