Birthday bad luck

[Kaitie09]

It may be just that fact that I'm up at 12am and thinking about stuff, or the fact that my cat just possibly had seizure, but I always hate the time around my birthday.

Since I was 10 yrs old, someone (or something) close to me dies within 1 week of my birthday. It started with my grandmother, and has included my 2 grandfathers, 2 dogs, a guinea pig, 3 of my favorite chickens (2, one day apart),a parakeet, a cat, and my great aunt. I'm turning 21 next week and am just dreading who it is going to be. I thought it would be my 13yr old cat, but now my younger cat may have had a seizure, so I have no clue. I have celebrated 3 birthdays attending funerals, and hate it.

I am naturally overly anxious about everyday life, but this time of year makes me worse. Every phone call I think is to tell me someone has died. Ever siren I hear, I think about who it could be. I know I'm a nut and should just stop thinking about it, but I can't. My birthday bad luck has never failed me for 10 years, now I'm just waiting.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Poor thing! I am hoping for the best for you and your cat (read your other thread).

It's easy to trick our minds into traps of self-blame. We really don't have *that* much control though. You say you are naturally anxious, and anxiety disorders and personalities can really influence thought patterns in the way you described. For me, I have extreme 'social anxiety', which includes extreme worry and extreme self-blame. Therapy (once I found the right fit) started helping, and I've also tried medication which really helped. Lots of routes to go, and I'm glad I tried one. My life is honestly completely different compared to 5, 8, 10, 20 years ago, and I am so thankful for it!

It's Christmas for me. Hamster had a stroke, gerbil had a brain aneurysm, favorite rat had to be put down at an Emergency vet (only place open), relative died, husband's lovely grandmother died, went through a long ordeal with one of our dogs who had to be euthanized, and so on. Thing is, the same sorts of things happen during other times too, I just didn't have the day pre-marked on the calendar. I also lose a lot of pets...because I've owned a lot of pets. Most of them died of old age nowhere near Christmas. Actually, almost lost one of our rabbits last night and spent the whole night syringe feeding her.

Last Christmas was the first one I truly enjoyed in a long time...and I have my therapist, life lessons, my logical/supportive husband, and a desire to change the way I think to thank for that. I strongly suggest looking into your anxiety.

 

[Fierlin1182]

A lot of things used to hold negative connotations for me also, and it was pretty hard to let go of those preconceptions. Some things are just darned unlucky sometimes! I'm sorry you lost so many of those close to you.

But there was always the time or two when I would be pleasantly surprised. Even though I was dreading whatever it was to begin with, something good would occur, very unlike what typically happened.

I hope you have a happy birthday this year, and that your cats will be okay.