BYC Café

[sourland]

That is the problem with this kind of people, they just don't care about the problems and sacrifices others would have to endure to please them. For them it is understood that is is a privilege they feel they grant you.

No matter how much you try to reason with them, they just don't get it, maybe they are unable to in the first place.

So, as much as we might try, we do not have any control over other people's behaviour, the only thing we can do is to change our own towards them.

And as any amount of precious lifetime you spend with them would be just wasted, redirect your focus to the now and the future. There is still so much to look forward to and to enjoy if we make room for it.

It takes a while to figure this out. Since severing ties with a toxic family member I have never looked back. Losing what you never really had is not a loss.

That would be very nice!

All of us are mentally/virtually hugging you.

 

[cheepteach]

new day new perspective new hope!!!! DL, I truly believe you can get through this (not that it should have happened at all) your good hearted spirit is appreciated by others

 

[DobieLover]

Losing what you never really had is not a loss.

Exactly!
As a young teen, during one of her moments of sobriety in a sea of drunkenness, she once informed me how disappointed she was when the nurse gave me to her after I was born and I was not the son she wanted.
Another day she told me she wished I was never born.
As a young independent woman, she would try to demean any accomplishment I made. I was a self-influenced runner in those days and was so happy about how far I'd gotten with it. Running in 5K races with my friends, I'd see the other "real" runners and their runners legs and I commented to her once "I finally have runners legs!" She said, "when will you get runners butt?" Real nice.
Why I ever continued to have a relationship with this woman, I imagine, is I couldn't believe my own mother didn't love me or want me. But it seems that is the case. She only wants me if I have something she needs or wants. For whatever reason, I was also my father's favorite. I don't know why. It was like that since I was little. It was no picnic, I assure you. He expected more from me and was tough on me. He was hard to love. Maybe there is also a jealousy component going on there too. What mother is jealous of her own daughter?
Now that I'll do NOTHING for her, our relationship is concluded.

 

[cheepteach]

I can't comprehend a mother like that----so sorry for you. Take care of yourself

 

[LaFleche]

Exactly!
As a young teen, during one of her moments of sobriety in a sea of drunkenness, she once informed me how disappointed she was when the nurse gave me to her after I was born and I was not the son she wanted.
Another day she told me she wished I was never born.
As a young independent woman, she would try to demean any accomplishment I made. I was a self-influenced runner in those days and was so happy about how far I'd gotten with it. Running in 5K races with my friends, I'd see the other "real" runners and their runners legs and I commented to her once "I finally have runners legs!" She said, "when will you get runners butt?" Real nice.
Why I ever continued to have a relationship with this woman, I imagine, is I couldn't believe my own mother didn't love me or want me. But it seems that is the case. She only wants me if I have something she needs or wants. For whatever reason, I was also my father's favorite. I don't know why. It was like that since I was little. It was no picnic, I assure you. He expected more from me and was tough on me. He was hard to love. Maybe there is also a jealousy component going on there too. What mother is jealous of her own daughter?
Now that I'll do NOTHING for her, our relationship is concluded.

It might help to recall everything one last time and in detail to write it all down just to get it off your chest, and then (ceremoniously) burn the paper(s).

In doing so, you will not wallow over it in the future and free yourself of the self-limiting thoughts, as each time we think about the wrongdoings and hurtful events, we are the ones that keep on hurting ourselves by doing so.

 

[DobieLover]

It might help to recall everything one last time and in detail to write it all down

I don't have that much paper!
I'm feeling much better just writing some of it here. I'll get past this too. I always do. It takes time but once I'm back up, nothing can knock me down. I'm a hard ass that way.

 

[aart]

Maybe there is also a jealousy component going on there too.

Dysfunction ala alcoholism...BTDT.
Spent years in AA and Alanon learning how to cope...it helped, but still.

I'm a hard ass that way.

You had to be to survive.

 

[CLSranch]

Good morning all. Thanks for the coffee, I'll start another pot. Glad your doing better DL sis.

Exactly!
As a young teen, during one of her moments of sobriety in a sea of drunkenness, she once informed me how disappointed she was when the nurse gave me to her after I was born and I was not the son she wanted.
Another day she told me she wished I was never born.
As a young independent woman, she would try to demean any accomplishment I made. I was a self-influenced runner in those days and was so happy about how far I'd gotten with it. Running in 5K races with my friends, I'd see the other "real" runners and their runners legs and I commented to her once "I finally have runners legs!" She said, "when will you get runners butt?" Real nice.
Why I ever continued to have a relationship with this woman, I imagine, is I couldn't believe my own mother didn't love me or want me. But it seems that is the case. She only wants me if I have something she needs or wants. For whatever reason, I was also my father's favorite. I don't know why. It was like that since I was little. It was no picnic, I assure you. He expected more from me and was tough on me. He was hard to love. Maybe there is also a jealousy component going on there too. What mother is jealous of her own daughter?
Now that I'll do NOTHING for her, our relationship is concluded.

Sounds like a very familiar story, except I didn't know, know my dad until I was 18 so no favoritism there. Oddly I went to a Rodeo out of state and ran into my sister. She didn't want me to see him with out her. I didn't even know what state he lived in until she told me. We got along after though.

 

[Mtn Margie]

Hugs, DL! Many of them...
Thanks for the coffee! It is warming up here today with more snow on the weekend.
DH fell on Tues and hit his lower back ribs on the stair edge and has been hurting ever since, but not resting quite as he should. He burned a slash pile on Wed and then spent most of yesterday in even more pain, but resting...
I am off to do chores...

 

[CLSranch]

and hit his lower back ribs on the stair edge

OOOouch. Hope that heals quick. RIbs hurt. And if he's like me the back is already and always messed up not needing any extra help from a fall.