Most people on here know my DH died last February.
So in May I began dating again--probably too soon--but the guy I began dating and I really hit it off and after 4 months of pretty good relationship, he moved in with me. Things are going well.
Well, he got laid off from work and made himself available for FEMA. With Hurricane/TS Irene hitting the NE, FEMA called him out to New York state to work. And I didn't handle him making himself available well. Meaning there was a lot of crying and blubbering on my end. He was probably more sympathetic than he should have been, assuring me he'd only be gone for a few months and he'd make far more money doing FEMA work out of state than anything he could do in Michigan. Before he left, he weed-whacked and mowed the whole 5.2 acres, got the generator set up, helped me get pellets for the pellet stove, put my name on his bank account, gave me a copy of his debit card, wrote me a few blank checks and otherwise ensured my welfare in his absence as best he could. For the first few days he was gone, he called and texted a few times a day but after he was transferred from Albany to the field office nearer to New York City, he hasn't been calling or texting as much.
For some reason (probably because my grief from DH has been laying latent all summer) I can feel myself going into "panic mode" and having anxiety attacks when I see he hasn't called or texted. He does call once a day, we talk for only a few minutes. He says he works late and is exhausted and has trouble finding time at work to call. Now that my teaching job has started back up again for the fall, obviously he can't call me during the day.
I miss him and I'm lonely and I know I'm getting clingy and obsessive because I'm texting and calling him frequently and leaving blubbery voicemails. He did call me this morning and apologized, saying he worked late last night and knew I was asleep when he finished. I was planning on taking a long weekend in October to go visit him and he said he would love to have me visit but I feel like I'd just be in the way. When we talked before he left, the plan was for me to bring his daughter and my daughter out too for a visit since neither one of them are well-traveled yet. But again, I'm afraid that I'll drive 12 hours for us to hardly see one another.
All of his stuff is still here, and I don't just mean a few pairs of jeans and shaving foam. A lot of his sentimental things like a hand carved cedar Bible case, his Futurama DVDs (OK, maybe not so sentimental), his tools, his welding equipment and all kinds of other stuff. So I know he HAS to come back for that.
I guess I'm just afraid that I'm going to end up driving him away. I'm not a passive person, I can't just sit by and WAIT for him to call. I'm rather assertive and it drives me crazy when I have to be patient and I'm not in control. I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. I KNOW I'm being neurotic and clingy and behaving like a teenage girl but I can't help it. I'm trying to keep myself busy and that does help, but it's hard for me when he doesn't even know for certain when he'll be back. If I had a date that he'd be back by, it would help me to keep a "countdown" but with an uncertain return date, it's just making me that much more anxious.
So in May I began dating again--probably too soon--but the guy I began dating and I really hit it off and after 4 months of pretty good relationship, he moved in with me. Things are going well.
Well, he got laid off from work and made himself available for FEMA. With Hurricane/TS Irene hitting the NE, FEMA called him out to New York state to work. And I didn't handle him making himself available well. Meaning there was a lot of crying and blubbering on my end. He was probably more sympathetic than he should have been, assuring me he'd only be gone for a few months and he'd make far more money doing FEMA work out of state than anything he could do in Michigan. Before he left, he weed-whacked and mowed the whole 5.2 acres, got the generator set up, helped me get pellets for the pellet stove, put my name on his bank account, gave me a copy of his debit card, wrote me a few blank checks and otherwise ensured my welfare in his absence as best he could. For the first few days he was gone, he called and texted a few times a day but after he was transferred from Albany to the field office nearer to New York City, he hasn't been calling or texting as much.
For some reason (probably because my grief from DH has been laying latent all summer) I can feel myself going into "panic mode" and having anxiety attacks when I see he hasn't called or texted. He does call once a day, we talk for only a few minutes. He says he works late and is exhausted and has trouble finding time at work to call. Now that my teaching job has started back up again for the fall, obviously he can't call me during the day.
I miss him and I'm lonely and I know I'm getting clingy and obsessive because I'm texting and calling him frequently and leaving blubbery voicemails. He did call me this morning and apologized, saying he worked late last night and knew I was asleep when he finished. I was planning on taking a long weekend in October to go visit him and he said he would love to have me visit but I feel like I'd just be in the way. When we talked before he left, the plan was for me to bring his daughter and my daughter out too for a visit since neither one of them are well-traveled yet. But again, I'm afraid that I'll drive 12 hours for us to hardly see one another.
All of his stuff is still here, and I don't just mean a few pairs of jeans and shaving foam. A lot of his sentimental things like a hand carved cedar Bible case, his Futurama DVDs (OK, maybe not so sentimental), his tools, his welding equipment and all kinds of other stuff. So I know he HAS to come back for that.
I guess I'm just afraid that I'm going to end up driving him away. I'm not a passive person, I can't just sit by and WAIT for him to call. I'm rather assertive and it drives me crazy when I have to be patient and I'm not in control. I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. I KNOW I'm being neurotic and clingy and behaving like a teenage girl but I can't help it. I'm trying to keep myself busy and that does help, but it's hard for me when he doesn't even know for certain when he'll be back. If I had a date that he'd be back by, it would help me to keep a "countdown" but with an uncertain return date, it's just making me that much more anxious.
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