Coffee Club

[aart]

Living with and caring for a dementia patient who was once your equal, partner and best friend is about as tough as it gets.

No Doubt.
I canNOT imagine.
Also know nothing I say could ease your burden.

 

[CapricornFarm]

We can get freezing temps at night even in June. But the buck ate my prize Hosta down to the roots, I doubt they will come back. If they do I will be READY for him this year.

They generally do grow back. At least mine do.

 

[CapricornFarm]

I know. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place with him. He can't help he's in the condition he's in and I would hate to be in his shoes so I try to take him with me whenever I can. But on the flip side of the coin, he (unintentionally) drives me batty and dramatically slows down progress.

I can sympathize. I only made it through 6 months of my Aunt living with us. My parents gave up after a week. We stayed with Mom for a year, fixing up the house and throwing out junk. Both of them had dementia.

 

[CapricornFarm]

Morning everyone.

@DobieLover both of my parents had a very slow, progressive, vascular dementia and were diagnosed within a year of one another. I was their caregiver for close to 20 years. Dad was easy to take care of. He was just happily confused but mom was violent. It was heartbreaking and both physically and mentally hard to take care of her. It seemed ironic that when I went back to work I wound up taking care of a lot of dementia/alzheimer's disease patients.

You are correct with everything you wrote. All I can do is offer you and everyone else who is dealing with a loved one with dementia a hug. It doesn't get any easier.

You are a saint.

 

[microchick]

Thanks Cap but not so much a saint as just a daughter who loved her parents.

 

[CapricornFarm]

Thanks Cap but not so much a saint as just a daughter who loved her parents.

Sometimes love is not enough. The depression just kept getting worse until I had to back off to prevent insanity.

 

[Ladies-Eight]

I feel for him. It is very, very difficult.
My best advice you can pass on to him is to drop any and all former "expectations".
DH and I used to be great partners. We both stayed busy keeping up with things and the house remodel was moving right along. But now, he can't do any of it and misplaces supplies and tools regularly. The frustration level for me gets so bad, I shut down.
I now expect him to do nothing. I have to pretend I live alone and must do everything. If he asks to help, I give him the simplest task and it will take him a minimum of 5 times longer to do it than I can. That's okay. He feels useful and like he's contributing.
Although this next bit of advice if very hard, you have to act as if the question you are being asked for the 7th time in less than 15 minutes is the first time you are hearing it and answer accordingly.
Even when they say something that makes no sense at all, agree with them. Arguing is utterly futile. They can no longer understand.
Keep everything as simple as possible. Routine is great.
I also got a pretty little Month/Day/Day of the week decoration to display prominently on the counter to help him orient to the current time of year.
Their brains also do not register things they are looking directly at. I can't tell you the number of times DH would ask where his coffee mug was and it was literally sitting right smack dab in the middle of the counter.

My hat's off to you. They even get to the point they don't know who you are. I worked in a locked unit. Watched family cry because they wouldn't to them, they didn't know who they were, and etc.

You are an angel in disguise for taking care of him at home. I hope when he gets to where he is wandering off you will consider having a full time caretaker or placement in a confined unit. Otherwise, you will need someone to take care of you.

My blessings are with you.
Karen

 

[Ladies-Eight]

Good afternoon CC'ers. I'm late getting on. The tea is ready, pick your flavor and the condiments you want. I really need my tea for relaxation and riddance of brain fog.

 

[CapricornFarm]

Good afternoon CC'ers. I'm late getting on. The tea is ready, pick your flavor and the condiments you want. I really need my tea for relaxation and riddance of brain fog.

Is there a special tea for brain fog? I need some!

 

[Ladies-Eight]

Is there a special tea for brain fog? I need some!

Just lots of caffeine! It works better than anything else.