Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[The pain hurts]

Thanks.

 

[Am I mad 66]

I really feel for you because the split is so recent and you will be feeling very raw. I can't believe how similar we all feel, because like you, I think it's a bit creepy, a daughter's mother obsessing over the whole relationship. I think my daughter would be horrified and there's no-one I feel I could be honest about this with. Not even my husband. He's upset too, but he would never understand me pouring for hours over Facebook, looking at his photos, reading things into comments and who has made them.

It's definitely getting better (haven't looked at his fb site for at least 3 days) but had another wave of grief today thinking about him going on holiday with the kids on his own at the end of the month. We've holidayed with them, we should be there, is he going with someone else or meeting someone there? A new woman? My daughter would def think I had lost it if she knew this was how I was thinking.

Things will get better but it takes time, and a longer time for some than for others.

Xx

 

[mixed emotions]

Well, I held off in contacting him. I really wanted to but thought about what you both said and decided not to. So thank u for stopping me from doing something I would have regretted forever! I'm glad I haven't reached out. Probably right that he would either be embarrassed or get creeped out or more likely just wants to forget her (and me) and move on. Just when I thought time was starting to heal I dreamt last night they were back together! Good grief!

THE PAIN HURTS: You took the words right out of my head... "I felt as bad as she did. It was like I failed my daughter. Like our family hadn't passed muster. I felt as if we hadn't behave properly, or we said something wrong, or served the wrong fork with the salad. It hurts. I don't want my daughter to blame me for the break up. Then I felt guilty when I wondered what was wrong with my daughter. Why wasn't she good enough, what had she done? Then I got angry. What's his problem? Can't he see what a great catch my daughter is? I just want to know why? Then I started imagining he was cheating on her. (I don't know when he'd have time, they were always together). I listened to her cry and I felt sick and I had to restrain myself from calling or texting him to find out exactly what happened."

These are the same thoughts that I've been sick about thinking! WHAT IF I did something different to have avoided that night at the party? WHAT IF I stopped her from going? WHAT IF I raised her better? WHAT IF my daughter treated him better... WHAT IF… WHAT IF… It's got to stop. I'm blaming myself and questioning my daughter???!!! WHAT THE….bleep) So I've decided to think only the bad things about him and how much better off she is without him… hopefully this will stop the pain/insanity much quicker!!!

These posts is therapy! Thank u all.

 

[seminolewind]

I've been there myself and my parents felt bad for him!

Think of the positive. It's much better it happens now rather than in 20 years and 3 kids later.

 

[connie1966]

So true.. It benefits no one holding on to this pain, my daughter was telling me she hated being home before she left on vacation and that now she feels confertable being home because im more positive, little does she know its because i let her x go , so she feels the difference we exude what we feel even though we try to fake it and act all normal , it like a death we mourn and move on and let them rest in peace , and i didnt allow him i guess to move on completely because id always reminded him by contacting him because of my selfishness now i get it and im guessing thats what ****** him off so much

 

[The pain hurts]

I'm glad I can read this and know my feelings aren't crazy. My daughter is hurting but she's not ready to talk about it and I don't know if she'll ever really want to talk to me about it. That's all I want to do is talk about it. I have to stop myself so that I don't push her away. I can't stop wanting to know why he broke up with her. I want to say goodbye to him. I want to scold him for hurting my daughter. I want my daughter not to hurt so much, but I don't want to hurt either. I feel like I'm hiding a secret from people. Thanks again for starting this thread. I really can see that time has helped.

 

[Am I mad 66]

You' re not crazy. We have lost a dear person in our lives but it's not for us to know or to ask why? So hard to be a mother. I love my son-in-law, but I didn't have to live with him. I watched and worried about my daughter being miserable, hoping it would work itself out. It hasn't. And I need to accept it and not concentrate on the figure I thought he was


Xx

 

[Am I mad 66]

For my friends


Worried mothers are better researchers than the FBI xx

 

[connie1966]

Hahaha r we ever! Loo

 

[Am I mad 66]

Absolutely right. My daughter knew on her wedding day that she need out but was too frightened to say xx