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BYC Writer thread

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by clucky3255, Jan 4, 2013.

  1. clucky3255

    clucky3255 Songster


    • No swearing
    • be kind
    • be honest
    • be encouraging

    You must keep it rated All ages!


    Then you guys may tell me what you think, give corrections and you may also post you're own sort of thing.


    - Cluckster

  2. clucky3255

    clucky3255 Songster

    Alaya spun around slowly, the Dark Lord Balmone’s evil
    shadows began to close in on her. She pointed her armed bow at everything, afraid that it might jump out at her. Her brown braid hung down her back, and beads of cold sweat appeared on her tan forehead. Desperate but completely helpless Alaya swung out an arm at the nearest Shadow, only for it to be grasped by a ugly scarred, black hand, it’s long fingers were covered with rotting flesh. She screamed and kicked furiously but the Shadows only laughed mercilessly at the poor girl. A noise was heard and all the Shadows stopped in their tracks. Alaya’s eyes looked heavenward and into the blue sky. “Lord! If you are up there! Let that be my rescuer!” She opened her mouth but nothing but a groan came out.
    The Shadow released her arm and slammed is putrid hands over their ears, or what seemed to be ears. Their body was cloaked in a black Shadowy veil, which hides all of their skeletal bodies from human sight, and leads to their name. The Shadows. Bewildered by The Shadows action she looked around her. All of the evil Shadows were doing the same. As if something horrible was hurting their ears; not only their ears. They were on the ground writhing with pain, that surged through their scarred body. A sweet sound, like singing, reached her ears. A crystalline clear voice floated through the cloudless sky as if from the heavens. No figure of any sort was revealed to her eyes, but Alaya did not take any chances. This was God’s message to her. She had to escape the clutches of these Shadows….now. She flung her brown braid behind her once more and jumped Shadow after Shadow. The did not seem to notice her as she stumbled and fell on top of them. With Each leap she sent up a prayer of thanks.

    Page one

    This is what I have written so far.....for THIS book. What do you think?
  3. Very good! Details are good, plot seems original, mention of God(very good by my standards :p), very descriptive it provides the reader with a clear picture of the scene. *thumbs UP* :)
  4. This is just something I thought up not too long ago (while trying to write my book) although it has no relevance to the book and I have no idea what I'm going to do with it. [​IMG]

    “What do you want from me?” she whispered. She trembled and her chest tightened in fear. Her thoughts fled to Jacob and her eyes filled with tears.
    He smiled cruelly and lifted her chin, kissing her deeply. “I want only your life.” He hissed softly.
    “No, no please please don’t kill me I have a son, he needs me please don’t kill me I’ll give you anything please!” she pleaded, tears flowing freely now. Jacob filled her mind, her beautiful little boy sitting, waiting for her to come. But she never would.
    “Close your eyes, my dear,” He stroked her cheek, drew back and thrust the knife into her chest.
    Her last thought was the image of a red-haired little boy waiting, waiting, waiting for his mother.
    The man stood and let her body slide to the ground, not a drop of blood on his hands. He wore a smile of satisfaction. Leaving the knife, and the poor woman whose life he had stolen, he walked out the front door.

    “Keela!” a young woman stepped into the house. Only silence greeted her. “Keela?” She set her purse down and began to search the house. “She must be asleep.” The girl decided, making her way to the bedroom. “Keela! Wake up, Jacob is wait-” she stopped abruptly and gasped, for in the doorway lay Keela, scarlet blood still dripping from the knife in her chest.

    It still needs work. lol
  5. miss heny

    miss heny Genetic Expert in learning Premium Member

  6. miss heny

    miss heny Genetic Expert in learning Premium Member

    how that happen? 0_-

  7. It's when the quotation mark sticks to the word before it instead of when the character begins speaking. It annoys me to no end.
  8. miss heny

    miss heny Genetic Expert in learning Premium Member

    which sentence? [​IMG] i may just keep it because it annoys you [​IMG]
  9. -.- Feeling the love.. *doesn't feel the love from MH* :p I meant it annoys me when that happens to me. It's on like the first or second sentence.

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