Can't sleep, need advice

To the last three posters, I'm sorry you think it's wrong of me to think he's obese. But it's not a subjective call. These are technical terms with real definitions, and the weight he is technically makes him obese. It's not my call or yours, it's simply the facts.

To the rest of you, thanks so much. I'm really torn between the advice of rscrvc and of CityGirlInTheCountry. Both sound like they make so much sense to me, and I don't know what's right. rscrvc, yes, my husband knows that diabetes is an immediate risk for him, since others in his family have Type II diabetes brought on by their excess weight. This runs in his family, as does heart disease and high blood pressure.
 
ahh! those BMI charts are a joke! (they want you to look like Twiggy!) you asked for advice so heres mine....leave him alone....is he faithful to you? does he treat you right? does he work and help support you and your household? does he let you have lots of chickens? (heehe) i mean really....if hes a good guy and likes to have a few beers and burgers now and then...let him...its HIS body!....you cant dictate what an adult puts into their body....you choose to eat what you want right? why cant he? it sounds like you want him to be something that hes not...and thats not fair to him...did he eat burgers when you married him? i say keeping a marriage happy is enough work....why make it harder with your demands? i would be thankful that he went on walks with me...he dosent have to even do that...maybe he likes to have a few beers cause he feels nagged on a bit to much...
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good luck with everything...but really, life is to short as it is...just be happy with him and love him for who is he now...you might be sorry tomorrow if something (god forbid) happens... then youre memories would be of this stuff....instead of being happy together...
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Anyone who knows anything about health, knows that BMI is NOT an accurate scale, nor an accurate way to measure weight. My BMI says I'm 'overweight', but yet I'm the healthiest I've ever been, and back into a 32 waist which I haven't worn in 8 years.

Sound more like a problem of you not being attracted to him anymore, than it does anything else. I know, because I used to BE you. I made excuses about the health factor, this, that, and the other, when the truth was it was really MY problem and not his. If you're not attracted to him anymore because he has a few extra pounds, dont nag him and make excuses out of it, just tell him that he is unattractive to you at his current weight. He'll either leave you, or loose weight.
 
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He's a great husband. I hear what you're saying. Maybe it's just my upbringing because my family was VERY moderate in everything, so I just kind of panic on the inside constantly about that and I wonder where the care for him is in any advice that says it's his choice to put himself in bad health. I have issues caring about people too much, it's not just for him, but he's the person I care about the most, and I have a hard time breaking myself of the wish to be his partner in the highest sense of it, which means being responsible and helping him do what's right. These are the demons that battle themselves on my shoulders, or maybe their angels, I don't know. The one says, "he deserves to indulge himself and not hear it from you" and the other says, "he's hurting himself and you're failing in your charge to protect and help him."

I just don't know what's the right thing.
 
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Well, I'd say it's a combination of both. I DO care about his health above all. But yes, it's hard to keep up a physical attraction to him when I feel like his stomach is a big barrier between us when I try to get close to him. I can't wrap my arms around him, and I can't get close to him. I don't think that this is wrong for me to feel, but I also won't say it to him because I try to protect him from that notion. He knows we still have an active sex life and we both work at that very hard (sorry for the TMI, but it was necessary).

As for the BMI, the only way I can agree that it's an unfair assessment is if you're the type of person who is all muscle, because muscle weighs more than fat. If you were solid beefcake, then your BMI would show up too high, but you wouldn't be unfit. Other than that, I'm going to put my faith in the scales that medical science has determined.
 
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The right thing, is to BE HAPPY together now, while you still can! every day we are here is a gift! dont waste it making you BOTH unhappy! let him make his OWN choices! he is not a baby...remember caring for someone is NOT the same a controlling them.....you get my drift...
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This is a good point. The first time I read it, I took it the way you intended, but by the third time I read it, something about it struck me: I don't eat what I want! Not at all! I try to avoid foods that are bad for me, even though I fail a lot. I limit my portions. If I ate what I want, it would be ice cream for breakfast, grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch, and fried chicken for dinner followed with more ice cream and cookies. But eating what I want makes me feel sick and bad, so I train myself to learn new recipes that knock my socks off but are also good for me. I don't know how he can drink a gallon of beer in a day, plus a super burrito, plus chicken wings for dinner, and still feel good. Just the gallon of beer, I couldn't consume it!
 
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The right thing, is to BE HAPPY together now, while you still can! every day we are here is a gift! dont waste it making you BOTH unhappy! let him make his OWN choices! he is not a baby...remember caring for someone is NOT the same a controlling them.....you get my drift...
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I do get your drift. The other advocate on my shoulder says, "haven't we all heard stories of people who used to be overweight, saying that they never realized how unhappy they had been until they lost weight?" This comes back to me over and over again, pretty forcefully. I know he's unhappy about his weight, because he says so all the time.
 
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This is a good point. The first time I read it, I took it the way you intended, but by the third time I read it, something about it struck me: I don't eat what I want! Not at all! I try to avoid foods that are bad for me, even though I fail a lot. I limit my portions. If I ate what I want, it would be ice cream for breakfast, grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch, and fried chicken for dinner followed with more ice cream and cookies. But eating what I want makes me feel sick and bad, so I train myself to learn new recipes that knock my socks off but are also good for me. I don't know how he can drink a gallon of beer in a day, plus a super burrito, plus chicken wings for dinner, and still feel good. Just the gallon of beer, I couldn't consume it!

honey! i know many a man that can eat that and then some! he is not abnormal!
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but again..my point still stands....even though you dont eat all the junk foods you want to...you still have the free choice to decide what you want to put into your mouth......he's not telling you not to eat ice cream cause you'll get fat.(or is he?)...if you are eating healthy its still YOUR choice...you are just making the right choice...where as he may not be...and its his business..i think...
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