child adoption

[Chirpy]

We have been a foster/adopt home for 11 1/2 years. We have adopted five children through the foster care system.

I could write a book on adoption, or talk all day, as it's very, very special to us. We have been so blessed with all the children that came to spend time in our home. More children left to go live elsewhere but the five who stayed are ours forever and that's the most wonderful thing in the world.

We had to go through, I think, 30 hours (that was 12 yrs. ago) of special training and pass a homestudy to become a licensed foster home. By law the County has to have a case worker (assigned to you) come to your home once every month while you are a foster family. Then, when a child/children are placed in your home, their caseworker also comes once a month to check on them. Your license is renewed once each year for the following 12 months.

As a legal risk foster home (meaning that we knew up front we wanted to adopt so children were placed in our home that had a higher probability of becoming legally free for adoption) we still had to take the children into the county offices once or twice every week for one to three hour visits with their birth parent(s). That often goes on for months until either the birth parents get them back or a bio family member (grandparent/aunt, etc.) gets custody or they become free to adopt.

In Colorado children are supposed to have a permanent placement plan by the time they have been in foster care for one year. It doesn't always happen that quickly but usually. Some children were in our home for as little as a week and we had one little girl stay for almost eight months before going home to her birth mom.

Children are not in foster care because they are healthy, mentally sound, emotionally stable ... they came from damaged homes and many of these sweet children are 'damaged'. They desperately need stable, loving homes with moms and dads who can show them a real family home for as long as they need to be there. Many of these children have special needs, usually related to being behind in school or having been exposed to drugs and/or alcohol in utero. With proper care and help (therapy) most of them can get back on track in life and live 'normal' lives. Some never will.

Foster homes get paid (not enough, but you most certainly don't do it for money) to have children in their home. When it came time to adopt it cost us around $100 per child... that's it.

If you have specific questions please feel free to PM me.

I'm glad you are doing this research... good luck and do our adopted children justice!!

 

[mangled]

Carolina Chicken Man, your little girl is just perfect.

Congrats!

Em

 

[fosterchick]

I have adopted two children thru foster care. I am trying to adopt a child that is still looking for a family. I also have one foster child in my home right now. Who know what will happen in that case. My adoptions have been free. The state that I live in pays for the adoption fees. I have to do 24 hour of training a year to keep my foster care license. I have really love my choice to adopt in the US verses out of the country. And I have saved losts of money.

 

[steffpeck]

We adopted our daughter, McKinley (she is 9 now). We tried for almost 5 years and I couldn't get pregnant. I can honestly say that God's plan was for us to adopt McKinley. Things that should have never happened, happened and we were blessed to get her. Her birthmother chose us, we knew about 4 months before she was born that we were going to get her. That was the longest 4 months of my life. I was able to go to doctor's appointments, ultrasounds, if was such a special experience. We were not there for the birth, but got a call the next morning that she had been born, and that the birthmom wanted us to come to the hospital. We went to the hospital and got to bring our baby girl home that night. It was so difficult walking out of that hospital room with the baby and seeing the birthmother sitting there in the bed sobbing. The adoption was such an amazing, emotional, life changing event and I am so grateful to God that he allowed me to experience it.

After we adopted McKinley, I gave birth to 2 baby boy's, Dallin, who is 6 now and Aiden will be 2 in August.

Please feel free to let me know if you have other questions, I would be happy to tell you more.

 

[theOEGBman]

Steffpeck, Your story just made my whole body shiver. It amazes me what God will do in order to help a life. Obviously, you were meant to adopt McKinley. God knew he had to hold out with Dallin and Aiden so you would be available for her. Awesome story. I love their names by the way!


I'm not adopted, nor do I have any children, but we do have two family members that have adopted children, and one also has a foster child. My mom's best friend, who I guess is a family member, adopted her daughter from a friend who was raped. She was there when she was born and even cut the umbilical cord. The other "Family Member" is my dad's best friend. His brother & his brother's girlfriend were strung out on drugs when she got preggo, so when she gave birth, the decided to adopt the boy so he would have a good life. Since then, they have brought many foster children into their home, and a couple came from horrific conditions. One boy was only 6 years old and I wont say what happened to him, but I can say it scarred him for life. Not physically, but emotionally. I just want to say Thank You to everyone here who has adopted or keeps foster children. You are all a real blessing.

 

[vicki2x2]

We had two bio children, but I always wanted to adopt, so we chose to adopt our next two. We had planned to go through the state, took 8 weeks of classes, started our homestudy and then the company my husband worked for was bought out and his job was in jeopardy. We put everything on hold. Two years later and another job, we felt it was time to start again and attended a weekend long conference. After the conference, which was very upfront about problems you may face as a foster family, we decided it wasn't the right time for us to foster. We were worried about the emotional health and safety of our two bio children (then 8 & 10), so we chose to adopt internationally.

We had no idea where we would come up with that much money, but God provided! I spent several months researching on the internet, getting information from agencies, pouring over countries and their requirements. We sent in our pre-application the end of January 01, then worked on the formal application and paperwork. It was a bit daunting and we drug out feet a bit, trying to figure out how to put our life down on paper. We finally turned in our paperwork the first of May, was matched with a waiting child and he was home October 4, 2001 just a few short months later!! We were in total awe that we were intrusted with this beautiful child and within weeks, couldn't imagine our life without him. Sam was 21 months when he came home from South Korea and their had been some concerns about his health at birth, but those had been resolved and his main issue was then his age and sex, but we thought and still do, that he is a precious gift!!

Three years later, we began the journey again, this time with more confidence in the process and our ability to parent a special needs child. We chose to go through the Hong Kong program, a very small program that only places special needs children, but is an amazing program that provides awesome care to their kids. We started in January again, but had all our paperwork done by March and had it sent off to Hong Kong. We weren't matched until December with a beautiful little girl who was 10 months old at the time. She was born with multiple heart defects and several hemivertebrae. She had one surgery at 3 days and was waiting for another. We knew instantly she was our daughter. While completing the next round of paperwork, they decided to do our next surgery and halt the adoption process, in case something happened. Her surgery was in January, and by March she had completely recovered and been cleared to fly, so they started the paperwork again. We flew to Hong Kong in early June to pick her up and again, she is a perfect fit for our family.

Adoption has been the most rewarding thing we have ever done and if money and age (mine!) wasn't an issue, I would adopt several more in a heartbeat!

 

[spudchild]

Quote:
Steffpeck, that is a wonderful story! I had to comment on your oldest boy's name though. I have a six year old nephew named Dallin. I've never met another child with his name. His middle name is McKay. It sounds like you a have a wonderful family.

 

[jeaucamom]

This is from the adopted perspective...

I was adopted when I was 9 months old. I was born in CT and adopted into a family with an older brother who was adopted at birth. I always knew I was adopted and my parents were loving and perfectly accepting of me. CT is the only (to my knowledge) state in the union with closed adoption laws still. I have paid hundreds and hundreds of dollars and now finally have some "non-identifying" information about my mother. BUT.... there is a hole the size of the universe in me. When it was family ancestry day (something my elementary school did every year K-6) and I didn't know my ancestery, I dressed as my adopted parents, but I always knew it was not who I was. My older brother was physically and emotionally abusive due to his own hardships (dyslexia, ADDHD etc). But I was always releived that at least we weren't biologically related. Then when it was time to have kids of my own.... there was much stress involved because I had NO idea what horrible disease lurked in my genes. Then when I had breast and thyroid cancer it was very troubling not having any family medical history. My children can trace their heritage back to the Mayflower on their Dad's side and back to me on my side. It makes me very, very sad.

When I was born, apparently I had some medical issues and was in the hospital and had two surgeries. I have no legal right to even know what surgeries were performed, because they were performed on "someone else" according to the courts of CT. Can anyone imagine the effects on a newborn to be in the hospital for a month with no parents to hold them and then in 6 foster homes in the next 8 months before being adopted? Not to mention the impact on a developing fetus with a mother planning on giving it away at birth. I know that may sound controversial, and I KNOW she did it with only my welfare in mind, BUT we only now understand just how much bonding goes on in utero.

I had to face the decision myself when I found myself single, destitute and pregnant after my divorce. I had two small children, no way to support myself, devastated from losing my husband etc. I kept my child, Caity who will be 10 next week, and have never, ever regretted it one day. She was named Catherine (Pure) Grace, because that is what she is to me, a gift of pure grace. I questioned whether or not bringing a child into a destitute home was fair to my other two kids to make them stretch our resources even more, but for me, the only answer ever could have been yes.

BUT..... when I had Jessica, my oldest, and looked into her beautiful face the first time, it was the FIRST time I had ever looked at anyone related to me... a part of me. For 24 years I was ALONE in the utmost sense of the word until Jessica. I BAWLED my eyes out for days. It is quite impossible to describe what an island feels like to finally join the mainland.

 

[FutureChickenMan]

Open adoption is the way to go, unless of course you don't have any other option. We have access to bio mom and her family. Bio-dad on the other hand... all we know is his name. Other than that he's a big unknown. From what I've heard about him it's better that way.

 

[M.J]

thank you every one for your experiences thats im trying to do research but some of the web sites just lead me to blank walls or questions unanswered though i am making progress especially with all of your assistance

thank you all again

M.J