Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[punk-a-doodle]

Bdcraw, so glad to hear that the hurt and pain is starting to give way to excitement for the future. It takes a lot of strength to pull insight out of an experience that pains us, and it sounds like you have done just that. I can't think of anything more helpful to people dealing with an experience than hearing encouragement from someone who has gone through the same thing and is healing. I'm really glad you all have this place to speak with, learn from, share, and heal with each other.

 

[at463]

I cannot believe I found this thread. I thought I was going mad. Two days ago my daughter split with her boyfriend after 4 years. She's nearly 23. He's devastated and has been in contact several times. I can't believe how upset I am and how much I feel for him it feels as if I'm going through the breakup. I guess it is like going through a grieving process a little.

 

[Demi13]

Connie and bdcraw you both have helped me soooo much! I have been talking to myself in the shower for the past 2 weeks having this exact conversation. Connie, I'm going through the same thing as you are and BCcraw you are what I say back to myself in the shower! I feel so nuts right now, so thank you both for sharing. Now I know that how I'm feeling is legitimate, and the advise I've been giving myself is right. My daughter broke up with her boyfriend,of 4 years, 6 days before Christmas. He too was family and she was family to his family. The sense of loss is so real and I'm working on it, can't wait for the pain to fade with time. Your conversation has helped me a lot....Thank you!

 

[countrydream7]

it is a step stone in life we all go thru it hard at times, but we heal and move on...better they find out now than later

 

[BayBay Peepers]

Sounds like his actions were showing he wasn't going to put your daughter ahead of college fun. He's just not ready for a commitment. As hard as it is for you I would not bother messaging him, but just make sure your daughter is alright. Sounds like so far she's dealing well, but somethings take a little more time to move on from.

I know most people don't like to hear this, but time heals most wounds and there are indeed plenty of fish in the sea. She will find someone who is equally dedicated to her

 

[seminolewind]

I know it's very hard to let go of someone you have deep feelings for. But maybe we need to think about what's best for your son and the ex girlfriend. The best thing for your son is to support him . Obviously something wasn't working and nobody outside of your son will know the whole story, just what they are told. Your son is doing what's right for him. Support him in that.

As much as you were attached to the girlfriend, it may be best to distance yourself from her. She may need that to get on with her life and stop hoping that your son will come back. I know it's heartbreaking for you, but doing what's best for them may not be what's best for your feelings.

 

[lilwildrabbit]

I'm 57 years old but I did learn one thing it's not in our power to do anything best we can do is pick up the pieces dust their dress or pants off pathem on the butt and send them back in I have seen parents try to intervene it's not pretty! Just pray to God you raised them with a lick of sense to know what's good for them! And know how to run away from what's bad!!

 

[Leigh1111]

Thank you for posting this!! I feel like I have lost my mind. My daughter and her boyfriend broke up and they have only been together about 2 months and I am so depressed. He became such a part of our lives over such a short period of time. They are teens and I felt like his mother since he hasn't had the best home life. I am really struggling with missing and worrying about him. The pitiful thing is it's not like he is even the type of person I would have wanted her to marry but he is just a kid I got so attached to and want to see him succeed and am so worried he won't without some good influence. I hope this gets easier because right now I am just sick about it.

 

[DWJ]

I can not believe I found you guys! I have felt like I am completely insane. My daughter broke off her engagement in March and I have been heart broken ever since. I have also cried many times. I miss him and just want to hug him. Fortunately, last month I did ask if we could meet for dinner and surprisingly he agreed, so my other daughter (who considered him a brother) and I met him. We had a good talk, and I did get to hug him. When it was time to say good bye it was so hard, and I told him I felt like we would never see him like this again. We all said we would get together for a pizza sometime, but this week he started dating a new girl (and I am happy for him, I want him to find someone), and I doubt if a new girl would want him meeting his ex fiancé's mom and sister for pizza. So it probably was our final goodbye. We had a good talk, and I thought it would help....but it still is hard. So thank you all who have posted so I can see I am not alone. I really need to be cautious about any future guys either of my girls date. I do not want to become emotionally attached to them until they are officially in the family. I think the holidays is making it even harder. He spent the last 4 Christmas's with us, and I honestly thought they would get back together before the holidays, but it isn't going to happen. I just wonder when I will stop feeling like I lost my son. I would never have believed I could get so attached to someone's else's child like this...as if they were my own.

 

[chgogirl]

I cannot believe I found this forum-I don’t even have chickens! (although I would like to!) I need someone to talk to about the issue you all have been discussing.... I have been dealing with these feelings of loss for going on a year now and would be so thankful to have someone to share them with who would understand!