Can you help edit my essay

[Spookwriter]

Be fully aware of your choice of words.

A burger, be it 100% beef or containing filler, is still a burger.
Marketed as such, sold as such.

You are writing an essay for a class assignment about a documentary
film from 2008. You are not here to teach us.

If there are "real" farmers, there must by definition be fake farmers?
Consider adding a few defining words such a "corportate farming"
which is nothing like small farms, yet both are real farms.

Find your theme, then choose your words.


Spook...who's done this once or twice.

 

[Kaitie09]

One trick I was taught in high school was to read the essay backwards. Normally your brain will automatically create a word or sentence just by looking at it. If you read backwards, you have to study each word so you'll notice if something does not look right or if you capitalized a word you should not have.

 

[MamaRoo]

Quote:
Check your capitalization, titles and trademarks (Twinkies)
Is everything in your essay from the movie? If not you need to provide sources.
Corn does not "produce E coli in the meat". You need to figure out what's actually happening and say that.
Work on making complete sentences. "So are the cattle and swine." Is a fragment

 

[Lothiriel]

Quote:
1. Define "real farmers."
2. Define "GM." Not everyone knows what that is.
3. Try a synonym for "starts out" -- I was always corrected for using that phrase.
4. Don't have two sentences starting with "they talk" one after the other.
5. Spelling.
6. Add a comma.
7.The "others" you are looking for is the possessive -- put the apostrophe on the end.
8. Spelling.
9. That's supposed to be one word.
10. Who is she in debt with?
11. Find another word for "farming." It just sounds odd to say "farmers farming..."
12. Add a comma.
13. I'd turn that comma into a dash.
14. You need a couple commas in that sentence.
15. Combine some sentences! Variance in sentence length is good -- but too much makes your otherwise smooth writing sound choppy.
16. Same as 15.
17. I'd combine those two -- personally I'd put the second one first and use a "because" to make the connection.
18. Punctuation. That "its" should be possessive. Needs an apostrophe.
19. You need to include a conjunction... like "but."

Fix the unnecessary capitalization.

Other than those points, very nice piece of work. And yes, I am a grammar/spelling/puctuation geek.

ETA -- "I will discuses"? Spelling there....