Cranky with my midwives... Anyone else been here, done that?

[anbhean]

So I'm 29 weeks with my third baby. My last two pregnancies were nightmares because, well mainly and honestly, because I am not a tiny woman. Sure wish I was, but it just ain't happening. And anyone who also isn't a "tiny" person who has dealt with medical "professionals" knows that being not tiny immediately marks you for a whole lot of mistreatment during doctors appointments. I was berated, insulted, totally ignored, told that it was a "miracle I found someone to impregnate me" (yeah, not kidding) and allowed to go three and a half weeks over due with my son (he was born jaundice because of this) and two weeks overdue with my daughter because the doctor I had just didn't want to "have to deliver me".

Here's where I state, that yes, I am overweight-- but no, I am not a circus fat lady either. I work out four days a week (pilates, aerobics and swimming laps), I eat mostly sensibly and I try very hard to keep my weight down. I just don't have a lot of luck in that department. But clearly I can't be that unhealthy if I can get in the condition I currently am in just by looking sideways at my husband once! LOL!

So anyway, this time around I decided to try the midwife experience since I hear they are better about listening to a woman and not being so dismissive. Boy did I hear wrong. My midwives (I have to see all three so I know them all when I deliver, since they deliver on an "on-call" basis) have done exactly the same routine the doctor did. They claim I would have no idea when my LMP was because "heavier women never know their cycles" and then tell me that there is no way I could tell when I conceived. Funny, I coulda swore I was there.

They've pushed my due date to the point where I apparently had a positive home preg. test before they claim I conceived! And their doing the same things that caused both my other children to be overdue even after I told them I am not OK with delivering past due this time.

Also, I've been having pretty intense pains lately and have been telling them about it for over a month. They won't even listen to me. They keep saying it must be an infection, then test me. Never is an infection though, so they drop it. Apparently that's their only option as to what could be causing the pain? Wha?! When I asked the midwife last month if it could be my cervix thinning.. she literally laughed at me and said it wasn't possible. Is she nuts? Of course it's possible, people have incompetant cervixes all the time!

And now I'm really getting mad because every time I even try to discuss a "birth plan" with them they blow me off and say things like "Don't worry about that" or "It'll be what it's going to be"!!!!!! So I'm not even entitled a birth plan? I've talked to another woman who was recently a patient and she was horrified. She says she had a solid birth plan and a scheduled induction set by 6 months. So... why can't I is I guess what I am wondering.

I have an appointment in about an hour and I'm so stressed I can't even see straight. Any advice from the moms, or dads out there who have (or their partner's have) dealt with anything like this?

 

[redhen]

Ugh.. time to switch docs??

 

[Slinkytoys]

You've hired these people. YOU are the boss. If they won't be professional in their duties with you, start up the chain of command. Even they can be sued for discrimination. You are mad, use your anger to get answers. If you accept their behavior, you are condoning it. Heck, your husband should be upset about it!!!
Slinky

 

[Sunny Side Up]

Ohhh, you poor dear BEAUTIFUL Mommy!!! You need to RUUUNNNNNN from that awful practice and find a new one!
And

to those doctors,

to those midwives too! Shame on them! They should NOT be giving you such dismissive treatment. If you're experiencing pain or any other troubling symptoms and don't feel you're being listened to you should go to the ER and tell them your caregiver won't listen. I had two GREAT births at Miami Maternity Center http://www.miamimaternitycenter.net/ which were far better than my first experience with a traditional obstetric practice (obviously trained at the JiffyLube School of Medical Care).

Your pregnancies should be special times where you receive ALL the support & care you need. Shame, shame, SHAME on those other docs & midwives for treating you so poorly! Maybe you can find some BYCers near you on the Where Are You section to recommend a better caregiver. Or contact my maternity center and ask them if they have someone they could recommend in your area.

God bless you & your baby & all your family too!

 

[dntd]

Your midwifes suck, honestly. Leave the practice as a woman you need to have a team you like. I am overwieght and never in my life been treated like that( I was told by a few dr's I was 100% going to miscarry at 17 weeks due to a placenta abrution, they even sent me home with large blood pockets the ultrasound tec has never seen before!They told me to pray and one ever drew a picture of the miscarrage when i asked what would happen if he lived full term! he made it past term and is heathy, I never listen to dr's though because they tend to be wrong 50% of the time Remember birthplans change but it's good to have one in place, mine was in a hospital setting no induction but I was forced to be induced even though I was fully diolated w/o any noted contraction, his head had to be placed mannually as he failed to come down( done by dr).My midwifes had a set time were things were discussed done by weeks.

 

[ChikeeMomma]

I'd look for new midwives/doctor. I went to an ob-gyn the first time around. Not a good experience. The second time around I went to midwives. It was a much, much better experience! You should be comfy with whomever you choose, whether it be midwife or doctor. Good Luck!

 

[DuckLady]

Same sort of thing happened with our daughter. She wanted a home birth and in her rotation of midwives, one kept telling her how overweight she was. Poor girl called me in tears. She had worked so hard for a year before conceiving, quitting smoking, eating healthy, losing weight, exercising. About half way through her pregnancy one of the mw's told her she could only gain 5 more pounds and probably had gestational diabetes. She was lectured about all the things she was doing wrong.

I told her to talk to the midwife she was most comfortable with and tell her what she told me and how it made her feel......like a failure and how this was stressing her to the point of not sleeping or eating. Communication is important and if they wouldn't listen, she needed to find another midwife.

She did talk to one of the midwives and was tested and didn't have diabetes and everything worked out through the rest of her pregnancy and she got the support and care she needed.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

I absolutely agree that you need to change practices NOW. IFF you keep the appointment mentioned, begin by telling the midwife that you are sick and tired of being ignored and mistreated. That they WILL pay attention to your concerns or you will notify your insurance company and the state licensing board of their unprofessional behavior. Be very specific to include that horrible comment about finding someone willing to impregnante you! That is BEYOND unethical. You may want to prepare this as a letter to give them if you have difficulty speaking your mind in person.

Mentioning your weight is medically appropriate in certain circumstances. Both heavy and thin women can have difficulties with pregnancy that is less likely to occur in an average weight woman. However, once they have ascertained that your exercise regimen is appropriate for a pregnant woman, that your diet is healthy for a pregnant woman and that you do not have gestational diabetes, it is out of bounds.

Talk to your friends and let them know that you are looking for a new OB or midwife; if they can recommend someone they like you are already starting off at a better place. Then rather than scheduling your next OB appointment, schedule a shorter meeting to interview for a new practicioner. And keep looking until you find someone you are comfortable with--who treats you as a person first, as a gloriously expectant mother second and worries about your weight only as medically necessary.

FWIW, my placenta DID abrupt, and it certainly had nothing to do with my weight (I am on the small side).

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
Every visit I had during both my pregnancies I was tested for gestational diabetes. Warning about it but not testing is stupid.

 

[DuckLady]

Right. It just stressed her even more.