Daughter doesnt want to spend time at grandmothers house.

[hikerchick]

I agree with everyone on this thread.


That's a first!!

 

[Beekissed]

Yep, follow your gut on this one. There could even be other reasons she doesn't want to go there, besides the pushiness of granny. Don't make her go and explain to grandma that she is feeling a little insecure staying at her home and you will investigate the reasons why.

 

[Whispering Winds]

Quote:
Could not have said it better myself. It's hard to hurt feelings when its family, but sometimes you just gotta do what you just gotta do. If Grandma is a good understanding grandma she will understand, and promise not to do stuff again, without permission. I NEVER do that with mine, guess that is why I am such an in-demand grammy. They treasure their times here with me, but when they do go home, I clean for three days!!!! Whew!!! Good luck explaining!!!

 

[Holly O]

I have not ever made my kids do things they would rather not. But I always made them say it themselves. This is your daughters relationship with your MIL and her Grandmother. I've been in the same boat. I do not encourage the kids to lie... but will give them suggestions on dealing with people. ie. Sorry I can't this week, I have plans already. (then exit the area promptly.
That type of vague feedback.) I'll just confirm what they choose to say. And support them in their decision.

 

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

Quote:
He is letting me be the "bad guy" and I am the one that gets to make something up, so as not to hurt her feelings.

Dh's stance is "It isnt every weekend" Darn right it isnt. If he and I ever divorce I am going to make it very clear that my daughter not be left alone with this woman. My sister, my moms husband and my friends that have met her all say the same thing about her. And none of it is complimentary on her behavior. At my nieces baptism last weekend the woman grabbed my niece from my sister. Baby wasnt crying. Sister was standing there holding her next thing she knew my MIL had the baby in her arms. Boundaries???
I think that what makes my daughter not want to hang with her is that the woman doesnt take Sarah's opinion or wants/needs into any consideration.
For instance: and I saw this in my own home. MIL bought Sarah a kid sized guitar. Sarah has never shown any interest in playing the guitar. Piano. but not guitar. But MIL plays the guitar.. so she bought her one. So now. Every time she is here she finds the guitar and proceeds to tell Sarah to sit so that she can teach her how to play. Never mind that Sarah is saying to her "Grandma Come see my new dolls." or Grandma. Come see the drawing I did and hung on my wall.!"
Grandma tells her "I am going to sit and tune the guitar then teach you how to play." Then proceeds to sit and tune the guitar for the next 15 minutes while my daughter takes off to the back yard and her chickens. MIL then goes and gets her and sits down next to her saying "See? Like this" then hands her the guitar, stands behind her and tries to get her to work the strings." Guess what I never see my kid doing ? Playing with the guitar. Or even playing air guitar to the songs she likes.
Same with the kayak incident from last year. Sarah told her she didnt want to get into the kayak. MIL said something along the lings of "nonsense. You'll like it" and picked her up and put her in the kayak. Sarah was more than likely white knuckled and crying(she gets like that when scared) and from what she told me, told MIL that she didnt want to several times to no avail. The woman then rowed her out onto the lake. Which isnt clean for swimming in that area.. meaning it isnt safe to be in the water there. If she had fallen out and slipped out of the adult sized life jacket she had on her..she would have gotten tangled in the junk and drowned.

My dh wants her to spend at least one night there with her. I am not keen on even that. Neither is my daughter, but we have a tentative overnight set for next Monday. I am droppign her off in the late afternoon and then picking her up around 7pm the next day. Oh. Also. MIL has a SMALL car. My aunt was in one about the same size about 6 months ago when she was in an accident. She was nearly killed, (broken leg, two broken arms and a broken hip.) If my ditzy MIL gets in an accident in her little car with my kid in it.. she wont make it. I got a mid sized SUV because our Accent wasnt big/safe enough.

 

[Eggs4Sale]

Say "I'm sorry, but ### doesn't want to go with you any more because you've scared her so much."

People who don't trust their instincts regret it later.

 

[debilorrah]

I wouldn't make her go, but I would also have a sit down with your MIL and let her know that she needs to apologize to Sarah......

 

[Judy]

I'd say the sitdown needs to be with DH, and probably a counselor or minister/priest/whatever.

 

[Southernbelle]

Oh my goodness! Your MIL is dangerous!!!!! An adult size life jacket on a terrified child...unsafe part of the river...unsuitable car

Poor little Sarah!

Just tell MIL that Sarah is having some unexplained anxiety/nightmares/whatever right now and needs to stay at home with her Mom and Dad. Tell your DH 'absolutely not' in no uncertain terms - he needs to back you up - you're instincts are screaming at you! Tell MIL you have other plans - then go make some other plans!

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Okay, I don't think taking your child to Temple is inappropriate, it allows your MIL to share a part of her life with her grandchild. And it gives you a teaching moment discussing with your daughter different religious beliefs and practices. You can then enphasize your beliefs and how they differ and why you believe as you do.

I have a similar view about the guitar and guitar lessons. What does it hurt your daughter to spend a few minutes playing with Grandma on Grandma's terms? She might find that she has a new activity that she enjoys.

Taking a scared child on an unsafe activity is an entirely different thing. That is a reason to closely monitor activities you allow your daughter to participate in with her grandmother. You might want to put a few more restraints onto the visit--change the picking up time from 7pm to say 10 or 11 am, that limits the amount of time and therefore some of the activities. But I do agree that you need to ask ahead of time what activities she plans on and say "no" to ones you believe are inappropriate. Make sure you mention that your daughter is still traumatized about the kayak.