Daughter's boyfriend is choking her...need advice please

[Tomhusker]

As a father of a 24 year old daughter, I would have some me time with the young man and make sure there was an understanding between the two of us. Then after he is able to stand upright and walk without falling over again he would leave and never show his face around my daughter or any other member of my family again. Should he ever break this agreement, I would remove him. Forever.

When it comes to my baby girl, I prefer to deal with it myself.

 

[michickenwrangler]

Quote:
Wow! You got in trouble for FIGHTING BACK??!! What did they expect you to do?

Your situation sounds far worse than mine was. I congratulate you for getting out. The whole family sounds crazy

 

[josh44]

Take control,

I think you and her father agree this young mans behavior is not right ! its crazy!

Take pics of her bruses & her face to show it's really her in the pics. CALL THE POLICE.
You never know when you might need the proof / evidence.

If you don't step in imidiately, he might seriously hurt or kill your daugher.

Accidents happen & playing around, the way he is use to, is asking for it.

If worse come to worse you will regret not stepping in & helping her for the rest of your lives.

Help everyone & get that psyco off the streets.

 

[kristenm1975]

I'm happy to report that my hubby and I met up with my daughter and her boyfriend and had a really good talk. The boy was embarrassed but was showed up anyway, met our eyes and took responsibility for his actions, as well as assuring us that it would not happen again. We talked long enough that we were able to give him a chance to open up a bit about what he's interested in so we could get to know him. I was pleased to see that my daughter didn't coddle him or try to make it easier for him. She sat quietly and let him talk.

Afterward, we all went out to dinner like a family and let them both know if they find themselves in a similar situation where physical confrontation occurs that we hope they'll remember our talk and stop, then talk to us about it again, rather than feel embarrassed and let the situation continue.

All in all, I'm impressed with how my daughter is handling it, and I respect the way this boy is handling it also. Would I rather she be with a guy who wouldn't think of being rough with her and would prefer to discuss art and literature with her rather than his favorite war movie or video game? In a heartbeat. In the meantime, I'll just keep the lines of communication open and be listening for what's really going on.

Thank you all for your kind words and your personal stories. I'm sorry so many of you have had such hard times and I appreciate your willingness to tell the stories in order to help. Best wishes to you all.

 

[chickenbottom]

i rarely speak with my dad and if any boyfriend of mine were to choke me. my dad would jump all over him not in a good way at all. but knowing me i hit back. she is a minor and is your responsibility. you need to let him know that this isnt okay for him to even touch her like that no matter if it was playing at first.

 

[deedletree]

I had a boyfriend when I was that age, whose behavior was similar. Playful choking, and whatnot.

Long story short, and without divulging too many details, when I ended the relationship three years later, he tried to kill me. While a friendly talk might do the trick, your daughter is playing with fire.

I suggest you find her a very good therapist, who can help her to identify her core values. Please don't take this to mean that I think your daughter has problems, but the transition from high school to adult responsibilities is a tumultuous one, and we all could use some help. Without it, young women are susceptible to start relationships with abusive men.

 

[kla37]

As a former abused wife, I can tell you with confidence to CALL THE POLICE the next time it happens. It doesn't matter if she "wants" you to or not. In most municipalities, the police HAVE to investigate and prosecute even without the desire of the abused victim to do so. It WILL escalate, it WILL get worse, and she WILL end up seriously injured or possibly even killed. It is nothing to mess around with or delay. I should have called the very first time, but I was very stupid, and no one else knew. These kinds of people have no self-control and very little conscience.

 

[Lazy W Poultry]

Back in the late 80's my Baby Sister was 17 and married to an abusive husband, He would pull guns on her and say he was going to kill her give her black eyes etc, etc... Our dad had just had a heart attack and they didn't want to tell him so being the older Brother I was called. Anyhow to make a long story short if I will get on a plane the same day I was called and travel 1200 miles to stomp the dooooggggggg out of this poor excuse of a BOY and send him packing with what was left of his tail between his legs. I would have hated to see what would have happened if it was my daughter..................

I would call the police unless she has an older brother.

 

[zippitydooda]

My step daughter was murdered by her abusive "on again, off again" father of her child. They began dating in high school, and he was controlling and violet even then. Nobody told us, and now we are without her. Her child is without her. He shot her three times, then committed suicide and their daughter found them.

STOP it NOW, any way you can. It will NOT get better, and she is making excuses for him. Let her speak to someone who has gone through it, and get her counseling to figure out why she thinks this sort of behavior is ok.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Good luck and let us know how it all turns out.

 

[Three Cedars Silkies]

So glad you were able to meet with them and discuss the seriousness of the situation. I do believe that your daughter will confide in you now...if this were ever to become an issue again. Perhaps you could plan more family time with them over the coming months so you can keep your finger on the pulse of the situation.

It sounds like you have good judgement, Mom. Keep us posted!!