Can I be a little bit selfish here please?


9 Years
Dec 6, 2010
My mother has been ill for several months now, she has just started chemo for some lumps they found. This was delayed for other health issues which have now been sorted out. The selfish bit is I am finding this overwelming. She says she is not feeling too bad but is staying in bed a lot since the chemoand I am finding myself paralyzed by the whole thing. Its not that there is any resentment but with my sister living too far to help I am feeling like I am on my own which is hard. She says to talk to her but I find this hard and she is so removed from the situation and has her family to look after. Any ideas on how to get moving again?

Enchanted Sunrise Farms

12 Years
Apr 26, 2007
Fair Oaks, California

i'm sorry, i know this can be a very difficult situation. i cared for my mother for extended periods of time through various health issues, and it can take a toll on you. Luckily, i had another sister who lived nearby and we shared the burden. But even so, there would be times i would find myself laying in bed at night, silently screaming that i needed just one little minute for myself.

You may want to look into getting some help. Most hospitals will have an office that provides information on local resources, in-home care for your mother to give you a break, a support group for caretakers. You can't and shouldn't do this all by yourself. There are so many emotions that come up and it helps to talk to others who understand. It isn't selfish to want to save yourself and have a life. You can love your mother but still feel some resentment that you are giving so much and feeling drained.

i do hope you can find a support group and helpful services to assist with your mother's care. It will make a world of difference.


Love Comes with Feathers
9 Years
Jun 26, 2010
Don't worry, it's not selfish... It's just natural feelings. If something traumatizing is happening that you can't do anything about, you're bound to feel trapped. I'm so sorry about your mother! I hope her chemo works!


Heavenly Grains for Hens
9 Years
Jun 8, 2010
Pacific NW- where the Douglas Firs grow
It might help if your mother has procedures to do every day that you are doing to have a nurse come do them. Maybe your insurance would cover such a thing?

Sometimes the thought of doing a medical procedure on our loved ones is overwhelming.

I try to look at things as "How will I feel about it when I'm 80 years old?"

I would just suffer through it. Her time of need will pass and hopefully she'll be better.


9 Years
Apr 7, 2010
Who wouldn't be overwhelmed? I mean, the strongest person in the world to you, your momma, isn't so strong right now. Your earthly go-to, the glue of the family, needs some glue herself. It's hard to do.

I lost my Mom May 13, 2009 after an eight year battle with lung cancer, and let me tell you, her illness completely and totally rocked my world. I watched her suffer, wither away, and eventually die. She was not just my Momma, but my best friend as well. She taught me everything she knew, which was a lot. She was loving, tenderhearted, strong, literally the glue in the family. It hurt me so bad to see her sick that I was sometimes unable to withstand it. And you know what? That's okay to need a moment to remove yourself from the situation just to breathe for a minute. You are going through, well, not as much as she is, but pretty darn close! At one point, I was really angry with my Mom that she was ill. I was angry with some of the choices that she made. But, and this was a huge thing for me, I had to remind myself, sometimes daily, that yes, this was my MOM we were talking about, but it was HER life she was fighting for. I wasn't being asked to give up mine. Her life, her sickness, her treatment, her emotions, and her choices. Remembering that helped me to do what needed to be done, even when I disagreed.

How will you get moving again? I don't know girl, but, you will. Because you have to. Cry when you need to. Step away when you need to. I'll be thinking of you.

Sierra pachie bars

Queen of the Lost
11 Years
Nov 8, 2008
Sending you hugs. I can tell you support groups help. You might try finding a support group online. I belong to one where we randomly send cards and gifts to others with fibromyalgia. I myself have found being a member has helped me. I also find sending cards and gift lifting ones spirit helps me. I saw how it helped my daughter who is 12 she had been so sick and the group got together sending her gifts and cards. So I saw what their kindness did first hand. I know some of them have cancer support groups so I can try to help you find pele to share and talk too. I personally don't know how I would have dealt with what happened to my son with a horse falling in him, and then my daughter sick and then being sick myself, without this group. We have members as far as Africa and members all over the place.
If you need to vent or talk message me.
I know its hard, your a great daughter for being there. But remember loved ones need help coping too. A illness effects all friends and loved ones. We have one member of our group undergoing chemotherapy right now. Support can mean everything.
Take time out to care for yourself too.

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