Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[connie1966]

Im glad we could help ! I still have all their pics on fb and was just looking at them and looking at that boy i loved so much still do i gotta say. but yes hes not the same anymore il miss what was and what could have been but need to accept what is.. She has moved on so has he and we need to do the same let go of what we cant control as hard as it is we have no choice .. Your home crying and hes out there gaving a good time not thinking of you or your daughter! If he really loved her he would have fought for her! I wish it was her x who had ****ed up the relationship would have been easier for me to let go.. So dont worry she will find someone who will make her a priority and live happily ever after this guy is imature and hes not worthy of your little girl

 

[Am I mad 66]

Thank you for your reply to us all individually. Everyone has helped me. I have just read mixed emotions story again and the issues are all so similar. I can't believe how different I feel, though I know it will probably hit me again if I see something on Facebook - no more snooping to see what he is up to! Time is a healer even if we don't like to be told that, isn't it?

Please keep chatting, this is my emotional life saver!
Xx

 

[Am I mad 66]

Have just read Connie's last email again. How true! We're crying and he's out there making a new life and not caring about either or any of us!

Xx

 

[connie1966]

Yup try not to snoop! Lol try to stay distracted keep your mind of it trust me its wasted energy! I was consumed by this for so long ! What a waste of time and energy! My daughters coming back from vacation today i will focus on our relationship from now on .. Poor kid she felt my indifferebce to her current boyfriend when i referred to him i would say the guy! Never did i say oh say hello from me, it must hurt her, so in her recent emails i sent my hellos to him.. So i am trying i.. I dont have to love him but she does so i have to respect that and be supportive

 

[mixed emotions]

Am I Mad 66, I totally agree - this forum has been an emotional life saver. I still go through the posts from over a year ago and read all the stories and find peace from them.

I promised myself yesterday not to snoop but I did it again (fail!) and found out the xBF's dad is going through chemo for the second time now the cancer has gotten worse. Uggg I really want to reach out to this young man!! I can't imagine what he's going through. I suppose it's ok to just tell him we're thinking of his dad and leave it at that? I'm so confused ;(

connie1966, how exciting your daughter is coming home today - I hope the two of you will be closer then ever from now on I'm glad to hear you're starting to open up to your her current BF because my daughter's xBF's mom never opened up to her and she was very hurt by it. My daughter didn't expect to be super close to his mom but just pleasant small talk would have been enough for her.

 

[connie1966]

Dont reach out trust me!! Unless your daughter says it ok!! And yes its sad that i never made an effort but its not like he comes over and i ignored him , she hasnt brought him yet! , so its her who realises i was indiferent not sure if he does , he never said say hi to your mom either so its all gpod!

 

[Am I mad 66]

I agree with Connie, don't contact him. I wonder how they feel about ex-mothers / mothers in laws contacting them? Are they just embarrassed and simply want to move on? I wonder what made your daughter's ex bf write that horrible email?

Let's all move on. Easier said than done though xx

 

[connie1966]

He said you taught me to never go backwards and your forcing me to reread an old chapter something like that.. Your daughter moved pn and so have i, you would expect this begaviour from an x not from the mother etc..

 

[The pain hurts]

I have just read this entire thread from the beginning because I am struggling with a similar question about whether to contact my daughter's ex. He was the one that broke up with her though.
My daughter is 24 and he is 27. They have dated for only a year, but they were very serious and my daughter had fallen hard for this guy and is deeply in love. She had dated several boys in high school and college, but none were potential life long partners as she put it. She really thought this was the man she would marry. They had discussed a future together and although nothing was definite and he was up front about the "taking it slow" part, she believed they would always be together.
I really liked this man and became to love him as a son. We spent time as a family together and I looked forward to it. Last Sunday evening he was here for dinner and we spent a fun evening with our whole family playing board games and everyone was happy, laughing and getting along fine. When he left we made tentative plans for next weekend. That was the last we saw of him, and according to our daughter it is over between them. He broke it off with her right after that. She was devastated. She says he just doesn't see them together for life.
I felt as bad as she did. It was like I failed my daughter. Like our family hadn't passed muster. I felt as if we hadn't behave properly, or we said something wrong, or served the wrong fork with the salad. It hurts. I don't want my daughter to blame me for the break up. Then I felt guilty when I wondered what was wrong with my daughter. Why wasn't she good enough, what had she done? Then I got angry. What's his problem? Can't he see what a great catch my daughter is? I just want to know why? Then I started imagining he was cheating on her. (I don't know when he'd have time, they were always together). I listened to her cry and I felt sick and I had to restrain myself from calling or texting him to find out exactly what happened. I didn't sleep much the last two days.
Then I found this blog and I read it all. A few occurred to me . I realize I'm normal to hurt and grieve over a lost relationship, whether it's mine or not. I must support my daughter no matter why the breakup happened. I must find ways to grieve for my loss without disrupting my daughter's loss. I must realize that I will lose others in my life again and that's the price for getting to meet them in the first place. And no matter how much I want to reach out to ex, I can't because, frankly, it's just creepy to have you're ex's mom do that. I know from experience.When my son broke up with his girlfriend, her mom was so upset she called me and came over to my house and I thought that was creepy.
I don't know what will happen with my daughter. She says she won't get back with him even if he changes his mind. But I know I feel better equipped to handle what lays ahead after reading these posts. Thanks.

 

[connie1966]

i wish it was him who broke up with my daughter would have been so much easier to get over it i could have hated it lol

you know what he just wasn't for her and be grateful he let her go now then a few more years down the line! theirs someone else out there for her who will love her 100% so don't worry about it she will get over this and live happily ever after! good for her for saying she wouldn't take him back even if he came back! yes u will miss him but people change and if someone walks away from you let them , hes not worthy of her love.. just be supportive to her and forget him he doesn't care neither should you.