Coronavirus, Covid 19 Discussion and How It Has Affected Your Daily Life Chat Thread

[Ninjasquirrel]

My sister and her husband have cared for his mother in their home for 9 months. She lived alone before she moved in with them. A year ago she was driving herself, cooking for herself, shopping for herself, cleaning herself and her home, regularly walking for exercise, regularly playing cards and reading, managing her doctors appointments and medications herself (she saw doctors for parkinson's and meds for that and high blood pressure- although she's never had high blood pressure) but had no other health issues. She is in her mid80's, and very slim.

By May, she could not safely drive, could not consistently follow her medication schedule even with notes, and was afraid to be alone.

Last September is the last time I saw her. She could not remember how to use the controls of a (very simple) microwave, and could not remember the rules of the card games she had played regularly for decades.

In November, she asked what covid is. Although the next day she said she couldn't do something because covid made it too risky. This back and forth with what she could do has been typical.

By January, she sometimes needed to be guided to pull her pants down before she sat on the toilet.

They attribute her abrupt and steady decline to the covid shots. It does not fit a stroke or even a series of strokes. Alzheimer is closer to how has it progressed other than timeframe isn't typical (fast progression of Alzheimer is two to four years from diagnosis to moderate stage) and there is no family history of it.

Last Sunday, she fell and broke her hip. The surgery went pretty well but she needs a rehab center for a couple of weeks.

All rehab centers in our area (I'm not sure if it is a state requirement but it is at least all within several hours drive) require a covid booster shot before they will admitted her.

So sorry to hear this. It's unfortunate and you can never predict how fast they can decline. Sending prayers for you all

 

[h2oratt]

My sister and her husband have cared for his mother in their home for 9 months. She lived alone before she moved in with them. A year ago she was driving herself, cooking for herself, shopping for herself, cleaning herself and her home, regularly walking for exercise, regularly playing cards and reading, managing her doctors appointments and medications herself (she saw doctors for parkinson's and meds for that and high blood pressure- although she's never had high blood pressure) but had no other health issues. She is in her mid80's, and very slim.

By May, she could not safely drive, could not consistently follow her medication schedule even with notes, and was afraid to be alone.

Last September is the last time I saw her. She could not remember how to use the controls of a (very simple) microwave, and could not remember the rules of the card games she had played regularly for decades.

In November, she asked what covid is. Although the next day she said she couldn't do something because covid made it too risky. This back and forth with what she could do has been typical.

By January, she sometimes needed to be guided to pull her pants down before she sat on the toilet.

They attribute her abrupt and steady decline to the covid shots. It does not fit a stroke or even a series of strokes. Alzheimer is closer to how has it progressed other than timeframe isn't typical (fast progression of Alzheimer is two to four years from diagnosis to moderate stage) and there is no family history of it.

Last Sunday, she fell and broke her hip. The surgery went pretty well but she needs a rehab center for a couple of weeks.

All rehab centers in our area (I'm not sure if it is a state requirement but it is at least all within several hours drive) require a covid booster shot before they will admitted her.

I am so sorry. This sounds very hard to deal with. You must be under a tremendous amount of stress

 

[saysfaa]

I'm not directly involved as they live many hours away. I've offered respite care or such but so far it hasn't worked out to go. My heart aches for them. Has even before this.

And it has gotten worse. She (I will call her M) was moved to the rehab last Thursday. She has continued to not be very responsive - refusing to eat or drink, not willing to move when the aides try to help her. The center said if this continues long, they are not the right place for her. They brought up hospice. But she was eating well at my sister's. Drinking enough was been an issue at times but was doing much better the last few weeks. If this is just a temporary unresponsiveness due to anemia from the surgery or being in a strange place with different routines then hospice is not appropriate - that will bring a lot of supports for them but it will also end access to a lot of treatments.

Yesterday, her daughter and daughter's husband were with her. They left for lunch and when they came back after lunch they were told they can't go it. The facility is in lockdown. , , and tears.

The rehab place took both emails and said they would give updates. There have been no updates so far.

When my grandmother was in the hospital (20 years ago), she wasn't eating. In her case, it was because the bedside tray was above her eye level. Well, and she didn't care about food very much. One or another of us drove the hour to the hospital three times a day to hold the plate where she could see it and keep her company as she ate. She recovered enough to go home.

My sister has spent so much time and effort figuring out how to encourage and allow M to do what she can for herself, doing the rest for her, ect. It is heartbreaking to know M has had very little to eat or drink since Saturday night, and to not know or have any way to find out if it is because M is far enough gone that hospice is the right decision (or whether she can go to the hospice house even if it is, given the lock down). Or whether she just needs some of her routine or even just something simple like the plate where she can see it.

 

[Ninjasquirrel]

I'm not directly involved as they live many hours away. I've offered respite care or such but so far it hasn't worked out to go. My heart aches for them. Has even before this.

And it has gotten worse. She (I will call her M) was moved to the rehab last Thursday. She has continued to not be very responsive - refusing to eat or drink, not willing to move when the aides try to help her. The center said if this continues long, they are not the right place for her. They brought up hospice. But she was eating well at my sister's. Drinking enough was been an issue at times but was doing much better the last few weeks. If this is just a temporary unresponsiveness due to anemia from the surgery or being in a strange place with different routines then hospice is not appropriate - that will bring a lot of supports for them but it will also end access to a lot of treatments.

Yesterday, her daughter and daughter's husband were with her. They left for lunch and when they came back after lunch they were told they can't go it. The facility is in lockdown. , , and tears.

The rehab place took both emails and said they would give updates. There have been no updates so far.

When my grandmother was in the hospital (20 years ago), she wasn't eating. In her case, it was because the bedside tray was above her eye level. Well, and she didn't care about food very much. One or another of us drove the hour to the hospital three times a day to hold the plate where she could see it and keep her company as she ate. She recovered enough to go home.

My sister has spent so much time and effort figuring out how to encourage and allow M to do what she can for herself, doing the rest for her, ect. It is heartbreaking to know M has had very little to eat or drink since Saturday night, and to not know or have any way to find out if it is because M is far enough gone that hospice is the right decision (or whether she can go to the hospice house even if it is, given the lock down). Or whether she just needs some of her routine or even just something simple like the plate where she can see it.

So sorry to hear this. I'm praying for you. I know that the hardest thing about it is how helpless it can make you feel because it's all you can do to sit and watch as things crumble around you. Hang in there

 

[h2oratt]

So sad. Seems like we are treating our elders very badly. I was hoping this would end.

 

[Hayden Goseek]

My sister has spent so much time and effort figuring out how to encourage and allow M to do what she can for herself, doing the rest for her, ect. It is heartbreaking to know M has had very little to eat or drink since Saturday night, and to not know or have any way to find out if it is because M is far enough gone that hospice is the right decision (or whether she can go to the hospice house even if it is, given the lock down). Or whether she just needs some of her routine or even just something simple like the plate where she can see it.

I'm so sorry.
This is more of a technical note. Hospice is by definition used when doctors agree that the patient will 'likely' die in 6 months. Of course it doesn't always happen this way, some go home, some (like my Mom) don't even make it there. There are home health and inpatient versions. there is also Palliative care which allows for more treatment but the focus of both is making the patient comfortable.
You are right to explore if she is being treated right and if there is an impediment to her eating. Know also that when someone is close to death, they often stop eating and drinking. The body begins producing natural endorphins that ease their progress. It is hard to watch because it SEEMS cruel to us but it actually eases the pain. (A lot of 'end of life' care is counter intuitive.)
Sorry to go on about a grim subject. I worked in a Hospice in Nursing School and although I never went back to it I found it fascinating and a wonderful experience.
DW says "Just like it's an honor it be at someone's birth, it's an honor to be with them at their death."

 

[Ninjasquirrel]

I'm so sorry.
This is more of a technical note. Hospice is by definition used when doctors agree that the patient will 'likely' die in 6 months. Of course it doesn't always happen this way, some go home, some (like my Mom) don't even make it there. There are home health and inpatient versions. there is also Palliative care which allows for more treatment but the focus of both is making the patient comfortable.
You are right to explore if she is being treated right and if there is an impediment to her eating. Know also that when someone is close to death, they often stop eating and drinking. The body begins producing natural endorphins that ease their progress. It is hard to watch because it SEEMS cruel to us but it actually eases the pain. (A lot of 'end of life' care is counter intuitive.)
Sorry to go on about a grim subject. I worked in a Hospice in Nursing School and although I never went back to it I found it fascinating and a wonderful experience.
DW says "Just like it's an honor it be at someone's birth, it's an honor to be with them at their death."

Very well put. Some people see hospice as a death sentence but not always. My uncle had a stroke while he was on his roof and fell off. So in addition to the stroke he had a cerebral hemorrhage. They thought he'd never talk again or walk again. They also thought he would die. He was admitted to hospice but he gained back his motor functions. He couldn't talk but he could comprehend and spoke in huhs or hmms. After 6 months at hospice they demanded he leave and he was put in a nursing home. He rapidly declined there and eventually passed. I had to watch his decline at a young age but I feel I'm stronger because of it.

 

[saysfaa]

The lockdown is for norovirus. Thankfully, it is expected to end tomorrow.

M is eating and drinking more than she was. The rehab facility stopped talking about hospice. From how she is doing; not from pushback, as far as I know, but I have what my sister told me of what her sister-in-law told her, so maybe not.

M is very confused and resists doing anything they ask. They are still saying she can't stay there unless she becomes more cooperative. They recommend an alzheimer unit.

Hospice is wonderful when the time comes. My aunt is in hospice now. My mother was last summer, both my brother's father-in-law and mother-in-law were a few years ago. Our hospice has a hospice house but it is for the very end; I think other places may have larger facilities that can care for people starting earlier in the process. We have been able to care for our family at home until the end (the three recent passings anyway). Hospice has been very helpful with what to expect as well as other help.

M's brother-in-law and a cousin died last week (M was very close to that cousin). My sister does not know the cause of the deaths yet. It seems like a really lot in a short time but my sister and I decided we didn't pay enough attention to know if this should be expected.

Thank y'all for your concern and support. Sorry for not answering individually. I'm out of state, visiting my kids, last week and this week, so not online much.

 

[Ninjasquirrel]

The lockdown is for norovirus. Thankfully, it is expected to end tomorrow.

M is eating and drinking more than she was. The rehab facility stopped talking about hospice. From how she is doing; not from pushback, as far as I know, but I have what my sister told me of what her sister-in-law told her, so maybe not.

M is very confused and resists doing anything they ask. They are still saying she can't stay there unless she becomes more cooperative. They recommend an alzheimer unit.

Hospice is wonderful when the time comes. My aunt is in hospice now. My mother was last summer, both my brother's father-in-law and mother-in-law were a few years ago. Our hospice has a hospice house but it is for the very end; I think other places may have larger facilities that can care for people starting earlier in the process. We have been able to care for our family at home until the end (the three recent passings anyway). Hospice has been very helpful with what to expect as well as other help.

M's brother-in-law and a cousin died last week (M was very close to that cousin). My sister does not know the cause of the deaths yet. It seems like a really lot in a short time but my sister and I decided we didn't pay enough attention to know if this should be expected.

Thank y'all for your concern and support. Sorry for not answering individually. I'm out of state, visiting my kids, last week and this week, so not online much.

That's great she's doing better. What is the nature of her being "uncooperative"? I've been in nursing homes with some I would consider that and they didn't refuse them. I had one lady who had soiled herself and I said "we just need to change your undergarments and we will leave you alone". To which she screamed "why do you people always want to change my underwear?! Call the fire department!!" Luckily that was the day the fire department was inspecting us and a fireman walked by the room. "See? I called them. They're on there way". She was always a pain. She'd spit food back at you and demand to go back to her room.

 

[saysfaa]

That's great she's doing better. What is the nature of her being "uncooperative"? ...

When the OT came for an initial assessment, she asked M to sit up. M refused. The OT sat her up. Same for moving closer, standing, taking a step.

It seems much the same for the OTA and PT or PTA. I'm not sure how much they can "sit her up" after she refuses or whether it defeats the purpose of the rehab. At one point she was asked to lean forward and she leaned backward.

I also am not sure what, exactly, "refuses" is. She has sometimes refused to do things my sister asked of her. That was "I can't", or "not now", or "I want to go home." Or to stay with one of her other kids. Sometimes it was just turning her head away and not moving. Sometimes she would later do whatever it was if her son asked it instead of my sister; sometimes it seemed very clear that she really couldn't understand or couldn't do what was asked.