BYC Café

[CLSranch]

I've been going through another rough patch so I'm not in the mood.

I'll just keep puttering around with the trim work in the house and be content with that.

Just keep focus there and it will hopefully keep focus off of all the bad.

 

[LaFleche]

I saved that woman at least $60,000 with everything I've done for her since Dad died. But I'm not good enough.

That is because you were too available, so no appreciation needed in her book.

 

[LaFleche]

Friends are the family we make for ourselves.

This.

The best you can do is to surround yourself with people that appreciate and love who you are, support you and wish you well in every sense.

Quite often this does not apply to family members. Although it sometimes takes decades of holding on to these unhealthy relationships, before we finally are able to realize how detrimental it is repeating the hurtful experiences over and over again, and choose to cut them off for good.

 

[Sally PB]

^^This. Saw it a lot in my own family.

DL Hugs. An ear. A shoulder. We are here for you.

 

[sourland]

Good morning, Cafe', coffee is ready. I surely need it.

 

[DobieLover]

You need to have someplace and someone who you can vent to and get some relief.

Well... there's here! I've held it back for 3 days. It was just too raw when I found out.
And I have many friends at work that are my support system. They've all been very helpful.

too available

But I wasn't! I had DH to care for and my own house to finish. I made huge sacrifices to help take of her and do what was needed to get her to a safe place. My house came to a screeching halt and I've plain and simply lost the time with DH. I'll never get it back. I can never make it up. She knows this too but doesn't care.

She is one of the most selfish people I know.
CS is one of the most controlling and toxic people I've met. I don't know much more about her than that so I can't fathom why anyone would want to be around her. I've completely rejected all her attempts to get me to spend any time with her. So she's now telling my mother, my sister and her family and my nephew and his girlfriend that I am "evil, mean and try to control every ones lives".
Anyone who doesn't have anything to do with her is evil.
I'm mean because I won't return her texts and drive away when she persists in trying to argue how I should "hang with her and talk" and I tell her I don't want to.
The controlling every ones lives is a difficult one. If I have ZERO to do with you, how am I controlling your life? I do believe that means I'm controlling MINE. And if that makes me mean, I'm a viper.

Other than getting my tools and supplies out I want Dad out too. She's been carting him around and putting his cremains in her closets since she got them back from the funeral home. He should be interred or scattered. He had no place in particular that was special to him. I found a natural cemetery near Ithaca called Green Springs. I want to inter him there.

 

[DobieLover]

Morning Cafe. Thanks for the coffee, Sour. I surely need it.
I was able to catch up on some lost sleep last night but the chickens nibble at the edges of my consciousness. "Get up! We want out! We're hungry!"
It's cold here this morning at 21F. The icing on that cake is the mud is frozen so I will take the dogs to run before it thaws.
Have a great day everyone.

 

[LaFleche]

But I wasn't! I had DH to care for and my own house to finish. I made huge sacrifices to help take of her and do what was needed to get her to a safe place. My house came to a screeching halt and I've plain and simply lost the time with DH. I'll never get it back. I can never make it up. She knows this too but doesn't care.

That is the problem with this kind of people, they just don't care about the problems and sacrifices others would have to endure to please them. For them it is understood that is is a privilege they feel they grant you.

No matter how much you try to reason with them, they just don't get it, maybe they are unable to in the first place.

So, as much as we might try, we do not have any control over other people's behaviour, the only thing we can do is to change our own towards them.

And as any amount of precious lifetime you spend with them would be just wasted, redirect your focus to the now and the future. There is still so much to look forward to and to enjoy if we make room for it.

 

[aart]

And I have many friends at work that are my support system. They've all been very helpful.

Good Deal, very glad to hear it.
Wish I could give you a real hug.

 

[DobieLover]

Wish I could give you a real hug.

That would be very nice!