Daughter doesnt want to spend time at grandmothers house.

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

My daughter, who is going to be 7 in October has had a great summer so far. Spending time at home, with us and her friends. And has spent several nights now at my moms. Although when I was leaving last time she began crying for me and I stayed longer than originally planned.

Well. Now my MIL has vacation time and wants Sarah to spend a night or two at her house and doing things with her. Not a horrible request. But this is the grandmother that has taken her to temple, without speaking with us first. And last summer put Sarah in a kayak against her wishes(and without telling us her plans) and even though Sarah told her she didnt want to go in the 'boat' and was scared, to the point of crying. MIL and her friend insisted it was alright, put her in the kayak and took her out on the lake anyway. Since that incident Sarah has not wanted to spend time with MIL. It scared her THAT much.

I just had to basically bribe my kid to go spend one night and day with my MIL. Which I hated doing. I dont like to force my kid to do anything that makes her uncomfortable. School, rules, laws are one thing. Spending time where she isnt happy or comfortable is another.

It kills me that she has this relationship with her own grandmother, who isnt a stranger to her at all. She just doesnt want to go there and spend time with her. And in all honesty. I dont blame her

 

[CrazyFowlFreak]

So don't send her.

maybe if Grandma realizes that she's pushing your daughter past her points of comfort, then maybe she'll back down a little on your DD.

 

[Southernbelle]

What is wrong with that woman!?!

I don't blame you at all! Did you tell her that boundaries were crossed here that are not okay? She's making judgement calls and parenting decisions that are not hers to make, especially if she knows you have different religous views and family values. I don't allow anyone to contradict me to my children!

Before this visit, I'd want an itinerary from Grandma with veto power over any activities. If Grandma wants to go to Temple, fine, I'll pick up DD before services. If you want to go kayaking, great, I'll drop her off when you're back. I'd probably say no altogether to sleepovers until Grandma behaves on these shorter visits.

Someone on here had a great post about this once. Her daughter had strict dietary rules and one of the grandparents kept breaking them time and again. When she picked her DD up the last time, she told her to hug her grandma because this was the last time she was coming to Grandmas house. She put her own mother on supervised visitation at her house!!!!!

 

[MandyH]

This is my 2 cents, and its probably not worth that much, but if she is uncomfortable do not make her go. Kids pick up on things that we brush off as them just being kids. I would not make my child go somewhere she didn't feel comfortable. Explain to grandma that due to events that occured on previous trips, that DD would prefer not to be away from mom. Enough said.

 

[DonnaBelle]

Your first allegence is to your child. You are her protector, her mother. Stand up to your MIL, tell her how you feel, make your own rules for your own child. Don't worry about MIL feelings, worry about your daughter's. Let's face it, not everyone is a good grandmother.

DonnaBelle

 

[chixie]

If she doesn't want to go I wouldn't force her... My kids won't stay at my MIL anymore and they are teenagers... aparently the woman we see is not what she is like when she has the kids...

 

[Chickenmaven]

No, don't force her. You have made it clear from earlier threads that you cannot stand your MIL (for good reason). So, of course, your daughter isn't gonna be crazy about her either.
Where is you hubby in all this? If he doesn't like his mom too much, maybe you could cut off all contact???

 

[pokey]

DON'T SEND HER. that's not right, and mil should have her head checked. i'd be mad as h*ll!

i won't let my mil alone with my newborn
because she called dh a few months ago crying saying she wanted to kill herself. my fil died last sept and i know she needs to grieve, but she is going to have to prove to me she is past that before she keeps my daughter. she keeps sil kids, but that's not up to me, but i would have a serious talk with my mil if her behavior is like you stated, that's not normal.

 

[Sillystunt]

I wouldn't send her! I had the same thing happen with me and my grandmother. My mom forced me and it didn't go well! I have bad memories and haven't talked to her in over 20 years. My dad never made me go again!
Sometimes being blood doesn't mean your compatable! Maybe if you don't send her , things might get better and she won't go over 20 years without seeing her.

 

[redhen]

Follow your mothers instinct on this..