Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[suekayb]

My daughter did the same thing in breaking up with a great kid. He came over asked for hand in marriage beautiful ring everthing was perfect? Next day she gave it back??? He is a town hero a firefighter and I think the world of him as a person. She hasn't
ended it for sure, she doesn.t date but I wouldn't blame him because he got hurt. Thanks for listenning, Susan

 

[hennotrooster]

My daughter did the same thing in breaking up with a great kid. He came over asked for hand in marriage beautiful ring everthing was perfect? Next day she gave it back??? He is a town hero a firefighter and I think the world of him as a person. She hasn't
ended it for sure, she doesn.t date but I wouldn't blame him because he got hurt. Thanks for listenning, Susan

From the High Desert of CA where right now it is snowing.

Our kids forget that we too fall in love (sometimes) with the people they choose. My son dated a girl for 7 years they have been apart since 1999 and I still miss her she was not a high maintenance girl and could hold her own. I just loved her well she calls every few years to say hello and my son is still single and will be I guess for the duration he still has not found that right girl for himself (that's because he let her go) He is 37 and will be a bachelor forever.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

I have been with my husband for ten rich and incredibly rewarding years. We've challenged each other, grown and supported one another, and understand the other more than we sometimes understand ourselves. When we're apart, I sometimes catch myself grinning like an idiot just from thinking of him. My parents do not approve of my husband, and have actively tried to break us up in the past. They constantly pushed their number one and two choices of men at me up until those choices married other people. One was the son of a man holding what they viewed as prestige, whom I briefly dated in high school (number two was the same...except I didn't even know him). That relationship ended for a reason. Yet, those marvelous imaginary babies, prestigious dinner parties, and ideals of what a son-in-law should be danced around quite vividly in their heads. What didn't seem to be vividly dancing around was any concept of what I actually wanted myself.

If I had ended up unmarried, that would have been a far happier existence than being married to someone I did not love. The words, "I just want what is best for you" still make me break out in a cold sweat.

Getting attached to someone a child is dating is great...so long as that is recognized as a separate relationship. That is to say, your relationship with them...not the relationship your son/daughter has with them.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

When a parent becomes extremely attached to their child's boy/girlfriend, it puts a lot of pressure on the child. Dating is about learning to have and maintain a relationship, and also about finding out what you as an individual want and need in a partner. Being pressured by outside sources (parents, friends, etc.) never does anything good.

 

[oldrooster]

I have been with my husband for ten rich and incredibly rewarding years. We've challenged each other, grown and supported one another, and understand the other more than we sometimes understand ourselves. When we're apart, I sometimes catch myself grinning like an idiot just from thinking of him. My parents do not approve of my husband, and have actively tried to break us up in the past. They constantly pushed their number one and two choices of men at me up until those choices married other people. One was the son of a man holding what they viewed as prestige, whom I briefly dated in high school (number two was the same...except I didn't even know him). That relationship ended for a reason. Yet, those marvelous imaginary babies, prestigious dinner parties, and ideals of what a son-in-law should be danced around quite vividly in their heads. What didn't seem to be vividly dancing around was any concept of what I actually wanted myself.

If I had ended up unmarried, that would have been a far happier existence than being married to someone I did not love. The words, "I just want what is best for you" still make me break out in a cold sweat.

Getting attached to someone a child is dating is great...so long as that is recognized as a separate relationship. That is to say, your relationship with them...not the relationship your son/daughter has with them.

My parents had two girls they wanted me to marry for very different reasons, but one I could not love just because I only could have had one as a friend that was I could feel for her a close friendship, but nothing more, the other, I couldn't even be a close friend to because she had a personality if I was around would end up being a toxic relationship, she had a flawed personality, and ended up going to jail for statitory rape of a 12 year old boy and she was in her late 20's, and she had a son of her own....... I have no idea why they wanted me to date these girls other than they knew the families for several years and thought highly of their families (the one who went to jail was just a black sheep of the family...)

 

[hennotrooster]

Well I guess I am doing pretty good then because I have never interfered in the choices they make. I may not like them sometimes. I do tell them what I think then let it rest and will always treat the person they choose with respect and love because that is the person that my child has chosen to love. I am not the one going home with that person and by interfering all a parent does is make the relationship harder for the (grown) child and that is not what we are to do. We as parents never think anyone is good enough for our babies.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

OldRoo, you certainly made the correct call on the second girl! Wow.

 

[connie1966]

Im going through the same thing, im losing my mind, i feel like im going through the break up im so depressed, i cry everyday i miss him so much, he lived with us for 1 1/2 he was like a son, i cant imagine a future without him, i feel like she abandoned him i don't get how she could just let him go.. they were together almost 3 years. im heartbroken

 

[Spookwriter]

This thread brought me a smile when I really needed
one. Kinda hits home. Just backwards.

My wife, she wasn't my first girl friend. She's my best girl
and I like her a lot.

But way back in high school, I had me a real pretty little
girl friend. Little blond girl. Not much taller than a good smurf.
I liked her a bunch. Liked her three beautiful sisters. And I really
liked her parents. I mean I REALLY liked her parents.

This was one of those familys that had an impact on my life.

Jeannie and I ...we grew up, went our separate ways. Life happens.
As an adult, I've never seen her. Make it a point not to...avoid temptation
and all that.

I've talked to her one time on the telephone, when her father passed
away. (making sure my wife was in the room)

But my wife didn't say a word when I paid for Jeannie's fathers funeral.
I didn't attend the funeral. Knowing the funeral director, he bent the rules
a bit for me.

My dear wife has never once said a thing to me...I stop by and check on
"mom" now and then. If she needs a little something, I give her a little
something. If she needs me, all she has to do is call. To the best of my
knowledge, her daughter doesn't have my phone number.

But mom does.

So this thread made me smile...that girl had some parents.

 

[connie1966]

This thread brought me a smile when I really needed
one. Kinda hits home. Just backwards.

My wife, she wasn't my first girl friend. She's my best girl
and I like her a lot.

But way back in high school, I had me a real pretty little
girl friend. Little blond girl. Not much taller than a good smurf.
I liked her a bunch. Liked her three beautiful sisters. And I really
liked her parents. I mean I REALLY liked her parents.

This was one of those familys that had an impact on my life.

Jeannie and I ...we grew up, went our separate ways. Life happens.
As an adult, I've never seen her. Make it a point not to...avoid temptation
and all that.

I've talked to her one time on the telephone, when her father passed
away. (making sure my wife was in the room)

But my wife didn't say a word when I paid for Jeannie's fathers funeral.
I didn't attend the funeral. Knowing the funeral director, he bent the rules
a bit for me.

My dear wife has never once said a thing to me...I stop by and check on
"mom" now and then. If she needs a little something, I give her a little
something. If she needs me, all she has to do is call. To the best of my
knowledge, her daughter doesn't have my phone number.

But mom does.

So this thread made me smile...that girl had some parents.

sweet story