Can't sleep, need advice

[Chickenmaven]

I understand your concerns. I have a tubby hubby, too. If he is not sexy to you, you might want ot address that directly.

HOWEVER, your comments about your "moderate" family really gave me cause to pause. I wonder if you value "self discipline" more than your DH does. Do you attach a value to self discipline & self control? Is he less of a man because he indulges himself? People have some pretty varied and interesting notions of the concept strength. You know: real men don't cry, real men are tough, etc. Another example: anorexics feel very smug about not eating and disgusted by the weakness in people who pig out. (I know that I felt that way 25 years ago, when I was in the throes of my food issues). I am in no way trying to say that your views are that extreme or that you have a problem. You might just not see things his way.

 

[HennyPennies2007]

This really got me... if this situation was reversed and a man was griping about his wife's weight... it would be hitting the fan!!! All this BS about "size" in Hollywood and let's accept folks as they are ....real people blah...blah...blah....If this was a guy posting....he would be shredded in a second, no matter how "helpful" he was trying to be.

 

[Wifezilla]

Part of the problem is what you think is "healthy" for him isn't. It sounds like he is carb sensitive and carb addicted. The WORST possible thing for him to eat is cereal. Processed grains (I don't care if it say WHOLE on the box, that is an outright lie) convert to glucose, spike his blood sugar, raise his insulin levels, and an hour after he eats, he is as hungry as a bear...right?

I know because this is how I lived for over 30 years. I ate whole grains, cut fat, exercised like a mad person and just kept gaining weight. At my worst, I was 280lbs, around the time I became a vegetarian.

The problem was I was eating WAY too many carbs. Each 50g of carbohydrates regardless of the source is = to 1/4 cup of sugar. A bowl of cereal with skim milk (depending on the size) is the same as a cup of sugar eaten with a spoon. One research paper I recently read showed sugar to be as addictive as heroine. As a former Little Debbies Junkie, I can agree with that!

If your house is full of low fat products, cereals, brown rice, skim milk and fat-free salad dressings, those products are contributing to your husbands excess weight. (Now the beer isn't helping either, but one thing at a time.)

Get your husband a copy of Protein Power life plan. Understand that bread, rice, potatoes, corn, pasta, etc... are all just really sugar. Fat doesn't make you fat, fat makes you feel full. Cutting fat and meat from his diet will only make him worse. I know. Been there done that.

I lost 42lbs in less than a year by just by limiting my carbohydrates to less than 50g/day. I eat a lot of fresh veggies, meat, and natural fats.

All that being said, I think this is partly your body image issues. Don't focus on hubby's weight, focus on his health. Going low carb saved me from type 2 diabetes and hypertension. Eating lots of whole grains, exercising 6 days a week and hour a day and cutting fats had me at 149/95. At low carb, exercising when I feel like it and eating meat, greens, cheese, eggs, and coconut my bp is now 101/62. Oh, and I don't weight 280lbs anymore. I weight 207. Only 20 more to lose to get to my goal.

 

[Poulets De Cajun]

Quote:
As I crash from my sugar high.... LOL

 

[HennyPennies2007]

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Wifezilla... you are my hero....

 

[ChooksChick]

I absolutely agree w/ wifezilla, but I recall you saying you didn't like the cereal thing, and that it wasn't what you wanted- did I miss something?

OP talks about beans, lentils, etc, not cereal...and complains of carbs, like beer, doughnuts and bagels.

 

[Xtina]

Quote:
Yeah, you got that. I do believe in the importance of whole grains, and while I prefer to avoid excess carbohydrates, my personal philosophy is that foods like oatmeal, lentils, kidney beans, black beans, and brown rice are absolutely crucial to a diet. I could get rid of white rice entirely and eat potatoes and pasta few times per year, and feel like that was perfectly healthy.

But, like I said, I do think he eats way too many empty carbs. Mostly in the beer. I'm not a fan of fad diets that cut out food groups and ignore how humanity remained so healthy for so long. Tell the French to go on a low carb diet, ha! And 20 years ago, we'd have been telling them to go on a low fat diet. They sat contentedly by, watching us get fatter while they stayed svelt, enjoying all the breads and cheeses they wanted. I feel like every food group is important, especially greens, vegetables, fruits, nuts, and oils. I eat meat very happily (but not during lent), but I try to keep it within reason. I think portion control and eating non-processed foods is much more important overall than what you're eating, but I AM listening to what you guys are saying about carbs. I do agree that they have to be a small part of the diet, not large. I think that about sums up my dietary philosophy, although that's just the most basic stuff. There's a lot more to what I think about health than just that.

 

[Xtina]

Quote:
Well, I'm not sure. I know that my idealization of a tiny waistline in a man is not good for me and I'm trying to get over that. It's certainly not what I expect of my husband. And as far as manliness goes, I don't think that he's anything but the most masculine man I know, and I'm happy when he shows emotion as well. He's tough but sweet and that's exactly what I like about him.

I really do attach value to moderate behavior, like you said self discipline and self control. But I also attach value to simple enjoyment of the good things in life, like food and friends. So I don't feel like my attitude is wrong there, but it's gotten to the point where I can hardly stand to see him get ready to "enjoy himself" because I know how incredibly overboard he goes, every single time. When celebrations are going on, I never restrict him. I wait till later if I have anything to say, and I usually try to avoid saying anything. I don't give him the smallest sliver of cake, I don't point out that maybe he shouldn't go back for seconds, or anything that might make him feel ashamed in front of people. I want him to enjoy himself, but if it's a party, I feel like one beer and one piece of cake is enough, not six beers.

 

[MandyH]

I would like to chip in my two cents. When me and Dh got married, I weighed 50 pounds less than I do now. He weighed about 100 less. I joke all the time that we are illegally married to half of each other LOL!!! Anyway, I know a lot of people say that fat people can't be fit per se but we can do anything we want to do and have no trouble doing it. We both climb trees in our treestands, carry 50 pounds of hunting equipment up and down the hills and valleys getting to our treestands, etc. I get sick and tired of being heavy, but not sick and tired enough to quit cooking and eating. I LOVE to cook and bake, and he LOVES to eat. That's one of the many things we like to do together is eat. I've come to find that I'd rather be fat and happy, than skinny and uptight. I worry about both of us being too heavy, especially him. He knows that he needs to lose weight, and would love too, but every diet we try just makes us both irritable and hungry. Maybe one of these days I can lose a little, my main concern is I don't want to embarrass my child, but for now I think I will go have a slice of homemade pound cake.

 

[Xtina]

Well, for lunch today, the neighbor made him a soy "rib" sandwich while I was making him veggies and hummus. I don't make fake meat products because I don't believe in faking meat and I think Americans get too much soy in our diets, but overall, I think this lunch was good. For dinner, it's going to be spinach and cheese stuffed rigatoni and homemade whole wheat bread. The neighbor's bringing grilled fish. I think this is a good dinner, but I assume the Atkins diet crowd would disagree.