Cranky with my midwives... Anyone else been here, done that?

[onthespot]

I am SO SORRY you have gotten such rude and uncaring "professionals" by the luck of the draw. I agree with the others. Not too late to shop around and get someone else. I halfway think showing up at the ER in labor you'd get better care than with those three stooges.

 

[whillo]

Anbhean, so sorry you're feeling so stressed at this time. So not good for that little one in there. I had my first baby at home and the next two in the hospital (married a fireman and he was a worry wart). Looking back, I loved my doctor and I think that is the only thing that made the hospital births bearable. They do things a lot different though. I did NOT have a birth plan in the hospital back then (my youngest is 20) and have since worked with my ladies and helped them make theirs. Perhaps the midwives thought you needn't worry about a birth plan because by just the idea of wanting to go with a midwife instead of a hospital doctor, that tells them what they need to know about your desires in birth since midwives tend to personify the natural methods of childbirth and after care just by the title. Maybe you could go to the internet and find some sample birth plans, pick some things out there particularly stand out and then discuss just that with her the next time you see her if you think it's different from what they normally do. I think you're at a very heightened sensitivity right now. I hope your appointment went well.

Re the pain, I had no pains with my first two, but with my daughter I was almost 40. I had pain a LOT. I was also a lot more scared because of my age. At first I thought it would be a piece of cake because I was "so experienced"

, but my first had been 12 years earlier. I was not in bad shape, but I was not a tiny girl either. I think I weighed 200 the day she was born. My doctor told me that could have something to do with the pains, and he tested for other things but found nothing. (He ALSO told me I couldn't gain any more weight and that particular day I left the office and had a huge cheesesteak sandwich! I guess you could say I was a little hurt that he would say that, but to be honest, of course he was right.) She was born healthy and beautiful and there were no complications. I'm not saying that your pain is nothing, just that it is possible to have pain and it be okay. If you're very worried, as hard as it is, maybe you could find someone to test you further. Read read read so you have something to ask. Could it be this, could it be that?

Stay strong Anbhean. Take a deep breath and sing to that baby. Certainly he is feeling all this angst.

I know it seems forever and a day that this will all be a memory and you'll be holding that baby in your arms. Congratulations to you.

Whillo

 

[Mandalina]

that is absolutely horrible! I cant belive people who are to be medical proffessionals can be so ignorant and abusive towards a patient.Not everyone is a string bean, it happens.i really hate how people feel the need to degrate and be so horrible to people who are already more than aware they dont fit the barbie mold.I swear I have steam coming out of my ears after reading that.

You need to put your foot down.There is no way in Hades the way they are speaking to you and treating you is ok.If they are going to continue in such a manner then they gotta go. I would keep looking for another doc/midwife in your area who hopefully wouldnt be such a moronic idiot towards you.

Big Big hugs!

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

My midwife ENCOURAGED me to write a birth plan!

 

[Amyable]

Anbhean, I am just a couple weeks ahead of you and also using midwives with this pregnancy (2nd.) They are wonderful and NOTHING like what you've described yours to be. It's not too late to find another midwife that will treat you compassionately and professionally. Ask around, get referrals. I wanted to go the midwife route in order to have a home birth and avoid unnecessary interventions and testing that go with conventional medicine. So far I am very satisfied with my care. It's more important to find someone you're comfortable with than to put up with these people are are treating you poorly.

 

[EweSheep]

I agree with the rest, go find another OB/GYN or midwife. It is so degrading for a doc to say that to you! I am overweight but was not treated like that until after I had my daughter.

 

[Camelot Farms]

Aww you poor thing. You are being horribly mistreated by people who you are paying for a service.

I have known many nurse midwives, duelas (spelling), lactation specialists etc and I can no more see one of them acting like that than I can see them growing wings and flying around.

I hope that you are able to find new providers who will serve you in the way that you deserve to be treated. Dont let 'professionals' ruin a amazing life experience for you. Perhaps at some point, you can consider filing a report against this particular midwife practice. Take some time now to focus on you, your baby and what you want this birth experience to be.

This is your life, your body and your baby...all of which deserve to be treated with respect.

In the meantime if out of necessity you find that you must meet with any of these midwives, please find the inner strength to dress them down if they continue this behavior toward you. A simple... 'Excuse me, that comment was unnecessary and hurtful' should at least get them to shut up.

I would also consider asking for a copy of their records from this birth before they get wind that you might be leaving and filing a report later. You dont want information to be changed or adapted to show a different picture.

If you ask for a service that they do not provide such as the birth plan etc...ask them to please give that to you in writing so you can see that you were denied a basic service.

(((hugs)))

 

[bumpershoot]

NO ONE deserves that kind of treatment! Fire their butts! YOU are special and you DESERVE special treatment!!!!!

 

[anbhean]

Thanks everyone for the kind words and advice!

It sure cheered me up!

I did keep the appointment and ironically went in mad as heck and ready to tear butt, but as soon as the midwife asked how I was I pulled a total hormonal switch up-- starting crying out of no where and laid the whole story at her feet. She was actually really nice about it! She agreed to let me set an induction for 4 days after my original due date (I wish I didn't need to set an induction, but I just don't go into labor on my own) and was horrified that the other midwife blew off my attempts to discuss a birth plan. Especially when I told her my only birth plan was to avoid delivering significantly overdue and to put off an epidural until I felt I had to have one. I'm not anti-epidural, I've had two. But last time they nicked me three times before getting it right, giving me a nasty spinal headache just in time to push and an only about a 35% effective block. So.... I'm a little more anxious this time to go the epidural route. Literally, that's my whole birth plan! I'm pretty easy going on the whole birthing experience.

I also got her to take the pains seriously this time. Unfortunately talking about it all and all the stress made my BP sky high during the appointment, so on top of all the other tests I had to run this morning for the pains (liver enzymes, gall bladder function, etc etc etc), I also am having to be watched for gestational hypertension now.

Not too worried though, I'm sure it was just the stress over all this. My bet is, now that I've got at least one midwife to listen to me, and I've gotten some of the issues addressed, my BP will be back to normal by the week's end. I plan on going back in Friday for new vitals.

I think the biggest stresser for me is I have horrible insurance, so switching care providers isn't an option. In my town, it's these guys or the "clinic" that literally gets sued once a year for malpractice. I think that feeling of being trapped made my stress about the situation that much worse. I was scared to say anything because I don't want the mid-wives to drop me. Believe it or not, as bad as it's been... it's still way better than the scary Dr. Kavorkian stuff that goes on at the only other option I have in my town.

But I feel better that I blurted it all out and hey, the midwife may think I'm a nutter, but at least she's listening now. Hopefully the other two follow suit and don't get snarky with me for "ratting them out"!

 

[EweSheep]

Just remember, stick to your guns and made good on your threats. There still no need to be ignored!